Holidays

The holidays are here!! I was so excited for Turkey Day and I don't know why. Maybe because it is the time the boys get to run around with cousins or friends and have a great time and the fighting is kept to a minimum. Or maybe I don't have to cook or clean I get to be a child again. I am the one of the youngest and I get treated as such. So I have little to do. I can do more for others and I used too but then or until I had the kids. Hard to whip up some cookies or make great side dishes when there is homework, activities and excitement looming in the air.

We watched Santa Paws and both my boys were very very sad. It goes back to an orphanage reference and both boys got sad and scared. It made them upset because the lady was so mean. Which is sad because orphanage or foster care is always shown as a horrible place to be. My boys come from an orphanage and they took this to heart. One was upset and could not watch the movie. It touched something deep inside him but I don't know if he knows exactly what upset him or why but it did. He has issues so thoughts are a bit bumbled.

My other child bawled his eyes out because he does not want to go back to the orphanage. He thinks it looks horrible. He is afraid we will die and there will be no family left to take of him. It was really quite sad. It also brought up that his birth mom gave him up but she kept the sibling. Why, is his question. What did I do wrong he wonders. Again he did nothing wrong I assured him it was just the circumstance at the time and that he did absolutely nothing wrong. Luckily the show makes the same statement, briefly but it does... that the child are not to blame. He was a wreck but I think he is feeling better.

These questions come up around this time. This is a hard time for them because it brings back lots of memeories for my boys. This is when we became their parents and they left an orphanage, move to a new country and new lifestyle that they were not used too. Luckily things get more positive as we move to Christmas and the New Year. By January life should be back to normal.

tree card

Picture Tree Christmas

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Chipping away at the iceberg

The sign above is what I called "chipping away" because that is what it is like to have a emotionally handicapped child, or FAS. What amazes me is that 5 years ago I had a child that would not sleep. He would spend many a nights rocking and screaming or as I call it... hoo hooing. He would moan all night long. This got us to a point to find something else that was going on or something that is going on with our five year old. We sought attachment therapy or theraplay. We struggled to attached and struggled. We even had our facilitator frustrated. I would lay with my child for hours and I mean hours... could be an hour and a half (which meant I did not spend quality time withe another child) or more. It took time but we finally attached. Our facilitator thought our child might have FAS or FAE which over another long story he does and that is why it took so long to attached. But we did.

Then three years ago my child would fall asleep as long as Dad was in the hallway. Don would work on his injured shoulder by lifting small weights and stretches in the hall way between the boys room. He would lay there for an hour or maybe got in only 45 minutes.

Two years ago my children started sleeping on our floor. What started out as a camping outing in our room one night became a year and a half long of the boys sleeping on sleeping bags in our room to sleep. THey could not sleep in their own beds.

Last summer I made a sleeping room. I put there beds together and we worked many a nights for them to sleep in that room on comfy beds and not our hard floors. During the school week they did but on weekends they slept on our floors. I can say now that they don't sleep on our floor anymore. They have learn to enjoy their beds and they are now so comfortable in their beds this is the sign outside their door..

DO NOT DISTURB WHILE SLEEPING

and a few other things but hey, this is a super great start!!

life

Well, my mom has been struggling with her knees for a long time. First it was her back and then her knees. She had two knee replacements last October and they finally decided that there was a faulty piece of plastic in one of her knees that is giving her problems. So she was set to have surgery.

Well, she can't have surgery because they found a spot on her chest X-ray. This sucks and she had to wait for the doctor/surgeon to do a biopsy. They perform this last Thursday and said it would be weeks for the results.. huh?? They called the doctor on Monday and was told they have to wait until Tues. They get a call from the surgeon on Monday afternoon to come in on Tues at 3:45 pm. OK>> so they wait in the am. Her doctor calls and tells her flat out that it is not good news and that it is cancer and moves the appointment with the surgeons up to noon. Mom goes in only to hear the results and is told that she has to see the Onocologist for procedures. So why is she meeting with the surgeon in the first place? HE can't do anything with anyone.... why they have to drag this out for people that are already scared confused and upset just really annoys me today. Along with a list of other things but this is first on my mind.

Little Things

We just got back from our trip to Disney World and had a great time. Since we have been home I have notice a few things that are changing and that is good. I just received the report from the Research Triangle on the tests we had done last July with Brandon. In the report they talk a lot about Brandon and his ways of not focusing and easily distracted and strange noises and sounds he made etc..
However one paragraph really got to me. It was a test that I had to fill out and it states that is appears as Brandon has problems with executive functioning. However, these results should be interpreted with caution as the Negativity scale was elevated, meaning the mother tended to portray Brandon in a negative manner. This does occur when parents view their children in a negative light OR when children have significant behavior regulation problems. Given the mother's report of Brandon's behavior, it is possible that he is exhitbiting significant problems related to behavioral regulation and metacognition.

