FAE or something else?

I know I don't go into big details about Brandon, but there has always been something a bit off about him. No necessary in a bad way but in a way that makes you stop and think.

Anyway we went to a seminar yesterday about FASD-Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. Basically this problem is very broad and very hard to diagnose. So there (FA groups) are advocating to get some legislation to help kids. This is a disease that is not curable or fixable. It is brain damage from in-utero. Woman taking drugs or alcohol during pregnancy. Which is quite common in EE countries that we have adopted from.

These types of kids cannot process things the way we can. They have to learn everything for every situations and have to learn it over and over again. Telling a child not to talk to strangers is not good enough. You have to go to parks, museums, schools, playgrounds and repeat this over and over. They dont' get it they way you or I would. They live in a dream world which is how I would describe it. They can't grasp reality.

Luckily for us, Brandon is not as severe as some but not enough for the "average" person to figure out something is not right. So currently he is going through school about average. I think after being at this seminar, I am going to see this slip as time goes on. From what I learned. I think his services will go up and they will wonder why he used to get it and now he doesn't. I already talk to the school and I get a smile and a aha.. from them but they don't see or understand the depths of it. They don't disagree there is an issue but how bad or severe it is won't be known until later in life.

For instant, this am Brandon was going on and on about how his brother would not change the channel on the TV. He told me that he had asked his brother nicely and said please but Josh would not change the channel. So I explaine that if his brother is watching a show and he came in after it started his brother didn't need to change the channel. And that if he was watching TV and his brother came in and asked him to change the chaneel he would not have too either.

So in his mind he said that he didn't need to change the channel when his brother asked because he would remind him that when he had asked nicely his brother didn't change the channel so he won't have to change the channel. Not quit grasping the situation, or why his brother didn't have to change the channel. It is not about because his brother didn't so he wouldn't have too. It is about what happen before you came in the room. That is the part he doesn't grasp. Even with repitition. And before all kids are like that, it is different and if anyone has dealth with an FAE child they would get it. It is not the same.

Learning new things

So at breakfast this morning, my dear son Brandon showed me the lastest thing he learned at school.

Displaying his middle finger.

I asked him what did that mean? (because he had a smile on his face a mile wide)..... and he said.. Showing your middle finger? I then asked who showed you? A boy in my class......... you know the child - the one that sits in the principle office sometimes.

Well, honey we don't show that finger. Why not? Because it really represents something we don't need to say to others.

So then what does Josh do? Show me his middle finger!! LOL

Retreat

I went to a retreat last weekend and had an interesting time. I never realized my emotions were buried deep. However, they really weren't buried, they we not coming out. In other words, I have a voice and I need to use it. I come from a family where you didn't say much about feelings but you knew what the other were thinking. You just did, and if you didn't, someone would tell you. But now I have learn you have to say your thoughts so people know. But you don't need to shout, and sometimes your feelings are your feelings, they just are and nothing more about it.

So when a child hits that cord in you and you want to shout, you need to stop and breathe. Something from your past makes you "freeze" and "react" however, children with special needs due to adoption backgrounds are not going to respond when you "react" they fight. They learn from you by being influence by you and teaching. So I learn to stop take a breath and think about my feelings, let it be and then to Not put my feelings on the child but to be with the child in the now to help him. So if Brandon acts out, instead of screaming at him "reacting" just to stop and breath to have my "feelings" and then to move on and help Brandon through his.. be in the moment/now. We did an exercise where I was angry and my coaches told me it was ok to be angry and I was safe... boy did that hit home. I could honestly relax and feel my body be angry. I also realized the many times I have held Brandon and said those words, "ok to be angry" and "you are safe" and I realize how much those words with touch can help you. It is very calming.

I also learned that it is ok for me to be happy. To enjoy the moments I have with my kids and not to worry when the other shoe will fall. To be in the now and relax and enjoy and be happy and in the now with my boys, spouse etc. The happiness might end but I can be ok with that. If my spouse is not happy I can still be happy. Those are his feelings, not mine.

Ramblings, flu and summer

The schools have been closed for the last two days due to the Swine Flu. Now the CDC says, hey you don't need to close the schools. Oh well, we were getting out on a Monday but now it moves to Wednessday. I guess I would rather have three days used in a week for school versus one. What do you do with one day of school left and it is on a Monday?

But if the last few days are any indication on how our summer is going to be... I have to set some serious rules for the boys. Getting out 5 things without putting anything back is going to drive me crazy. So I think some rules as to the number of things to do before they move on will be enforced. Having friends over and eating me out of house and home and then complain to me when they have to go to the grocery store....

I think we are at the age where a bit of responsibility on them is in order. And practicing how to be polite to one another. The "I hate my brother" is a bit old and troublesome to me. I remember hating my siblings growing up and fighting but this is a whole new level for me.

Starting new meds with Brandon, the 15 mg was too much and the 10 mg is not enough, so we will go to the lower level of 10mg and start the Stratera (?) since the Stratera takes about 6 weeks to fully get into his system. Supposedly this will help with his inabiltiy to sleep. I would always find a reason, birthday, Easter but I think it is the meds.