I never really talk about Josh. Who is he? Just a little boy in my home with the biggest heart in the world. He worries too much about life and it makes me sad. He wants to fix things especially things that confuse him. He is very causious about things... doesn't like change and likes things to be constant. He is struggling right now with wanting to know many things about his birth family and just being in our family. He loves his family and he has spoken many times he does not care about the family that birth him. And yet he does. Luckily not all the time does he worry about this but now and again it creeps into his mind and he gets sad and confused. I tell him over and over again that it is ok to love them and it is ok to be mad at them. He can get mad at me, right? I am still here but his birth family is not.... however, they are.
I have an address of his birth grandparents that I write to yearly. Just an update and some information and now and again I get a reply. They know Josh is living in America but not exactly where. When I had an inspector find the birth families I offered to send updates if they wished. The grandparents would love it and I could send more than once a year if I wanted. It also turned out that his birth mom and birth sister live in the home as well. Josh knows he has a birth sister that is older but does not know I have written to them. When he is angry and upset with why his birth mom gave him up and not his sister.... I tell him to write about it. He has a good cry and I hold him and then he is done with the birth family talk. This makes me sad for I know I write to the family and I would love it if he would too only if he wanted too. Then I wonder if it would be too hard on him with his big heart. He is still young and very confused. I feel bad for the birth family because they know about Josh but Josh does not really know much about them. I only give Josh the information he wants to know when he wants it. I would love to tell him I have photos of the house his grandparents live (compliments of the inspector) and some of his sister and birth mom but he has little interest, so I can't force. I just hope he won't be super mad when he learns all this... but I basically started to find out more when the kids got older and started asking questions and I stumble upon an inspector in Ukraine who searched.
I knew there would be questions and as a parent I wanted to learn more. I got some great news for Josh but nothing for Brandon. Josh birth mom made the decision before he was born to give him up for she knew she could not take care of him with no money and no home. Plus she did have a child so a decision she made was to place him in an orphanage right away. I believe she was at peace with this decision and knew he would find a good home, plus I had learn she did not drink or do drugs during her pregnacy.
However, what we found out about Brandon is just the opposite. The inspector could not find his birth family just the apartment complex they lived in when he was born. It was a place as we in America would say is a "crack" house, filled with drunks and people that floated through life. We have really inspected his birth paperwork and documents and have come to realize that his parents rights to keep him where taken away and he was forced into an orphanage. His birth mom gave up the rights when he was 4-5 months old because she "couldn't take care" but we believe the government step in and took the child away. We also know that she did drink and do drugs while pregnant. What we don't know is really where was Brandon for those few months??? at a hospital because he was left behind? Or living in the crack house being neglected. We don't know but I know he was neglected either way. That is why he is the way he is ... a scared little boy who need constant reassurances.
The sad part of this is when I listen to my boys talk. Josh will tell Brandon that he is lucky because his birth parents didn't give him up right away because they wanted to spend time with him (what kind of life if they did bring him home which we don't know but you can't explain that to a child about the horrors he might of endured to a child just yet) ... Josh thinks that Brandon was lucky because he got time with his family and Josh feels his mom didn't even look at him or kiss him good bye, she just left him. I tell him that I believe she did and that it was a hard decision. Over time he will learn that this is quite common in the Ukraine..but for now just constant reassurances are needed for him too. Only time and understanding of the world as they get older will help them understand. For now, lots of hugs from Mom (a job I don't mind doing) :)
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