My first thoughts were, Yes I did protray my child in a negative light because I had BIG CONCERNS on certain behaviors. You don't go to a doctor and say you have leg pain and then discuss how well the other leg is doing. You talk about the pain. I felt very misunderstood at first and very angry. Then I re read it and I realized that they need to put this in... what if I really view my child negatively? I am sure I do because he can be very exhausting and when you have to repeat and repeat simple tasks on a daily basis you get drained. ANd when there is angression from your child you are scared for the other children in your home.
But anyway, it got me to thinking, maybe I do talk about the negative more than the positive. So this am I am trying to stop and think of all the things we go through everyday and how much some things have changed.

So with this here goes:
They walked to the school bus without fighting.
They are going to bed in a timely manner, since school has begun they are more willing to lie in bed and read books and have a calming evening.
They don't whine about not having the Wii or TV during the week
They were awesome on vacation, meltdowns too, but all kids will have them with so much stimulation, even the adults.
They are starting to use their alarms to get up.
I can go downstairs and remind them to finish dressing with out major battles or fighting.
They are doing their homework, or attempting it.

A lot of this has been since we have been back. It is only day 2 and this could change for any reason but for now I really need to STOP and ENJOY these milestones because they will start a fight going to the bus, but I can't dwell on that I MUST remind myself they have gone to the bus.... nicely.

ramblings and what nots

I get amazed at how people with blogs can update almost daily. Luckily they are stories I want to read. Many are from families that have adopted or have Large families and they talk about the highs and lows of parenting.

I feel like I don't post enough but then there is not that many exciting things but ramblings of our daily lifes. We just past Labor Day and we had a football game unfortunately we lost. Brandon and Josh did very well for the rest of the day without fighting and playing well together. Sunday Don and I shopped and the kids got to go bowling with the babysitter.

I have notice that during the week I have to say "no" to Wii and DS, Computer and TV for the kids to be able to be polite and working on their homework. They get along better and find old toys to play with. It is completely amazing. They feel like their world is coming to an end without the video but actually they are clear minded and more thoughtful and aware of their surroundings. However, I do miss the babysitter (Wii, TV or Computer) so I can get dinner ready, do some of my things etc. but I think the trade off is better.

the Mayor

Well it has become official. Josh has a nickname with the football coaches.. the Mayor. I guess he was reminding the coaches of what they said to keep them on their feet along with some of the kids when they misbehaved. Can Josh do everything on the football field right? No, but but he has a nicer yet pleasant way of correcting people. Don't get me wrong, the coaches all love him. So he goes by the name Mayor.

Unfortunately, he had one hard sack and he has been hesitent to play but that is changing. He was in the game last week on defense playing safety. He did good, luckily none of the players came near him, for him to tackle. Not because he can't tackle, he is still a bit apprehensive, but it will come. He is on the playing field.

Brandon had something new yesterday, he got a fever. You have to understand he rarely to never gets a fever. His body is built to defend and fight everything... yet he was able to relax and get a fever. I was delighted to see him so relax and enjoying being relaxed. Sadly it took a 100 degree fever to settle him down but he did. He wasn't miserable he was kind of excited he was "sick"

When my boys are sick and running a fever, I go and get a pillow and sheet and let them lie on the couch to watch tv. Josh was already running a slight fever so I had him on a sheet and pillow in the living room.

The funny part was when I found out Brandon had a fever I went and got him a sheet and pillow to relax on the couch. Josh had come out of the bathroom and was wondering what I was doing with his sheet and pillow. But he just looked at me like where are you going? and I was like Brandon has a fever of 100 so I am setting up a bed for him in the Family room.... Josh looked confused... he thought that since his brother had a Higher fever that I was giving Brandon his sheet and pillow from the living room and his was out of luck..

I looked down and realized the pillow and sheet were the same as Josh so I told him, don't worry this is another set, I am not moving yours from the living room to give to Brandon because his fever is highter. Josh was relieved.

Football Season

It has officially started. Football season. Josh was so nervous he didn't know what to do. He was worried, nervous, and excited all at once. First practice was Monday and he had a lot of fun. So much fun that when he went to bed that night he said he had so much fun that he was ready "right now" to go back to practice. After being so nervous he really settled down.

When Josh is nervous he really yammers(word I use, talks way to much about nothing- rambling). He was doing that in practice on the first day but seem to settle down. At yesterday's practice I heard one of the coach says "hey, when you hear the coach talk you need to listen.. Sattler you are always talking". That is my boy. We had a small chat about that. Hopefully he won't get in too much trouble, he is my socializer. Hopefully he will learn Not to yap in football practice.

