New Thoughts

As my hubbie and I talked more last night about our Brandon we came to some realizations. One that every Fall through Christmas our son is a total wreck. We know this but we forget in the throws of frustration because we have gone from a somewhat normal life, to that of a constant disruptive life. Nothing horrible like some people experiences, but enough to remind us that something isn't quite right. We know that over time and remembering that our child, at this time in life, he has to be a two year old. It is the only way Brandon can cope with everything. He needs to regress to do well in school, play and life during the BTS - Holidays. Fall is hard. A very disrupted time for him, he left a hospital to go to an orphanage and then a year later in Fall he went from the orphanage to our house... major moves.

It hurts because you are angry the child is so dysregulated and you can't reach him. In order to cope, we have to step back to a time he is comfortable. That happens to be two years old, a time when we brought him into our lives and he must of felt some safety and love. Now as he is older we have to remind him and comfort him and baby him and let him go off so he can handle the world around him. It can be difficult when you have to regress but it is what we need to do for him.

The second thing is will finding a new label or diagnosis really help? Is he manic? Bi-polar? Maybe, but I don't think what we face everyday with Brandon it is something we need to know right now. He is only 8 and very immature (besides from above). He can hold it together for school and for other people, just not us. If we learn now, would we benefit from the stress we feel? I really don't know... constant appointments and putting him under a microscope doesn't seem to be the answer or solution for us right now. We realized after talking, we are frustrated but not that frustrated. Not like we were when we looked into attachment.

Anyone who has struggle with a child would understand, the difference between what is tolerable and what or when you need to seek outside help. Right now I don't think it would help us, only add some frustrations. Sometimes you need to vent and re group and think of your decisions.

Life as we know it

I have been reading other blogs and some families are in Ukraine right now adopting their children. I am so happy for them. It makes me remember my journey there and everything we went through and how far we have come.

We have our monthly meeting for attachement challenge children and Don and I were the focus of everything. We got on a roll about Brandon's behavior at bedtime. Now you are not suppose to focus in on his behaviors but rather "why" he is having this behavior and we keep coming up with "he is afraid to go to sleep" and someone mention maybe he is afraid we will be gone in the morning.. we have woken up with him for the last 7 years so that is hard to fathom. And yet it is very true... traumatized childrne live in constant fear and sometimes these fears don't really go away and they learn to cope. However, Brandon is not learnign to cope, he handles it like he always does, he gets loud and disruptive in the home.

So what to do? It was dicussed last night it might be more than fetal alcohol and more manic depression. How do you know if a 8 yr old is manic or bi-polar? We think it is time to test him and figure these things out. Scary because you really don't want to learn your child is manic or bi polar or anything more than you can handle. But on the other hand, I am told the medicines available now with the proper diagnose can help the child rather than harm or have the child live with a high and low.