LOL It is my all my fault

It is all my fault that my child missed the bus.  I woke him up this AM and put on the patch.  We started a new system where he has a card he needs to mark off that he has done his task to be ready for school.   We are trying to get him ready for like, as we call it - life skills.  So he needs to be responsible for taking his medicine, eating breakfast, getting ready (pack his backpack, pack his lunch, and bring anything he may need) to school.  So simple right?  It is a small index card to check off.

Well, I want to leave him on his own.  I can't, it is too hard.  I think I am better off to disappear and see what happens.  I think he can do it and yet when I am around he turns off his brain and says yeah yeah I got it.  I am like Do you?  do you really?  I am trying to get him to understand how he needs to show us and show us that he can do it and get more choices and freedom by showing us the responsibility.  He doesn't get it.  He thinks he can but yet he can't.

So today, since he has a Cross Country Meet and this is something added I would help him.  His job is to make sure he does what he needs to do to get ready and out the door.  I will only assist when he has something off the list.  So I packed his bag for the race and put it by his backpack.  He took forever to eat his breakfast and of course didn't finish.  Now yes he is a slow eater, however, he filled out an application for the marines to get some trinkets, he looked at the bag of frosted flakes and pointed out something, and he ran around with the cat playing.  So is he really a slow eater?

Did he fill out the form for the field trip?  Did he remember that??  Did he finish packing his lunch?  Did he change his clothes from the night before?  NO and no....   OK he packed his lunch with a soda and a sandwich.  We chatted and made a few adjustments.

Now the bus comes at 7:20 and at 7:05 he goes up to change.  This is the child that takes forever to do anything and is easily distracted.  How will he do it?  He did however, he still didn't have on his shoes and he didn't have all his things in one spot because of course he needed something from his backpack that he didn't (distracted over a pencil).

So as he goes running out the door, his lunch bag is open and things almost falls out and he finally zips it shut and grabs his running shoes.  As he runs out the door (I have been giving him the time so he is aware) I said Brandon did you forget something?  He screams I am going to make him late however, his cross country clothes and jacket are still on the chair because he moved everything else.  Oh and yes this is after I reminded him to grab his lunch.  So he gets them all wounded up in his hand and goes out the door.  He gets just past our lawn and notices that no one is at the bus stop.  Now he turns around and yells at me.  I say go down and wait because it is foggy and I think the bus might be a bit late.  I tell him to wait for 10 minutes.  I come back inside and within 5 minutes he is back saying he missed the bus and it is ALL MY FAULT because I made him get his clothes for the meet tonight.  Excuse me?

So he is running around screaming at everyone because he missed the bus and tells me he can't be late and that I have to drive him.  I said I would drive him when I am ready and not sooner.  He goes out and decides he will ride his bike.  I am impressed.  SO as I go to check to watch him take off  and  I notice a few things.  As he is screaming at me he has attached his lunch bag to the back of his backpack on a clip so he won't have to hold it.  (remember he had his backpack, his lunch bag, his shoes, clothes in a cinch sack and his jacket all in his hands before running out the door to get the bus)... well while screaming he had put on his jacket, put his lunch bag on his clip, pushed his cinch sack on this strap with his backpack so he is hands free to ride his bike.  He is backing up his bike and realizes he needs to tie his shoe.  So in less than 5 minutes he has pulled it all together to get on his bike to make it to school................  so He can do it and I see it is in there.   There is hope


As for his ride?  Luckily the neighbor across the street was backing out to bring her daughter and was leaving and I mention it to Brandon to ask for a ride.  He said "ok mom after I tie my shoe" and I am like "really you are going to let a ride go by"????  in my head so I pointed out that he would miss them and he ran down the driveway and asked and yes he got a ride and didn't have to ride his bike.

new school new year

Tried to upload a photo or two and it won't work right now.   Anyway we started school with the boys are in two different school and both have New schools to attend.  Last year they both were at a STEM academy that went to 8th grade.  Brandon moved on to High School and Josh wanted to go to 8th grade at the middle school that is his home school and not STEM.  He wanted some change.

So how did the first day go?  My 9th graded who gets very frustrated was a bit on the edge the night before.  However, he had cross country practice and he had gymnastics so I hope he would be so tired he would fall asleep.  Well, he was tired but angry and worried.  The last time he had rode a bus some kids would pick on him.  How do you tell a kid that was back in 4th grade and not 9th?  There is no concept for him.  So he ASK ME to drive him on his first day.  I was impressed he figured out a frustration and he had asked me to drive.  So I said I would.  Bedtime was better but still we have our struggles. 