Now the cheerleaders are practicing close by, so he has another distraction. I tried to talk to Brandon about being a Cheer... he seems interested.

Brandon meds work and don't work. He still is confrontational but I am going to go a another week to see if this settles down. My fear is that he will get this tone at school with other kids or a teacher and it is not pretty. He thinks his brother is yelling at him and he is not, it could be a sibling thing. So hopefully he needs to adjust to the meds.

Summer Fun?

We went to Magic Waters yesterday. Josh was able to do more of the water rides but really enjoyed the body slides. Those are not my favorites. We also enjoyed a roller coaster ride that splashes you as you go over the hills and dive into water. You go over 4-5 hills and have a blast. You are flying out of your seat when you go over the hills and I swear you feel like you will end up sideways. Well not necessary sideways but for someone, he ended up backwards.

Yep, Brandon somehow and someway on the 4th hill came over and started going backwards... the whole tube turned around. Luckily it didn't flip. The Magic Waters personnel told me that it has never happen before. The water ride shut down instantly and he was locked at the bottom of the hill. I think that scared him more than being shoved backwards.

I was waiting on the side and saw Josh with another Dad from our group go up the hill and it had stopped. Then I looked around and wondered where Brandon was. Some girls were walking down and I thought maybe they got scared. Then I notice the lifeguard go over to another location and I watched and then I notice Brandon. He came out of the splashed baster and I waved and he came up running and crying. The lifeguard didn't say boo to me so I asked him what had happened and he said he was going backwards. So then I walked over to find out what had happened and found out that because Brandon had gone backwards it had shut the ride down. Then the Lead person came over and talked with Brandon who looked like he had no clue at what had happen. She sent us to the Medical tent to be checked out. It was a bit scarey for a moment, but I knew Brandon was ok so I didn't panic or worry. I am just curious as to what could have happen. I mean the wind had to be just so and Brandon had to be in the air and water hitting at such a time... unbelievable.

The only thing that makes me a bit upset was the lack of concern the first lifeguard had for Brandon and sent him on his way. She just open the gate and waved him away. I held Brandon and walked over to find out what had happen with him. As I was walking up I heard her saying that kid went backwards... like he did it on purpose. I mean he could have but I don't think he did or would know how. Luckily I went back to talk with the lifeguards and when the lead person came over the lifeguard pointed out Brandon. Had I not come back the lead lifeguard would have not been able to talk to Brandon and me and have us sent to the medical tent.

When we got to the medical area they asked Brandon if he was hurt and he pointed to his skinned knee. However, the knee was from earlier like 2 hours ealier from the water bucket... but they fixed that boo boo.

summer

It has been a great summer. We have been very busy and on the go go go. I just started Brandon on his new meds but I think I picked the worst time to start. First we go to Six Flags and overwhelm him then his brother has a birthday and then we go to a Giant picnic where there is a petting zoo and bouncy stuff. Lots of dysregulated kids...he has been having a hard time at it. I swear not a good time to analize any thing.

This is the big final week. Next week we start football with Josh. He has been looking forward to this since April. I hope he is not bored or frustrated and hate in by August. This could happen... watching people play and actually playing are two different things. I hope he realizes that.

So I am still hoping to do a few more fun things like go to a beach, go to a museum, hang out with friends and relax before we go back into school. School is less than a month away. I know we start in a month and I feel like we just started our summer.

CRT Visit

Well it is official. We finally went to the Children's Research Triangle (CRT). The CRT is known for diagnosing and analyzing children with no medical history. They know what to look for such as trauma, bi polar, FAS, Autism etc. Usually International children get diagnosed incorrectly because kids without history and being internationally adopted fall into ADHD or mental illness that aren’t really there. You try to work on issued that aren’t there because they are masked by things the child does and you get nowhere and it is very frustrating. Attachment and RAD are things that gets missed along with so much. Basically they are told the child is ADHD without added help.

I took Brandon, and we did get the results I assumed it would be and I am fine/happy with it. He is VERY ADHD (big on the H) along with FAS. What does this mean? It means it will take many re directs to learn, many reminders, constant repetition to learn. Can he learn? Yes, he can. What does this really mean? He is socially and emotionally behind by 2-3 years. When he regresses further, it is just the “child” side of him nothing more. CRT did not see any hidden trauma, and felt he was very attached (YES) and that he is hyper and the FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) will/does affect how he learns.

