Suspension.....

Brandon got suspended today.  Actually it happen yesterday.  He had a pocket knife in his pocket and showed a friend who went and told a teacher.  So technically my child brought in a weapon to school, this is a 5 day suspension...  however, due to his disability he has to serve only one day.  When the vice principle called me and told me of the situation she said.."he doesn't get it"  She (the VP) realized that Brandon did not understand why he was in trouble.  He knew you didn't bring weapons to school but he wasn't going to use it that way he just "forgot" he had it in his pocket.

Why did he have a pocket knife in his pocket?   Because he saw it on the office "desk" and he took it to tell me (another paragraph) it was out and could he have it.  I know he told me that because of  a  problem we have been having and I have been working on with him.  I am pretty sure he wanted it and took it. 

Lately, Brandon has been taking things that don't belong to him.  luckily nothing out of the household that I am aware of but finding things as he rumages through our drawers and personal items... and find something of interested and puts it in his pocket.  Now the first thing we discovered was Don's old watch, it doesn't work, but he took without asking.  We told him he could have it but he had to find it again and ASK us to have it.  He agreeed..  The next day I found my old cell phone in his pocket that was in the office drawer.  He knew he took it with out asking because he didn't want me to pick up his pants off the floor.  He was a bit embarressed (something I could notice not a person observing) and said it wouldn't happen again.

Guess what I lost some file keys in my office.  I worked with Brandon and just said "hey if you find some extra keys just put them on my dresser"  He found some and put them on my dresser.  I spoke with him about this and was trying to decide why he is doing this.  Things are difficult at school and I know he feels a lot of stress... so I offered him a way out of making these poor choices but correcting them on his own.  I told him to put things under his dresser (where we found the keys) when he discovers things in his pockets that don't belong to him.  He was ok with this and gave him an out.  I think he realizes what he was doing wrong but he wasn't or didn't know how to correct it without feeling he would get in trouble.  I was hoping talking about his hands etc and giving him a place to put them so we don't loose things would help.

Unfortunately he wanted that pocket knife for a long time.  We even talked about getting them one for Christmas.... so I know he didn't take the pocket knife to let me know I had left if out (because I know it was in a drawer) he took it because he wanted it.  Now the theory is that children that take things are in need of something emotional that they are not receiving.  So in some way I am glad he is home so I can talk to him at odd times and see what he has to say because his thoughts and stories change.  I think they are so messed up in his head he does or can't process.  SO for now the child will be at my side or his dad's and feel secure.  I didn't realized how far away he felt.  Don does not feel it as "emotionally" as that and it may not be that emotional but with his FAS and thought process he has to learn the correct way to handle situations because we will not always be there for him. 

Hopefully I will learn more of what is going on in his head and post it later.   

Progress Reports

We got the kids progress reports. Josh is doing extremely well in science and technology... however, his social studies is not good. He talked to his teacher and we have a month to get it up to a B. Yes, he is getting a D. I have never seen any homework or anything that he has done in this class.... however, in math I had to point out that when he brought home his assignments and we reviewed it with him and helped him understand his math he would get a 10/10 and do well on the test.... hmmmmm and we never saw any SS. So I am hoping he will bring some home so we can see where he struggles and help him understand. Josh is smart but he likes to do things quickly and be done with it without the re checks. He makes so many simply errors that when he slows down he does extremely well. Plus he is on safety patrol, technology club and he even got elected to student council... I don't want him to lose any of the extra privieges.

I am so happy for Josh. In the third grade he wanted to be a part of student council at school. There were so many kids interested that the teachers had the kids take a vote and elect two from each class. Josh was not picked and he was SO bummed. I felt at that age they should of drawn two names since 80%of the class wanted it.  Or it could of been because he lost out to TWO NEW students, which I think everyone wanted to make them feel welcomed but I had a sad child so I felt differently. However, we moved to the new school and in the fourth grade you were not part of student council it was for 5th-8th.  Bummer So he started his 5th grade year, and yes he had to be voted on to do student council.  I was worried for him because at one point he did not want to do it for fear of losing.  I said it was no big deal if he did he should try... and he got chosen.  I still don't like the voting system at this age however, instead of most of the kids there were only 3 and two got picked.  So the kids that want to be on student council really are the ones to be elected.  Luckily the child not chosen didn't really care.  or so I hope. 

Brandon progress report was very good too.  NO!!  Why am I concerened that he has a good progress report??  Because he has an IEP (individual education program) and I don't want him to lose it.  He has FAS and even though he does well he needs to have him crutches to help him.  He will go down the tubes quickly if he does not.  I am not trying to be negative, it is a fact.  He knows things and then there are days he won't, he has completely forgotten them.  This is where his brain has been affected by the fetal alcohol at birth, he has no control over this but with lots of repititions he gets better but he still has moments.   When they leave for breaks he has to learn simply procedures all over again, but he is getting better at it, but he needs the IEP to help.  The school took a lot of minutes away from him last year and I don't want him to lose more. 

