Black Friday

Don and I decided if we got up in time we would go shopping. We did and went to Walmart at 5:05 am. It was already so crowded we had to park in the street. We did our shopping and were done in a half an hour. I laughed as we were leaving Walmart because I remember my husband once saying he would never run out on Black Friday and deal with the mobs for Xmas gifts. Never say never, he just did it and for his kids and for a toy. I said in a few years he will be sleeping in a tent to get there early enough... he said never.

Later in the day we did more shopping at the mall with the entire family. Brandon and Joshua did extremely well. They wanted to play on the playground which we did after we dragged them through 4 or 5 stores. They were troopers. We even had them visit with Santa and had their photo taken. Don said this might be the final year... which is sad but realistic so we bought the photo this year. Brandon may believe longer but only time will tell.

Thanksgiving

Well, we took off and went to my mother in laws house for Turkey Day. The boys did great. They were looking forward to going and enjoying time with Grandma and Grandpa and their cousin, who is older. Josh would have prefered going to my folks house, but that is because those cousins are closer to his age and my mom has a wii. Yes, he is my computer person and TV watcher. He has a ball with all of it. But I think he had a great time at Grandma and Grandpa without the wii. Grandpa S loves to run around with them and get them going.

Both boys ate a good meal. Joshua enjoyed the chicken and wanted more. No, we didn't have chicken we had Turkey but he kept calling it Chicken. Brandon needed more prodding but he ate pretty well. Brandon sat on his Aunt's lap and she rubbed his back and he stayed so calm all day. His meds really helped that way.

When it was time for bed, both boys got up and went nicely and calmly with us to go to bed. No fits no yelling and no complaining... we wonder if we brought our kids. Although, once Joshua was in tuck in bed, he looked at me and said with tears forming in his eyes "I want to go home and be in my bed" it was so sweet. He really missed being at his house, which made me happy in a sad way that he wanted his home.

Weekend before Thanksgiving

As you know Anya was here and stayed for a few days. When she arrived she brought the boys some toys and each a Ukrainian Traditional Shirt. Brandon loved his shirt and wore it to school on Friday. In the back of my mind I thought they (kids at school) would laugh at him for wearing it but only one kid made a negative comment. And apparently he made the negative comment in the boys room so their teacher could not hear him say anything to Brandon. Luckily Brandon is so unaware or really didn't care because he wore the shirt all day. Anya was impressed he wore it to school, it made her happy he appreciated one gift.
Why was she impressed? The night before when she handed them the toys, one was a truck and the other a helicopter, Brandon had quickly grabbed the truck. Then after playing with it he had decided he wanted a helicopter like his brother. So then he bugged her all night long about why she didn't bring him a helicopter. This confused Anya and she felt bad she didn't bring two of the same toys. I mean he would go play and them come back and ask her again, why she didn't bring him a helicopter. We told her not to worry about it and TRIED to explain to Brandon she didn't have to bring anything and that he should enjoy what he has, which he couldn't.
So then we offered him a choice, one truck toy from Ukraine or nothing. That helped but not really because he doesn't grasp this type of thing. This is where he is a typical two year old and needs to relearn about sharing and receiving gifts etc. It is sad to watch him behave this way but he takes longer learning this type of thing. I hope more time learning he will learn to share and appreciate what he has... I know many kids are like this but this is different. It is not the same as a spoiled child, he is emotionally very behind and times like this it shows.

Now how did Joshua do? Well, he had a great time with Anya on Friday and then Saturday he woke up crying and said he was hot. He had a fever of 102.0 ouch, I then had to tell him it was a day for laying on the couch and watching TV. Since he is a big TV goof this was fine for him. He had to miss a bowling birthday party which made him sad but I would not let him go. He was miserable all day, but by Sunday the fever broke and he was in better spirits. He was still sad Anya had left.

meds update

Ok so we are using a dose small dose of ritilin in the afternoon to help with the crashing. It seems to be better but I can't really say for sure. Is it me being more prepared for it? Or is he getting better on the meds. I have had two family that have told me that the Metadate can cause aggression. Which answers the question on whether did the meds make Brandon hate his brother more or was the sibling rivaly thing stronger because he never liked his brother or hated to have to share with his brother. I have a sister with two boys. The oldest hated his younger sibling I mean didn't like sharing or doing anything with his sibling and there was nothing they could do about it. I mean some kids can't handle siblings. They are older now so things worked out, but apparently a therapist told them their son did not care for his brother, he hated him.