The FAS explains why there are days my son cannot handle any large noises and will freak out at a toilet flushing and then a day where he is in the bathroom constantly flushing the toilet for extra/added stimuli. The brain is damaged and sends signals to his brain that he needs more (hence the flushing) but yet he can learn other ways to get the stimuli he is seeking. Another service we need to seek is OTSI, sensory integration so that he isn't doing one thing one day and then having affect him another day differently.

Another example of how his brain works is that many people can learn that 12-6 = 6… and that 12 =a dozen. So if you had a story like “you have a dozen eggs and you use 6, how many are left?" you would say 6, it just comes to you there is not much thinking in this. However, children like Brandon cannot conceptualized this,…. They can learn 12-6, and 12=dozen but the reality of it and using it doesn’t make sense in his brain. He will be taught each part differently and there will never be a connection. But he can learn it, re learn it and know each group and they will not be connected, but possibly over time (years) it might, but just that piece. He is very bright and of normal intelligents but you get amazed and how some simple concepts he can't get.

I know I have mention that Brandon is FAS, but I never had a true diagnose. The genectics testing done proved it but they wanted to do more genectic testing which I feel would be a waste of time. I got the diagnose so Brandon cannot lose his resource at school. Hopefully they will learn that Brandon does learn differently and that he will keep and add services as needed. My biggest fear is they take it away because he DOES appear to be typical with some quirks. Most of this diagnose is for when he is older..

But for now, it helps Don and I learn how to help Brandon and not make his world more frustrated. It also helps to know that what we see and feel is true about our child and that we can get plugging along the way we are and over time see results. We are not just paddling along and getting no where... there is lots of hope.

4th of July

I had my reunion this past weekend. It was great seeing everyone that went and really talking with some friends that go back to elementary school. One gal and I had third grade together and I had to realize my little guy is going into third... wow.. I think we re connected after many years not really knowing each other. You know you go different ways when you no longer have the same classes. Some I knew as an acquantice (?) I wished I had gotten to know in high school. Needless to say, it was fun and I am glad I went.

My boys did great. They let mommy have fun with her old friends. I was very impressed. They stayed with Grandma and then with my sister. They got as much sleep as me :) so we need to have more rest today.

A message

This is another blog from a family in Ukraine. Had to Share....


Impacting Each Others Lives

I must start out by saying, “Many blessings to all of you who have taken the time to comment. It has been such an encouragement to keep posting even when Internet is excruciatingly slow. Though I don’t have time to respond to all of the comments like I would like to, I am keeping them in the back of my mind and plan to answer all of them when we are back home. Thank you for all the birthday blessings for John—I read him many of the comments and he felt the love.”
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We knew this day was coming. Today was the last day we got to spend with the kids since they are heading off to camp tomorrow. The camp is much further away and we are already paying $40 a day for the drive to the orphanage so it would be even more to drive out to the camp everyday. Still, we plan on splurging in a couple days and driving up to the camp for hopefully, the whole day because all the kids are so worth it.

We began with our routine of seeing Nastya and Pasha first thing and they were very excited with the glow sticks we brought them. Such a commonplace thing in America-- but here--- to these children--- they might as well have been bars of gold. I know we haven’t had court yet, but still I already call them—my children--- well my children shared their glow sticks with their friends. It warmed my heart. I think they truly understand what it means to the other children to get a little enjoyment out of our visit to the Internat as well, even though we are not adopting them.

We did a couple of other things which I will share in an "extra" evening post because I want to get to the heart of this one.
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We all went outside and spent time with the children. Today many of the girls stayed close by me because I brought nail polish and toiletries. The older girls blessed me in ways I will never forget. Being so close to them today changed my ideas about older teenage girls in Internats-- and they will forever have a special place in my heart. It was a privilege to paint each of their nails yet they acted like it was a privilege having their nails painted by me. Phooey—little do they know how much joy they brought me. My heart was brimming with a mixture of joy and sadness as I held each of their hands in mine and painted each of their tattered, scraggly, dirty, worn, bitten to the quick nails. A few of them even had infected cuticles dabbed with green medicine. I felt bad for even noticing--- a part of me knows they are beautiful children of God and another part of me wanted to wash their hands and give them some Mama love---- oh how they each could use some Mama love. It was quite windy as we painted nails so of course the polish became lumpy and their nails looked like a mess, yet to them—they felt beautiful as I kept telling them, “Ochen Craseeva.”

This post is so hard for me to write but I feel that these children’s stories need to be told—so that it may change the hearts of others. These children do not belong here in this Internat- they belong in families like yours and mine. Anyway, most of them wearing the clothes I first met them in four days ago, I felt unworthy to be wearing fresh clean clothes with freshly washed hair and clean feet. Why should I have all of these luxuries when they have none? What did I do to deserve so much? What did they do to deserve so little?