Now, on his state test he did "below standards" in math which makes me breathe because they can't get rid of his IEP if he is failing the state levels.  So it shows he needs the help.  Currently his reading score is just a bump above "meeting standards" so I hope it stays there and with the IEP it will but without it, he will not do well.  I think the teachers thinks he has it but then he tests and he does bad... so he really isn't getting it as they think.  I don't want to have him fail so they "get it." I want them to understand he learns it slower on some things but with constant repitition he will understand some things but he won't get to slow it down if he does not have an IEP.  This is why we struggle with homework at home, he doesn't understand things like it appears he does at school.  Also he is not medicated at home by the time he gets home, so many more obsticles we face that the school does not see.  But then I get "every child is different at home"  another post and I am sure I will update you on his school progress. 

soccer season

Why is the first soccer game the coldest day in Fall?  It has been so hot lately and then a few fall type days and now winter coats are needed.  UGH  Luckily it is a short cold spell but I hope we get some nice fall days.

It is good soup days though.  I need to find recipes for tomatos.  I have a bunch and I want to use them up in a good way. 

We have a conference next week in regards to FAS.  I don't think I am going to learn anything more than what I know but it is a great reminder of what I do know.  Why my child can do things that drive me nuts and yet I know it isn't on purpose, but needing direction.  It sounds so simply in writing this but it isn't on a daily level.  I video taped us the other day.  As I replayed it and I am listening to it I think I sound calm but I ask a lot of questions.

I want to really capture what I see but by the time I have the camera the anger has past and I should be grateful but I want Brandon to see his anger and how he looks.  Then I realize maybe it is better he does get over it quicker.... and I don't need it to show my child how he looks and acts over things that even I can't control.. like homework. 

 

Daddy is getting it

The other day, Josh had mowed the lawn and had bumped into the house with the tractor a few times.. he ruined the siding on the house and left big black marks.  I notice this a few days after he had mowed and Don didn't notice at all.  So I had to show him... he was not happy and rather upset however, while talking to Don, I reminded him he may be angry but yelling is not going to fix this.  He knows this but frustration can get the best of you.  Anyway, he showed Josh and talked to him about it.  When it was time to mow the yard again Don went over what was expected of Josh and let him mow the yard.  Unfortunately, this time Josh mowed over a mat for the front door that was out on the cement blocks by the hose reel.  He tore up the mat, .. Josh was upset and fell apart.  He could not mow anymore and was very upset.

I pointed out to Don that explaining the expectations and knowing kids are going to screw up they will get it.  Don felt bad for Josh and try to encorage him to go on and keep mowing.  I think both Josh and Dad came to a better understanding of each other.  Don became aware that his son is capable of things but it is still a child and really doesn't know as much as he thinks... and Josh learned that his Dad doesn't always yell over things. 

Don came from a family that yelled when things didn't go right.  I lived with a family that didn't confront.  Parenting at times can be difficult when you look at things from different angles... but we are making progress as parents to do better.    One thing my husband and I disagree with is tolerance. Don grew up in a home that if you didn't get it the first few times, you were yelled at.  I didn't have any expectations.. we just did things.

So I have been always reminding Don (who really has a heart of gold) that yelling isn't the answer. Kids will get it over time with lots of reminders and chats that you have of what is expected et.c It is not an overnight of progress it is like chipping away.

I think it has been nice because lately I think Don is seeing how this works and experiencing it as well.  Plus the boys are getting older and understanding many things as well.  I just hope we keep working at helping our kids be strong adults and have a healthy character.
 

Chipping at the iceberg

I had a note from Brandon's teacher, she stated that Brandon has been filling in his agenda and remembering to bring it too her for a signature.  YEAH  Two years ago, he could not even fill out the agenda and get ready to go home.  He had so much difficulty that his 4th grade teacher ended up giving his agenda to the girl next to him to do it so he could get ready.

This is something that we chip away at.  It is not something that happens in a few weeks, this take years to develop with him.  We are slowly making changes in how Brandon is learning how things need to get done.  We are constantly trying to keep his emotional gap at the least amount of years behind his physical age.

I would honestly say he is still 5 years behind his age BUT there are times he is only 2 years behind.  I need to keep this gap.... if we can we may have a twenty year old by the time he is 25.  Is is realistic?  I honestly don't know but I will keep chipping away.

His home base teacher is worried about high school.. and I had to say, I can't I have to worry about today and helping and assisting and knowing why he isn't getting what he needs.  This is when constant reminders are so very needed.

I have learn with FAS child everything is REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT... and then REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT.

Life is black and white and you create a way to make their world that way while dabbling in what reality differences are... if that make sense.

On another note, Josh failed his hearing test on his left ear.  So the nurses brought him in today to reevaluate it.  At first they wanted to make sure he didn't have any ear infection or wax build up and No he did not.... I got a bit concern but then they re tested him and did a more comprehensive test and he passed without a problem.  WHEH