So I guess I like to think the meds are making him angrier at his brother and that the meds were not making him more aware that he really hated his brother. That would be sad but yet Brandon has always been a very demading child so it could be. I will know in a few months. I won't be ajusting any meds until after the holiday. Just more confusing plus we are going on a vacation and that will be too hard.

Ukrainian Visit

We had a young lady visit from Ukraine. Her name is Anya. She stayed with us in 2004 for about three months. She was a foreign exchange student that we took in because she was from Ukraine. It was not the best experience. She was not friendly with the kids and a very demanding person and could not do much for herself. Needless to say she went to stay with the neighbors with three high school kids and fill out the rest of her year.
So she wanted to come back for a vist and we offered to take her in for a few nights. Not much longer because it is harder on the kids. But I wished she would of been here longer. She was a delight.

She has matured from a selfish sixteen year old to a nice young lady at twenty. I must admit I was impressed. She had made plans with friends and arrange the transportaion, was great with the kids, and fun to have around. She still has her quirks of demandingness (such a word?) but for the most part I enjoyed having her around. She even admitted to being a bit of a bother to her folks from 13-15 which is one of the reason she went and did the foreign exchange program. She really wasn't ready back then but she says now it was one of the best things for her. Her folks basically sent her here to grow up and she did. Why was it our job????
The boys loved her, Joshua cried when she left. He was going to miss her. She was great with the kids and played with them and really enjoyed them. She said I reminded her of her mother because I care about my boys. I cook for them help them and worry about them. Duh I did that 4 years ago but you realize that kids don't get it or she didn't but what teenager would? I think we both matured.

New Meds

Well, we are starting to try new meds in the middle of the afternoon for Brandon so he won't have to crash so hard. I gave him his first dose yesterday....Woa this was not good he was worse. I mean worse than the day before.
Now we went to Walmart and then home, and he was great at Walmart and I was thinking this medicine is really really helping... and then the crash. So was it the extra trip to the store? Just needed me or very hungry.
It really doesn't matter I am basically back to the beginning. We have to re train his brain about everything. What is making the crash so bad, just the meds? Is he hungry? DOes he feel he needs me? Extra comfort?
So today this afternoon I will plan on giving him my undivided attention. Now yesterday I had to help Josh with the homework he missed and that seem to upset him too!! Nothing I do is good enough... I wish I could crawl into his brain.

Major Breakdown or meds

Ok so I pick up Brandon from school yesterday. Earlier he had eaten the hot lunch which was a corn dog. He wants hot lucnh and this is the only thing I know he will eat. So when Josh (been home sick) and I pick him up he is happy and in good spirits. So I decided right then and there to go and pick up the new prescription for him. As we head to the doctors office Brandon quickly becomes upset with his brother and hits him. Now I know he should not do this but Josh has that special way of provoking him silently to get Brandon to hit. I tell Brandon not to hit his brother who is now crying like he has been hit with a bat. Then after a few minutes Brandon is screaming or I should say talking very loudly trying to get a rise out of me and his brother. It works, Josh says something and Brandon hits. So now I tell Brandon and Josh any more yelling screaming or hitting I will pull over on the road and they can get out and hit and scream all they want.
A good 5 minutes go by and honestly something about Brandon coming off meds getting home from school and just becoming unglued.... he hits his brother (not provoked) he is just angry at something so he hits his brother. Now I have to pull over.

Brandon is like "no moma no don't pull over" but I tell him I have too., I cannot drive if he will continue to hit and scream, it is too distracting to me as the driver and I don't want ot get into an accitdent or to have him get hurt or his brother. He says he will behave. NO honey something is not right right now, you need to get out of the van and scream and jump around to handle your stress. He gets angrier (can't blame him) and then he kicks me... I mean he is so frustrated now he doesn't know what to do so he kicks me -wants to kick the van (stops himself) and starts screaming. Finally I hold him and ask him are you hungry? After thinking for a moment he sayd "YES" and crys and is still carrying on. I hold him and then I make him wait outside of the van for his brother safety as I move his carseat to the middle away from his brother and closer to me. He gets in and starts kicking the back of my drivers seat. I pause and I ask him, are your feet going to be ok? Can they control themselfs? Or do we need to run those feet around somemore. NO moma they will be good.