I watched as an older girl who at first was very standoffish with me, tried to impress me by doing another girls hair. Impress me, she did, as she French braided the girls hair round and round around her head like a Jewish round hat that lays flat on boys’ heads. It was really beautiful and she beamed with pride that she could show me something I had never seen before. At one point she bent over and I could not help looking at her bra. The wires were both sticking way out of each side poking her and yet for this moment—she was happy…. content. Little did this girl know the example she was to me-- not the other way around.

Luda, the girl that at first would have nothing to do with having her picture taken--- showed me even more of her true personality today-- and what a joy that was.! She not only was extremely helpful in painting all of the younger girls’ nails but she then asked me to follow her and two of her best friends somewhere. I had no idea where I was going but I felt honored that they would invite me to go with them. As we walked through a beautiful field with fruit trees they pointed out a pack of empty cigarettes and shook their heads in disgust. I agreed and was secretly so proud of them for choosing not to smoke. They went over to the “perfect” tree where they wanted me to take “senior” like pictures of them. This was so much fun. At first they would not smile showing their teeth but after I told them how much prettier their smile was when they showed teeth they began showing them proudly. And you wouldn’t believe how much fun they were having. And I would snap their picture when they were laughing and smiling their biggest and happiest smiles and when I showed them their picture they agreed that they looked beautiful. After a while, they insisted that I get a nice picture of myself and they took great care of my camera while they snapped photos of me. At one point I adjusted my shirt so my bra strap wouldn't show and each of them quickly checked their own bra straps.

Let me tell you--- these girls are so easily influenced and my prayer is that even though this time is so short in the grand scheme of their whole life, I hope that I made a difference to them—because I know they made a difference to me. They showed me their crosses from when they were baptized and told me how they love God. This makes me very thankful to hear of their salvation and yet I know they are starving for His Word. How I wish there wasn’t the language barrier because I would have shared so many things about God’s love and grace for them. If only….

Like always—the four hours flew by and before I knew it we were saying good-bye. I gave away the toiletries and nail polish and I went into my purse and found some extra ponytails to give to Luba who I will never ever forget. After giving Nastya and Pasha a few extra pieces of gum, I secretly gave the rest to Luba along with more ponytails as I squeezed them into her hand. She quickly looked in her hand and whispered, “Spaciba.” We both smiled.

It took all of me to keep from crying.

As I climbed into the car, the kids were having Caleb autograph the backs of their hands. It was painful for us to say goodbye.

Such a dangerous thing to spend time with the children. Of course it is a blessing beyond anything I have ever experienced and yet come time I have to leave—the void I fill in my heart is one that can never be filled until I get to see their faces again.

And yes Karyn, I gave big hugs to as many children as I could. I also had our facilitator share this with the kids, "You are all such amazing, respectful, wonderful kids. You have made the Reed's visit one they will never forget. They thank you for being so welcoming. They also want you to know that if they could, they would not hesitate to bring each and every one of you back to their home because they think you are all so terrific. Have fun at camp."
Posted by Christine at 6:13 AM

OK I think we need the meds

OK so we decided to stop the Stratera, his ADHD meds for the summer. We don't think it was doing any good or really made very little difference in our lives. He is scatterbrained and hyper and so we are always re directing him. But this is a phone call with my neighbor the other day.

N: Hi just got the message that Brandon might be here and we were to send him home.. We just got home and got the message Did Brandon get home?

Me: Yes, he did... he just left and went running up to your house without informing me...

N: It is ok Lisa Brandon can come up anytime...

Me: But he was in the MIDDLE OF EATING HIS LUNCH...

I thought he was going to the bathroom but apparently he went out to play. Josh said he had left for Anna's and so he called there and left the message for him. Luckily Brandon had come home right away when Anna was not available and yes with re-directing he did finish his lunch.

summer has begun

We started VBS today and it went quite well. Just had two really tired boys on my hand all day after it was over. After a week of not getting up for something, it was a bit difficult to do it today.

On a sad note, after having wonderful success in getting Brandon to sleep at night, we are being tested again. He is so wound up he can't relax to go to sleep. This is quite common during transition.. i.e. summer to school, school to summer, schedule to no schedule. I need a few more weeks to re train his brain that all is ok and that he won't die he will live and learn to adapt. Teaching this sometimes can be a hardship but I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.. (or so I hope). I am sure to keep you posted.

Luckily tonight it was a bit difficult, but it only took an hour to get him to sleep, so maybe he is learning more than I thought...

REALLY?!?!?!

