First Day of Summer

Ok so one is up at 7:00 am with me on the first day of summer. I tell him to go back to sleep it is too eary. So since we have been up this am it is now only 8:00 am and I have not been able to do one thing without an interruption. I am tired and angry because I really really wanted to have a bit of a morning to myself and so I am going to have my pity party. WAAAAAASA

So far when I first came downstairs I had to remind this child there was no TV, then to change his clothes (they were smelly) and that started an attitude that I had to quickly remind him that this was not acceptable because he was tired since he has been up so early. Then I had to remind him after he had gone upstairs that the one room he should not go into is the room his brother is in. That is the first room he went into..... so then he comes down within 5 minutes and wants me to fix his telescope that he just took apart. It is only 7:20 am at this time.... no coffee and no he has not changed his clothes.

Then he goes up and changes and then tries again to get me to help him with his telescope. I am ok now since he has changed his clothes and he has tried. I then remind him that Mommy needs a moment.. (no coffee yet)

Now we need cereal... it is 730 am.. I tell him he can get it himself. No I can't he begins to whine.. I then have to explain he needs to try and that whinning children will take naps since they are up so early.... he tries, he CAN and he makes the biggest bowl of cereal. it is now 7:45 am... I had to remind him that he needs to take his medicine, he needs to eat ALL the cereal etc...

Now it is 8:02 am and he is in by me at the computer and wanting me to fix batteries in another toy. Have you finished eating? NO have you taken your meds? no but Mom I am cold and full.................... if this is the way the WHOLE day is going I am in big trouble. The toys is fixed because the child that cannot eat his cereal or take his medicine has figured out that he can open the new battery pack and unscrew the gadget he wants new batteries in and replace them. Now he can't screw it back together so guess who's arm is grabbed as she tries to write (type) please help me.

It is now 825 am and he still has not finish breakfast, or taken his meds, or finished with the gadget.... BUT he has not fought with his brother so I guess it is a good thing.

Sleeping

Even though school is almost out... I have a child learning to fall asleep. We always struggled with Brandon to fall asleep, he becomes restless and irratated and just plainly disrupted. I have gone to talking with him about fears, to release any thoughts in his head. I have rocked with him, I have laid with him until he falls asleep even if it takes hours.. and have even had the help with Benadryl.

A while ago I read an article called "A Guide to Parenting a Child with FAS." Now this guide is very similar to the Heather Forbes that children live in Fear and they need to be loved. However, a child with Fetal Alcohol can't learn with variables, everything must be concrete, in other words, you can't say "go find something to do." You have to say "go to the other room and play with your legos." You can't say "knock it off" you have to say calmly, "please stop making baby sounds, talke to me as a 9 yr. old" It is so simple but the simpler you make it the easier it is.

So at bedtime about a month ago when Brandon is wigging out as we call it, I calmly remind him that he is tired. He is showing us he is tired by his behaviors. Then after settling in to bed I just say "go to sleep" when he talks or gets silly I just say "go to sleep" and for the most part...(cross fingers) 85% of the time he goes to sleep. THIS IS HUGE

Last night Don was up with the boys at bedtime, he fell asleep. THe boys on their own turn off the lights and went to sleep. You must realize that two years ago even 6 months ago Brandon would have been running around and keeping himself awake. Let's hope this will keep up for the summer.

We did it

We scheduled our next Disney Trip. I am so excited and I haven't even told the kids yet. This is a huge accomplishment for me. I always spill the beans. I am so bad at keeping secrets from the kids but when one of my children knows of an event he is very restless. He won't be able to sleep because he will be so excited and just not getting the time frame will become very difficult for him he will get angry. So knowing very little until the time comes to go anywhere and then tell him is the only way to go. Makes it harder on me because I remember growing up always enjoying the excitement of going places or for Chritmas..etc. So for now I keep saying Daddy and I are looking at going back to Disney what do you think? and where do you want to stay (show them the hotel) what do you want to do when we go back? etc... the planning game. The kids seem to be into this right now, hopefully by the time they are done with this game it will be time to go.

I have even ordered special T-shirts for us to wear. My husband thinks I have gone off the deep end but this might be our last trip to Disney. Don would like to explore other vacations than just Disney. I am really becoming a Disney Fan.

Now I am really trying to lose a few pounds for the trip as well as for my high school reunion this summer. I started a few months ago but just giving up beer is not enough. Bummer. I guess the late night snacking and ice cream must go as well.

After I posted I realized the photo on top is from our last trip.... TWO YEARS AGO.. I guess time to update the photo.. now from the new Disney Trip or current..

DS (dear son)

OK a bit of history, Brandon(DS) and I had attachment issues and it took a long time to connect, flash forward and we realize it has a bit to do the FAE. The way he learns a lot of misfires and redirection and we are in a better place.

During the attachment phase we heard a lot of stealing, hoarding, and lying occurs. DS had none of these traits, he was wonderful at school (they thought we were nuts) and we thought we didn't have it that bad. Well yesterday, in the am my DS had taken candy from his brothers room and said it was in his room and so it was his. Well, it got in your room by you, so it really isn't yours but at least his brother didn't want it and he was happy to let his brother have it. But we explain it is stealing.

Then we are at the grocery store and my son is standing there and playing with something in his pockets... honey what is in your pocket? He pulls out keys.. and I look they are a bunch of Dad's work keys and some other keys we have had hanging in the hallway.. keys to the file cabinets and safes..etc.

I "UHm how did they get in your pocket?"
DS "I don't know"
I "so they just ended up in your pocket"
DS "yes"
I "I will need to hold on to them."
DS "ok, mom I don't know how they got there." It was so innocent and yet you know how they get there.
I "your Hands much of taken them and put them in your pocket."
DS "yes, my hands did."
I "was it when your brother and I were out and you were home with dad?"
DS "yes the keys got in my pocket when you were gone"

Well we will have to talk with your hands about this and ways to help you hands control themselves.

Now the most amazind thing to me is... when we got in the house my husband (DH) is looking to make sure we are not missing any keys and my DS walks up to his Dad and hugs his leg and says " I am sorry Dad for taking the keys."

This part is huge for me because he is able to communicate he did something wrong and is aware of it. The question with FAE children, will he remember and not do it again? Will he do it again and have to re learn it all over.. Time will tell.

End Of the Year

We are getting close to the end of the school year. I am getting excited for summer. This is the my time with the boys. Not just my time, but I get to see their days and what they do and what they encounter and how they handle everyday life. This really helps in learning what is going on in Brandon's mind. Brandon can not or does not process things the way most people do and so it gets hard to understand sometime, where he is coming from. Why does something so small seem to be so HUGE to him. It usually is not that "small" situation he is in, it is something that happen a while ago, a day ago or three weeks ago. He just doesn't know how to process.

So today or this morning after having a long chat with Brandon last night... I had a new child this am. He got dress with minimal reminders, he ate breakfast and got his backpack together and shoes on. This was done with 14 mins to spare to go to the bus, this is early. I was quit impressed and told him so. He then ran upstairs to get something from his bedroom and he even remembered to turn off the light!! Also, remember to flush a toilet (another little struggle).

What does this mean? My child is feeling calm and can make normal decisions and do the things that we expect him to do. Will he do it tonight? Probable not, he will be in school and then they go to third base (after school care) today so he will be a wreck, the amazing little boy I had this am will be an amazing little boy tonight... but at a differenct level. He will be upset, dysregulated and totally out of control.. small calm reminders will bring him to a level to get through the night, I hope I will remember and have the patience tonight.