I get back in the van and drive to the nearest gas station and get crackers and juice. Now you think, why doesn't he just say he is hungry and wants a snack? Wouldn't that be easier... but it really isn't that simple. He is hungry he is tired from school, he is sad that he didn't get to stay home with mom and his brother did, he is stress from keeping it together all day at school.... now he can release it all plus I think his ADHD meds are wearing off and his brain is going a mile a minute. I realize this as we drive to the gas station but we do have a better afternoon. I should have predicted this, but you cant', things look one way and then sanp it goes the other way. I mean I am prepared but not quickly enough to see it coming.
We have an ok day after that, both the boys are a bit on the wild side but I can't blame them, it cold outside and they are limited to what they can do. So I do a good deed, give them hot baths early and snuggle into bed earlier to get them to sleep earlier.... see what tomorrow brings.

Me and my life

So I am getting out of bed this morning and went downstairs to make coffee and chill before the boys get up. As I am thinking about what a great night sleep I had, I mean I didn't wake up with a kid, or for myself and that I really slept through the night I realize my body aches. My knees ache, my body is moving slower and I feel a bit slow and achy all over.
Then it hits me, if I have a good nights sleep I ache in the morning because I have been lying in one position for many hours.

So the question of the day is, do you want constant disruption at night so you don't sleep well and then you can wake up being more flexible or do you get a good night sleep for the brain and deal with an achy body?

Are the meds working?

Ok, while Josh is lying on the couch (see below) I am talking with Brandon during breakfast. We are trying new dose of ADHD meds and in the second month. Brandon does have an IEP - mainly for math. Gets special help at school for it.

M: "Is the medicine working for you?
B: "I think so, but not sure"
M: "Honey do you think they work or don't you notice a difference?"
B: "Well I guess yes and no."
M: "Can you be more specifice with a yes or no?"
B: "Well I think they are working but no it isn't working because I still don't understand math."
M: "Math is very difficult to learn and it is ok if you don't understand it, just keep trying."
B " ok" and he looks relieved.

So I am thinking does he thinks the medicine will make him have all the answers?? Or is he more aware of what he doesn't know?

Flu has come

I am such a good mom. My son, Joshua has been a bit cranky lately. Acting out in ways that were getting on my nerves. Then on Sunday I made a comment that he had a dentist appointment on Monday. He asked if he had to miss school for it and I said no he did not, we would be going after school. He said is Brandon coming? Yes and then he had this strange look on his face and then went off to play.
And then it hit me, how many times have I taken his brother to doctors, dentist and therapist during the school hours so his brother wasn't with us. And now, Joshua had to go to the dentist and his brother gets to come. I bet he was beginning to feel a bit neglected. No special time with Mom. I have been working as a sub lately and have had to go to work in the am and well I have sort of well yes pushed them out the door, even when they weren't 100% becasue I knew they would be ok.
So Sunday night Josh mention he doesn's feel well..... I said, well if you are that way in the morning you can stay home. Josh 'don't you work" I tell him it is ok I can stay home with him. We go to sleep.
In the morning I ask him how he feels, ok but not that good. Doesn't want to make a decision so I say it is ok for him to stay home... then he thinks about it and says he has special gym time, hot lunch menu is his favorite. I am like it is ok you can go I am saying if you need to stay home so you don't get sick that is ok. He can't decide, so i tell him to stay home and rest so he will feel 100%. He decides to go to school. Then at breakfast he looks a bit worn out, and I look at him and he say maybe I will stay home. I said that is great go lie on the couch and I will be with after I take Brandon to the bus.
So Josh stays home and I move the dentist appointment up at noon and we go without his brother and he has a nice leisurely day. Guess what? After dinner that he didn't really want to eat, he is throwing up all over. He has the runs and is throwing up and very miserable. I feel bad, but glad I kept him home that day.
I was ahead of the flu!! Or got very lucky. So he is home again today. Having another mental health day and making sure the flu is gone!!

pills are working

OK so I think the medicine that Brandon is on is working. We went to visit my mother over the weekend and he was very much in control. He was playing with his cousins with minimal of anger and resentment because he was able to keep up and stay focus and tell them what he wanted.
That is the one thing about the meds that I have notice. He is able to communicate better to us about thoughts in his head. It used to be very difficult for him to stay on one subject long enough to understand his thoughts. Now we wonder if he was trying to tell us things before but it would be so jumble in his mind he couldn't communicate properly to us for us to help him. which is quit sad and upsetting because you work so hard in one direction only to notice other things about your child that the "what if" sets in. What if we gave him meds sooner, would it of matter? What if we... I could go on etc but then I live in a world of guilt and not in the moment.