So I am at church talking with some of my friends about kids. Don't ask me what we were saying but something was mention about Brandon and parenting. And my friend turn to me and said "you know my husband and I were talking about you".... ME?

Yes, Brandon is so lucky to have you as a mom. Someone who really cares and takes care of him.

Hmmmm got me thinking, yes he is lucky that I go out and bat for him for school, life, learning how to communicate, learn etc.. but then I have to stop and think... he has given me more patience, understanding of others, closer to my family and really looking at the world in a different way that I guess I have to say thank you Mr. Brandon for teaching me.

First Day of Summer

Ok so one is up at 7:00 am with me on the first day of summer. I tell him to go back to sleep it is too eary. So since we have been up this am it is now only 8:00 am and I have not been able to do one thing without an interruption. I am tired and angry because I really really wanted to have a bit of a morning to myself and so I am going to have my pity party. WAAAAAASA

So far when I first came downstairs I had to remind this child there was no TV, then to change his clothes (they were smelly) and that started an attitude that I had to quickly remind him that this was not acceptable because he was tired since he has been up so early. Then I had to remind him after he had gone upstairs that the one room he should not go into is the room his brother is in. That is the first room he went into..... so then he comes down within 5 minutes and wants me to fix his telescope that he just took apart. It is only 7:20 am at this time.... no coffee and no he has not changed his clothes.

Then he goes up and changes and then tries again to get me to help him with his telescope. I am ok now since he has changed his clothes and he has tried. I then remind him that Mommy needs a moment.. (no coffee yet)

Now we need cereal... it is 730 am.. I tell him he can get it himself. No I can't he begins to whine.. I then have to explain he needs to try and that whinning children will take naps since they are up so early.... he tries, he CAN and he makes the biggest bowl of cereal. it is now 7:45 am... I had to remind him that he needs to take his medicine, he needs to eat ALL the cereal etc...

Now it is 8:02 am and he is in by me at the computer and wanting me to fix batteries in another toy. Have you finished eating? NO have you taken your meds? no but Mom I am cold and full.................... if this is the way the WHOLE day is going I am in big trouble. The toys is fixed because the child that cannot eat his cereal or take his medicine has figured out that he can open the new battery pack and unscrew the gadget he wants new batteries in and replace them. Now he can't screw it back together so guess who's arm is grabbed as she tries to write (type) please help me.

It is now 825 am and he still has not finish breakfast, or taken his meds, or finished with the gadget.... BUT he has not fought with his brother so I guess it is a good thing.

Sleeping

Even though school is almost out... I have a child learning to fall asleep. We always struggled with Brandon to fall asleep, he becomes restless and irratated and just plainly disrupted. I have gone to talking with him about fears, to release any thoughts in his head. I have rocked with him, I have laid with him until he falls asleep even if it takes hours.. and have even had the help with Benadryl.

A while ago I read an article called "A Guide to Parenting a Child with FAS." Now this guide is very similar to the Heather Forbes that children live in Fear and they need to be loved. However, a child with Fetal Alcohol can't learn with variables, everything must be concrete, in other words, you can't say "go find something to do." You have to say "go to the other room and play with your legos." You can't say "knock it off" you have to say calmly, "please stop making baby sounds, talke to me as a 9 yr. old" It is so simple but the simpler you make it the easier it is.

So at bedtime about a month ago when Brandon is wigging out as we call it, I calmly remind him that he is tired. He is showing us he is tired by his behaviors. Then after settling in to bed I just say "go to sleep" when he talks or gets silly I just say "go to sleep" and for the most part...(cross fingers) 85% of the time he goes to sleep. THIS IS HUGE

Last night Don was up with the boys at bedtime, he fell asleep. THe boys on their own turn off the lights and went to sleep. You must realize that two years ago even 6 months ago Brandon would have been running around and keeping himself awake. Let's hope this will keep up for the summer.

We did it

We scheduled our next Disney Trip. I am so excited and I haven't even told the kids yet. This is a huge accomplishment for me. I always spill the beans. I am so bad at keeping secrets from the kids but when one of my children knows of an event he is very restless. He won't be able to sleep because he will be so excited and just not getting the time frame will become very difficult for him he will get angry. So knowing very little until the time comes to go anywhere and then tell him is the only way to go. Makes it harder on me because I remember growing up always enjoying the excitement of going places or for Chritmas..etc. So for now I keep saying Daddy and I are looking at going back to Disney what do you think? and where do you want to stay (show them the hotel) what do you want to do when we go back? etc... the planning game. The kids seem to be into this right now, hopefully by the time they are done with this game it will be time to go.