So the next AM I told him the girl down the street (a 10th grader) mention she would make sure Brandon got on the bus ok.  He then decided that he wanted to take the bus and that it would be ok.  So we met her on the bus stop and she helped keep him calm.  She said only 9th and 10th graders ride the bus and that it isn't crowded and it would be ok.  He felt better and YES here is where the tears come flying in...... he didn't want me to hug or kiss him good bye OR ACKNOWLEDGE him as a Mom.  But I am ok with that.  He is 14.

The other child, well he didn't want to go.  He panicked and he was scared.  He worries way to much and he really does over think things so it is hard to help him.  Needless to say I took a screaming crying child to 8th grade via car and had the principle come out and help me.  Luckily the principle was outside greeting and she coaxed him inside and he had an AWESOME day.  OK not really awesome but it went a lot better than he had thought it would.  Again the ugly monster of thoughts of the worst were in his head and not the reality.  The second day got better.  I really hope that it is and he is not saying things to make us not worry.  I do worry about him.  He takes things in so hard and has a very hard time to process them to what they are.  But he feels better about things and he does seem to enjoy it.  I hope this continues throughout the school year. 

Also I hope he does not alienate kids that have been nice to him in the past, now and he keeps a happy disposition with everything.  Not get coax into thinking he has to be a cool kid.  A nice kid with lots of friends is what I hope for.  Trying to get him to be that so he doesn't lose friends he has.  He over thinks things way to much that he can get bitter over simple things.  He is learning not to do that but it might happen. 

Next week shall be interesting to see where we are at. 

struggling

It is so hard to watch your child struggle.  They have their own things that make them tick or upset and sometimes what really surprises me is that I don't have a clue.  I think I do but I don't and that is fine.

OK dealing with a child with FASD.  |This is a post I didn't want to post but one I feel I need to post to move on and to forgive and not forget but to remember that "hey things happen"  Yet at the same time I am saying things that are not true but make me think that really our society has become one where it doesn't matter if you do the right things or try to do the right things.... things can be determine on what others perceive and HEY your world can fall apart.

My biggest regret is not dealing with this sooner.  I worry about my son ALL THE TIME.  He is a sweet innocent boy who loves to play laugh and enjoy things.  he is also a boy who is heading into high school and is maturing physically and yet mentally still in a struggle but wants to be older but then he comes a 7 year old.  That is fine until you meet a person who says "no he is this age"

This is the dangerous type person to be around my son because you want to believe an adult until the adult must have some issues that are not resolved in their world that they throw at you.  Case I am making, I have my FASD child and he plays with younger children.... no big deal.  He plays with a child that is a lot younger and has a ball and the kid enjoys him.  Their energy is high and they can have fun.  Talk to the parents and remind them SEVERAL times that my child has no filters and you need to help.

so when my child is swearing and acting like a jerk send him home.  Don't ignore it.   Well this family did not listen because it is easier to let the kids play and eventually their child gets in trouble.  So their child comes up with things he hears and so he blames my child.  Guess what?  it doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong.  As a parent of a FASD child I believe what a parent is telling me and I get concern.   Turns out the parent is full of shit and really thinks these horrible things and lets her child believe them.   Not like an adult and talk to us but as we question the concern become bigger and then affects where I work and creates an awful environment..... what is their or her issues?

My child suffers.  He doesn't understand and the sad thing is I don't either.  I find out too late that there are things that must have happen with the OTHER family that has NOTHING to do with my child but they have FILTER it through mine.  THEN get the a neighbor involved that is the police and then it becomes a police matter.  Well at first I thought trusting the adult and something was up with mine child but then come to realize the Parent of this child must have SO MANY
 ISSUES that she put on her kid that he has to blame mine.  Why do kids lie?  Not to get into trouble and yet that lie gets police involved that should not be and then because I feel my child has the FASD and that the Adult in the relationship would be clear .... my child is ACCUSED of things that never happen and that guess what become a negative thing within the people we deal with. 

I AM UPSET with myself for thinking Adults in this world are being responsible adults and realizing they need to point a finger and walk away because of their own stupidity or whatever is happening in their lives to make sure other people suffer...... sad but my child is the one that suffers along with his brother.

The worst part is I thought Adults should know but I have learn Adults are idiots and have no maturity to understand.  But a lesson learn too late and I can only build my child up over what I know.  He is a great kid and he needs constand guidance and if you don't want to be on board with it than you have NO place in his life.   

whatever

Do you know what FASD is?  No body really does and neither do we.  there are times we have a normal 14 yr old boy and things and life are just that.  Then there is another child a very child child... who doesn't have a clue.  It is frustrating because this child shows up unexpectedly.  I am learning to know and guide him when I think the FASD child will appear but when he appear and I don't have a clue.    I GET VERY FRUSTRATED.

He can't help it.  He doesn't understand it and he really doesn't care if you do.  He is lost.  He is confused. He has no concept.  Yet, he can still do amazing things and he can figure things out and he can charm the pants off of anyone.  But who is he?  he is a child that thinks he is 7 years old and wants to have fun and not to think or the age is not really there he wants the fun to continue or whatever he remembers and it isn't the time.

