Is this Progress?

How do you define progress?  In my world it is weird wonderful things.  I was talking with my mother in law this morning about Brandon and how he was wigging out because it was the last day of school.  One thing he was not doing was getting his shoes on.  I asked him to get his shoes on and he didn't.  He played with the cat and I reminded him again and again.  Then I got frustrated and walked away.  Now I know he is regressing and I should just put his shoes on for him durnig this difficult time.  But I am thinking this is not new.  He had to put on his shoes all school year.  It is a daily function he needs to learn.  It is not a new thing today, it is something he needs to do everyday regardless of what is happening around him.

So I walked away and came to grips that he might not make the bus, he will be late to school and he might not wear shoes today.  Not the senerio I want but I have to let it be.  So I come out of my bathroom to go downstairs, and Brandon walks into the hallway and shows me his hands.  They are wet.  He informs me he has washed his hands.  Yes, this was something I had asked him to do when I asked him to put on his shoes... so he has one task completed.  I say thank you I really appreciate that and I apologize for getting upset that he didn't put his shoes on.  Then I walked down the stairs.  Brandon stops and puts on one shoe and follows me.  (he has one shoe on not tied but on).  He tells me as he walks down the stairs that he is going to miss his friends when school gets out.  So I tell him that that this would make me more determined to get my shoes on so I could get to the last day of school and see my friend. As I look back at him,  he has sat down at the bottom stair to put on his other shoe.   

I keep walking to talk to Josh about getting ready to go.  Brandon comes into the kitchen and his shoes are on but not tied.  I ask if he is going to tie his shoes.  He does not reply but starts struggling to put on his rain poncho.  I do not comment and continue on with my tasks.  Brandon after playing around with his poncho comes over to me and asked me quite nicely to tie his shoes.  I told him very nicely that I would love to tie them for him but I had to ask him many times to put on his shoes that I can no longer help him.  As we continue to get ready Brandon is hiding under his rain poncho and talking about things that upset/scare him.  I walk around and finish things up and support him and talked to him about the last day of school and how hard it is for everyone.  That is is sad but he will see his friends over the summer.

As I get ready to go to the van Brandon stands up and I notice his shoes are tied.  He had been tying them under his rain poncho as he talked to me.  I thank him again and I give him a big kiss and I get a great big smile from him. 

Now I had to stop when I was telling my mother in law this story because in the Fall putting on shoes for Brandon was a very difficult thing.  He would scream in frustration and anger and he would throw his shoe across the room.  He would bang his head out of frustration because they would not go on right or the tie was not straight enough.... he would get so upset he would hit his brother.  After the holidays I got him to get his shoes on but he would scream very disrespectfully to me to tie them or help him.  It took to Spring to get him to put them on and if he needed help to aske me nicely/respectfully so I would help him. 

Now we come to a place where even though it took some prompting he got his shoes on but at his pace.  It may of taken us over 20 minutes to get the shoes on but there was no fit throwing, no head banging.

To me this is progress, he got his shoes and tied.  It took 20 minutes and he did it in an order that I don't understand but one where he is in control and he can do it.  I am ok with this.  This is something I feel he has to learn how to do  no matter what is happening around him.  It is a basic skill that needs to be done daily.  I think he has learned it.  He just needs some time to complete this task and I have to learn to let it be how he can complete it.  We made some progress.

Happy's Mother's Day to Me

I awoke to a child that was dressed and ready for church because he wanted to watch the movie he had recorded and he gave me my Mother's day present.  It was a note that said I was a great Mom because I got him from Ukraine and if I didn't get him he wouldn't have an excellent life.  The other part said that the favorite part of his day is when we hug each other cause it makes him feel safe.. aahh

The other child thanked me for doing what I do every day and care for him when he is sick. (which by the way he is never sick.) With the I love you.

My hubbie said " what's for dinner?"  W-H-A-T??  Outside of the boys wanting to play with friend than be with their mother on mother's day... I was a bit upset.  I felt like I was still trying to keep things going without any effort from anyone.  Some things need to get done but come on... can you at least plan on a meal?  I could not believe it and my hubby felt I should be angrier at the kids... and I was like what message are YOU showing them.  I also cried my eyes out and had the poor me cry.  Some of that is because I can't just pick up and go because I want to.  I have a child that needs more directing and can't sometimes put into place a "spur of the moment" type thing.  It would make him miserable and he would make us miserable so you learn to pick which way you want to go..  So I cried because I didn't have a normal child and I cried because it is NOT that child's fault for the way he is on some things.  He has to learn things.

The other day he was in a disagreement with another boy.  I found out through his brother that he had provoke the boy by talking back.  The next night when Brandon was up for a snack because he could not sleep I talked to him about it.  Brandon was telling me a story about a boy who did a nah nah to him and how it upset him... my perfect time and I said, the other day you did the nah nah to another boy and he did not like either.  and Brandon replied Oh no mom I did not say nah nah to him .. I said ha ha. 

He really can't grip that it means the same thing and yet that isn't the point.  So I do have to explain that saying things sometimes can have many meanings and you HAVE to be aware of what you saying to not upset people... it went over his head at this time.

Wow That Simple

I have two boys sound asleep by 8:00 PM.  One was up all weekend because he want to get up and play the Wii or watch a movie.... the other unfortunately I gave him some Claritin non drowsey and lets just say that at 10:00 pm it was still non drowsey.

I hope tomorrow is a great day.

Disrespect and learning frustration

Lately my boys especially one of them think that being disrespectful is ok.  No it is not.  My problem I am facing these days is how to deal with this.  He is yelling at me and when he is really upset tries to throw things at me.  Luckily it is short lived but the intensity is there and my frustration shows.  He really does know it isn't me he is mad at but can't seem to make that reach.  He is angry at something at school but comes home and starts yelling at me.  Sometimes I can nail it on the head of what is wrong and then there are times I can't.

I hope with the constant calm reminders and re teaching that it is not appropriate we will get somewhere.  I think upping his meds for aniety didn't help and now we will lower them again and see how things go.  Gosh why can't they make a pill that a child or person can take and it just does the job.