I have even ordered special T-shirts for us to wear. My husband thinks I have gone off the deep end but this might be our last trip to Disney. Don would like to explore other vacations than just Disney. I am really becoming a Disney Fan.

Now I am really trying to lose a few pounds for the trip as well as for my high school reunion this summer. I started a few months ago but just giving up beer is not enough. Bummer. I guess the late night snacking and ice cream must go as well.

After I posted I realized the photo on top is from our last trip.... TWO YEARS AGO.. I guess time to update the photo.. now from the new Disney Trip or current..

DS (dear son)

OK a bit of history, Brandon(DS) and I had attachment issues and it took a long time to connect, flash forward and we realize it has a bit to do the FAE. The way he learns a lot of misfires and redirection and we are in a better place.

During the attachment phase we heard a lot of stealing, hoarding, and lying occurs. DS had none of these traits, he was wonderful at school (they thought we were nuts) and we thought we didn't have it that bad. Well yesterday, in the am my DS had taken candy from his brothers room and said it was in his room and so it was his. Well, it got in your room by you, so it really isn't yours but at least his brother didn't want it and he was happy to let his brother have it. But we explain it is stealing.

Then we are at the grocery store and my son is standing there and playing with something in his pockets... honey what is in your pocket? He pulls out keys.. and I look they are a bunch of Dad's work keys and some other keys we have had hanging in the hallway.. keys to the file cabinets and safes..etc.

I "UHm how did they get in your pocket?"
DS "I don't know"
I "so they just ended up in your pocket"
DS "yes"
I "I will need to hold on to them."
DS "ok, mom I don't know how they got there." It was so innocent and yet you know how they get there.
I "your Hands much of taken them and put them in your pocket."
DS "yes, my hands did."
I "was it when your brother and I were out and you were home with dad?"
DS "yes the keys got in my pocket when you were gone"

Well we will have to talk with your hands about this and ways to help you hands control themselves.

Now the most amazind thing to me is... when we got in the house my husband (DH) is looking to make sure we are not missing any keys and my DS walks up to his Dad and hugs his leg and says " I am sorry Dad for taking the keys."

This part is huge for me because he is able to communicate he did something wrong and is aware of it. The question with FAE children, will he remember and not do it again? Will he do it again and have to re learn it all over.. Time will tell.

End Of the Year

We are getting close to the end of the school year. I am getting excited for summer. This is the my time with the boys. Not just my time, but I get to see their days and what they do and what they encounter and how they handle everyday life. This really helps in learning what is going on in Brandon's mind. Brandon can not or does not process things the way most people do and so it gets hard to understand sometime, where he is coming from. Why does something so small seem to be so HUGE to him. It usually is not that "small" situation he is in, it is something that happen a while ago, a day ago or three weeks ago. He just doesn't know how to process.

So today or this morning after having a long chat with Brandon last night... I had a new child this am. He got dress with minimal reminders, he ate breakfast and got his backpack together and shoes on. This was done with 14 mins to spare to go to the bus, this is early. I was quit impressed and told him so. He then ran upstairs to get something from his bedroom and he even remembered to turn off the light!! Also, remember to flush a toilet (another little struggle).

What does this mean? My child is feeling calm and can make normal decisions and do the things that we expect him to do. Will he do it tonight? Probable not, he will be in school and then they go to third base (after school care) today so he will be a wreck, the amazing little boy I had this am will be an amazing little boy tonight... but at a differenct level. He will be upset, dysregulated and totally out of control.. small calm reminders will bring him to a level to get through the night, I hope I will remember and have the patience tonight.

Melt downs and rebounds

It has occured to me recently that Brandon tantrums are a lot less. When he is having one he actaul is learning how to have them appropriately. Now some whould say how do you have an appropriate tantrum.??

Well, it used to be he would hit and scream and bang his head. Now he is able to say what is upsetting him (some of the times) and he is leaving before he can hurt anyone and he is going outside and jumping on the small tramperline. Or hits some tennis balls. He is maturing in some ways. Last night when he begam so overwhelmed he cried and cried. He had to be told to lay in his sleeping area and he wept. Then he was able to get over his obsession of something that really wasnt' there but thought he would need. Another trait we are starting to work. Obsessing over what his brother has and he thinkgs he has to have.

Running into the door

So this morning as usual, my boys are bickering at each other. I get so frustrated with it and sad. It is so hard to watch them not get along and then I get so agitated that I want to scream. Needless to say as usual, one gets quiet and wants to leave and the other gets clingy.