Conversation this am at bus

Brandon waves to a girl down at the other corner and says to Josh

B “that is Melissa, she is in my class”
J “oh”

B” yeah Melissa is new and when she came here Destiny (another second grader) called her name at recess and then lifted her shirt and showed her her bra”

J “ what is a bra”

B “ you know those things that hold them”

J ‘hold what?”

B “Mom tell Josh what a bra does”

M (slient)
Brandon then points to my chest and says “you know those things”

J “oh”
B “you know she wears one under her clothes”

Mom ”Just something women wear”

Other people now come to the bus stop.

End of conversation

Dinner

Well, we went to the dinner. Usually the kids eat with supervision and the adults go in another room and chat and discuss life with attachment challenged children.
Well because it was a special "family night" with the pot luck we all sat together. Which was fine and could of been quite enjoyable. There was a family to my right with two kids that are relatively new and enjoy hearing from us because the dad is very similar to my husband in the approach to parenting and how to change. So it was nice to talk to them.
Now on the other side of us by me was another family that I love dearly. The mom and I get along, and we are the same age same feelings etc... but the dad. He understands the issues with these type kids but yet has the uncanning ability to rival mine up and think nothing about it. I even had to explain to him twice not to get my child wild up. He laughs like it is nothing. I mean he leans over and tells Brandon "have you heard this one? Beans beans the more you eat the more you toot.." Yes it can be amusing however, if your child already has a hard time coping with the crowd other distrations and can't focus on eating the last thing you want to do is get him more wild.
He would say other things etc... finally when Brandon was jumping out of his chair and not eating and talking very silly it dawns on him that he should have keep it a bit more low key.. duh. I must say that was the most frustrating thing to do last night trying to explain to another adult that also has a disregulated child not to engage in silly behaviors at the table. Especially when you are at an event that deals with kids and their disregulation.
It makes you wonder then what they do with their kids at home, do they let them act wild at the dinner table and be crazy? Some kids can be distracted and wild and still eat a balanced meal and some people don't mind a crazy dinner table at home.. I know it is hard sometimes to be sitting or eating for my one child at the dinner table but when they feel the need to start jumping around and acting all goofy and being loud and disruptive then I have a problem. I don't think I am expecting them to sit with their hands folded and sitting straight etc... I am not, but some manners is appreciated.

Dinner with CHASI

Tonight is our monthly meeting. We are doing a potluck so I have to create a side dish for it. I am to have help with my kids and do a family thing or a bonding thing. So I take a non interested child and a child that has no attention span and make a dish to pass. I will let you know how it goes.

Ramblings

Every month we meet with a group of people that have or had attachment issues with their kids. It is a local chapter called Children's Home and Aid Society. We meet and discuss our woes with kids and how to help. Don and I are considered the experts, which makes us laugh. However, we are the only ones that have been their the longest and we are not afraid to share our experiences and how we deal with things and how we cope. Also, we are not afraid to share our shortcomings are mistakes and things that have added to our situation.

It is hard to admit you have issues with your kids and some of the issues are with yourself. Really what are you afraid of? This is the main question posted by Heather Forbes. The theory is your children live in a fear and flight mode all the time and you need to help calm the fear and help them. However, the fear your child has is a fear you can have or a different fear that you need face within yourself in order to help your child. I think I found mine. Fear of confortation was mine. I have a child with constant confortation which I had a hard time dealing with. It took about 6-8 months to really figure it out. Along the way I learn many things about myself. I think my husband is still working on it. He is getting better but there are times I think he still lives in the me mode. Not really the me mode but he wants to be too in control and when he cannot control he has a hard time dealing with it. Almost like it is not his fault but others, which sometimes can be true but at times he really needs to look at himself closer. But then I think most men are not as nurturing as woman and don't feel it like we do and blame others than look closer at themsleves. To me that is a me person, not my fault, but others and that is not as nurturing, but then most men are not as natural at nurturing as women.