We listen to a skit on the radio, it is funny and you laugh.  you mention it again some time later and you might laugh.  With an FASD child, he brings it up constantly and at the wrong times and thinks you should laugh and he keeps laughing... but it not that funny anymore.  He thinks he is continuing the fun but it is over and he doesn't get it.

We were in the dells at a water park.  He lost his googles.  HE had a fit and he made sure we (traveling companions) knew that he was upset over the loss of his googles.  He could not find them.  He could not remember where he had them last or when.  He is frustrated.  We are all frustrated because he is throwing a tantrum like a 2 year old over this.  You can't do anything, you can't leave the room and you can't stop him and try to get him to get a grip and make some sense out of this.  he is angry.

So what happens 3 hours later when he is going through you bag again and OOPS he finds his googles.  Isn't it funny?  Yes it can be but you had to spend over 30 minutes in a hotel room while he acted like a two year old.  The really sad and hard part is that he won't remember the humor or frustration.  We will continue to go through this pattern over and over and maybe after 2-3 years of this he might get it.

In the meantime it is frustrating and exhausting for all around him.  However I did have a day when I watched a young man with FAE and he charm my socks off.  He was so much like my son but because I am not vested in his future like I am with my son this child was adorable.  He was sweet and exhausting but at a different level that I got to see how my "well behave" child looks to others.  Why can't I get that child?

  

Am I getting old?

The first thing I have to say is that I hate Google.  I don't like that everything has to be connected.  It might be easier for some people but for me I don't like logging in to something and then seeing it connected to everything I do.  I am not tech savvy and I don't want to be.  When I post on my blog I want if private for the people that want to read it and not public but if people know me and can look at it.

Am I getting old?  I don't get the Google plus I don't get the "hastags" and the posts here and the post there.  I finally understand facebook and I feel like I am using dial up instead of cable..

My rant for this morning.  Why?  Because I had some things to say and I wanted to post and unlike in the past where I can go in and type my email and password I had to go into my gmail account and not just my account and I had to set a new password because I can't remember what I had the last time.  What I had written down was not working.  did I have the right email for the gmail account?  Why can't I use my old email that I like and not the gmail?  Why does it matter?  why is it frustrating me?

I hate change, I hate to figure things out and I hate having all my things connected.  I am afraid if I say something over here on this blog that someone that I don't want to see it may see over at a different site.  I can't explain it.  However by having to crate the new password and connecting with the email that I wanted too I forgot the reason why I wanted to blog.  Which is to talk about my kids and their accomplishments and to talk about the FASD piece and what was on my mind that I want to share and or blog so I have it documented for the future.

Ugh.

going back

We are headed back to MN for some more tests.  I am hoping the hormorne test will show that the low levels are very low in some areas to qualify for hormorne treatment.

I hear the boys come home everyday and talk about their height and how they get picked on and how even silly comments can hurt.  Then I have one that talks about not being chosen with his peers but still he enjoys going to school because he has some friends that he likes to hang with.  they are not in his class but they are kids that like to be with Brandon.  It is sad because some of them are so much taller than him and he is a year or two older.  I can see where that gets on his mind and he wonders and then he goes to gymnastic and he isn't that short or goes to church where the kids have known him for years and just let him be.

THe other child has his ups and downs with his height, wants to be taller and then there are days he is ok with it.  Just like most people there are days he is like "who cares" and then days "hey that hurts" so not like getting taller will help but growing with his peers.  I think he has some more growth issues due to his overall development.  He has alsways be short and stocky however, as the doctor pointed out he never really had a huge growth spurt like his brother at some point of coming to us.  He got feed and he grew but again his belly and head took the nutrients and his bones did not.  He wonders if his beginnings in life made him train his body to feed the important parts to grow like his brain and his organs and NOT to his bones.  An amazing thing that they have followed up on in many foreign adopeted and early children with failures to thrive.  So we shall see.

Insurance will be fun with this because of the way they have to measure everything and the sad part was the day we were up there for the appointment, Josh was over the 5%in height by .001 cm.  The insureance has to have everything in a black and white status to stamp a yes or stamp a no.  He did note that if we were to come in the following week when he would measure the same and be a week older than he would fall into the under 5%.  So silly and yet insurance has to have a check in area and yet ther is more to it than jsut a number.

I want to write a book. 

 

where to blog

Getting very confused.  Used to think that I could just blog and keep it where IF someone wanted to read it they could.  Now when I pull this up I have all kinds of circles and add and such I am completely confused.

Facebook took me a while and now this is going crazy and if people put you in their circles, can you get out of them?  Just trying to figure things out.  Think I like the old format better!!