Well Josh (quiet one) said he didn't deserve something and starts to head out the door for the bus. He won't need me. I know it is his way of punishing me and him. So I ask him to stop and tell him I need a hug. He looks at me and says he does NOT need a kiss and hug good bye. I then look at him and say.. I know you don't but I NEED a hug and kiss. He glares and me and smiles... so I take two giant steps to him and he turns to run away... smiling

BUT meanwhile his brother has approached the front door and has open it and the door was wide open... so Josh goes and runs into the door. SMACK the tears come. I hold him while he cries and he clings to me. At least I know he is not that upset with me that he still needs me.

Oh that is what it was... they both (after bickering) decided they didn't deserve a big 50" TV (Don is buying one today) and I am like the TV is not for you it is for their dad. Then the boys want to know what their Dad did to deserve a TV!! Uhm he doesn't fight?!?!

This is how my son went to school today. Originally he had on a Tank top and shorts, but I got a T-shirt over the tank top.... The shoes are dress shoes with black shocks. I hope kids in the third grade are not too worried about fashion. I know my kid is not... Life is short you can't sweat the small stuff, right?

BBQ

Ok so Josh comes home yesterday and says Mom do we have plans for Friday? He runs to the calandar and sees if there is anything written on the square for friday. He says good and then grabs a pen and says we are having a BBQ. Excuse me, what?

I told all my friends that we would have a BBQ on Friday and he proceeds to write on the calandar, BBQ 630 830.. Why so late? Because my friend Brandon cannot make it until after 5, his mother works and he can't come earlier. Don't worry I invited the parents so you can have a play date too. Uhmm Josh, you need to ask persmission for this before you invite all these people.

But Mom they all mark yes on the invites!! I have to get a copy of the invitation he wrote to all his friends...and post it. It was really cute. I guess what scared me the most was that I did get a phone call from anther parent asking me if I was having a BBQ!!

calming now

So far it has been a bit calmer around here. Testing for the state is over and we are closer to Brandon's birthday. I can't believe it. Last week Brandon' asked me how many more days and I said go count. He walked over to the calandar and knew what day it was and then counted until his birthday. I was amazed last year he would not know what day it was or how many days in a week, and now he does... little progress which is Huge.

Josh is going out for tackle football. I hope he does play and not chicken out. Last fall that is all he talked about. He wanted to watch all the games and he would give us the play by plays and practically wear you out. It was nice to see him get so involved, even though it wasn't our team. So to play he has to sell butter braids... he gets into it and has a great sales pitch. Then his attitude is is like no I not selling anymore, it is dumb. Then he will ask again and sell and then he treatens to throw it all away..... I just wish I knew which child would he be when I start the day versus guessing.

Confusion

I realize I have not posted in a very long time... don't really know why outside of laziness. I have a hard time posting the good things but quick to post the negative things. Why? I dont't know except I might have some unresolved issues I need to figure out. This morning I sat and cried my eyes out because I have a child that when he is so stressed at the age of 8 he acts like a 2 year old. All communication stops and there is no reasoning or consoling that will help. I am really talking to a lost child. It is really quite sad and frustrating. I think I am mostly upset is because I can't reach him at these times and he has to react to his frustrations but they are so sad and upsetting to watch. when this child is not getting what he feels is for himself he will bang his head. I know some of this is his way of regulating himself but it hurts to see him have to do it and if I rush in to hold or say honey you don't need to do that he will become more violent. Today I was to a point all I could tell him was.. I can't talk or help you right now without saying something mean, so I need to walk away and not talk to you. I am afraid of what I might say. He got upset but slowly after another 5 minutes of this he came downstairs and was calmer but still blamed his brother for everything. This makes my heart ache for the other child and I want to protect him and yet this other child is hurting so bad. It becomes a very difficult place for me to balance myself and I begin to lose sight of the the disregulated child needs.

Just putting into words have helped. Now when we come home from school I hope things go a bit better.

Winter

Off to the New Year

Kids started school. Going pretty good so far. Brandon keeps coming home disregulated but I have learn he has really begun to settle down in school so far in the new year which explains him coming home a wreck. We received their report cards and Brandon raised a D in language arts to a B... that was wonderful to see. The next question I have to ask is, what is language arts? He has Spelling, Reading, Math, Social Studies, Science, PE Art Music.. those I get, language arts???

Josh kept the same grades but went down in points for most subjects. I think he is getting bored because he is being challenged a bit too much for him. He spends so much time fighting everything whether learning something new or homework and once he settles down... he gets it and he can complete it in less that 20 minutes. It is the 40 minutes of fighting that get exhausting. Whether it be in school or doing homework at home. I really can't complain how they are both doing but I know Josh could settle in and do a bit better. He reminds me of me....

Going to see Grandfather Frost on Saturday through the FRUA group. We had a good time last year I hope it is as much fun as last. I will keep you posted.