Daily Life

I worked at the school yesterday and then at night I went back to help with the bookfair. Now I must admit that I was a bit nervous to go back with both boys with me and try to help out. I am visualizing them running around the place and disrupting the teachers etc. Luckily there is a girl there to help out whis is great but it takes mother reminder to help me.
Well, Josh wants to help me at the bookfair, which he can and does a good job. However, he kept wanting to open the door for people and be the door man. When it is 45*degrees out it gets very cold on the inside because he wants to keep the door open all the time so we are freezing where we were standing. Had to keep reminding him he needed to wait for the people to come to the dorr and not be a door prop.
Meanwhile, the young girl is entertaining Brandon. I think the meds are working. He was calm and focus off to the side. Until someone we knew from the past stop by to say hi and then he got all goofy. I know that is part of his personality but man does he go all bonkers when he feels he needs to entertain someone. Why he can't stay calm and focus drives me up the wall. He gets all silly and loud and jumps around, almost inappropriate but not quit. The girl watching him said that is enough and he quit. So there is hope, I am hoping he is just trying to figure out his personality at age 7.

I must admit there are a few good things with meds. One he is explaining himself better in some ways. more details about what is happening at school at play or times we are not around. This is good. The other he is eating more. now most kids lose their appetite he is EATING!! Yeah. Don't worry he is not eating enough to get heavy just more normal eating. Usually we have to fight him on food. Once we quit arguing it helps.

off from school

We had conferences with the teachers on Thursday for both boys. Joshua is doing really good, he just needs to slow down and take his time. He wants to rush through all his school work so his writing skills have a lot to be desired. He needs to breathe and write slower so he won't have to erase so much to make it legible for others. Speaking of erasing, did you ever notice that when kids (first graders) erase there stuff they use ONE swap through the pencil markings where the letters or numbers are still visible and then they write over it making it virtually impossible to read. Then you have to erase it more and more and the kids get mad that they have to write it again!! Child says "I just wrote it" I say ", but honey it is not visible for others." I help in my sons room so I see this every week. Very amusing to know your child is not alone it what he does.

Brandon teacher says he is doing well, we are always making progress which is a good thing but he still needs to have most of his school work modified. I hate having it modified so I wonder if he stays back a year in school would he catch up? I think the little boy has been through so much and he is so much in need of growing up that I want him to be able to relax and enjoy school and life for a while. In case you didn't know, we adopted him at 20 months and he had a major hernia that needed repair, so he was abandoned and in pain for the first two years of life. Then we discovered there was not attachment and went through therapy when he was 5, and now we have really bonded but discoved the ADHD ( which we knew was there many years ago but wanted to wait until we finish attachment). I guess you never finish attachment work it is a life on going experiences but we no longer visit a therapist. I guess in some ways this child is 5 years old emotionally or younger and we are making him do 2nd grade material. Yikes.

So we were off from school on Friday November 7th. I had every intention to go and visit my mother and hang out. However, we had to make more adjustments on Brandon's meds which took up almost the entire day and put me in a state of anxiety. I don't like feeling helpless to the doctors or anybody especially when it comes to my kids.

On a better note, we did make it to the discover center in Rockford and had a good time. I would have prefered to go to Betty Brinn in Milwaukee but that will be for a different day.

We discoverd that Joshua has a loose tooth. He is now losing his from tooth (he is growing up) makes me a bit sad.

Life with ADHD

OK so we put Brandon on his ADHD medicines. It has been an interesting ride. Is the meds making him remember more than before or is it maturity? Is he crashing hard off the meds or coming down with a cold. So many variables no wonder it takes forever to determine what dose you need when how long etc. It gets confusing but at least the dr and the nurse I talk too understand and realize we will be doing many many researches with meds to find the right one.
Currently, we up his meds and it seems to make things better but I am wondering if we could make it more better. You know? Little things are better but I often wonder... do you dose them until they are comatose so you know you have gone to far? I really don't want to do that but yet it makes you wonder if you are doing enough. We started the meds because keeping this child focus is an all day activity.

How do you know if you need meds? Well for starter this is our day..." Brandon please eat breackfast, honey time for breakfast, I know you find this entertaining but please eat your breakfast, Brandon you food... eat.... time to go soon finish..