Halloween and so much more

I have to post photos of halloween. 

 

this photo makes me laugh...

 

which is wood and which is Brandon.. then me with my 80's doo ..

 

 

bumming

I typically don't blog of me but lately things have been a bit sad.  We came home from Disney and it is sad to have a nice trip over.  Yet, usually when I come back from Disney I am ready to go back and this time... not so much.  That makes me a bit sad in some ways.  Or not.

My sister who has breast cancer and is "good" will have her follow up tests done this week.  She has been feeling better and doing really good, but her life style is very busy with three kids.  Anyway after the chemo, you get to a place that is like, now what do I do.  It can be a let down because you go from tons of appointments even if it is drs and nurses that will want to see you and get to know you etc etc... then there are none.  It is nice not to have any appointments but what do you do?

So they created a place for women to go and train to do a tri athalon... yes, running, swimming and bicyling.  It is work but it becomes the new goal.  YEah.  So my sister did this.  She did a great job and we all cheered her on.  It was a very emotional thing to watch these woman that had formed a group and that were overseen by doctors was just amazing and wonderful.

My sister told me today that one of the ladies she did the race with and trained with has found out she has cancer in her lungs.  This is not good, this is what happen to my mother and well lets just say my mother is no longer with us.  So it is sad and scarey for this family and my heart goes out to them.

Now as sad as that is, my sister just told me that this girl had posted on "their blog"  about some of the symtoms she has.  It turns out my sister has been dealing with the same issues with her chest.  FOr a lack of better words... crap.  But I am praying and hoping that even with the same type of symtoms that the reason behind them are not the same.  I hope she finds out soon because that is a very scarey place to be.

The other sad note, is a blog I used to read all the time to give me insperation and wonderful ways of telling how to deal with traumatized children, abandon or any type of kids has gone private.  I love her wisdom and her strong belief in the Lord.  I need her strength right now.  Hopefully she will start a side bar and I will be able to read some things.  Luckily my blog following is so small, it is for me. 

BTS stuff

Started another school year.  Same old same old.  Now things will change.  We went to Disney and the boys had a great time but now the homework and missed assignments are due.

Brandon is clueless on this.  He came home angry and disappointed about things.  Some of the things he mention, I get it and understand why they upset him.  However, the kids he talks to me about are the same kids the next day that are his friends.  I can't keep up.  I think they are typical kids that poke fun at him but yet like him enough that they are also nice to him..

However, when he does get teased, Brandon will go over the top trying to get them to stop.  He has yet to learn the real art of saying something once and walking away or ignoring.  These kids will stop.  They know they can get a rise out of him and he will act like a child.  What child would not want to do this for entertainment.  It isn't right, but Brandon't world will be like this so he and I are trying to get him to understand the difference.

Then we have the other child, apparently he laugh when one kid was poking Brandon.  However, once he understood his brother was not happy and upset since he yelled enought for an aide to come by and move one of them.. it hit Josh.  His brother was not happy.  So he told the kid that the person he was making fun of was his brother and not to do it.  The kid was concern and felt bad.

The hard part for Josh is that when we are at home his brother will and does take out all his anger on him in some sort of way.  We are working on this, but to Josh he is an annoying brother.  Too us, we know it will take time for Josh to understand how to help him. 

fasd and the facts of life

It is getting very confusing and frustrating around here.  THe child with the FASD cannot comprehend the end of summer but knows it is coming.

However, I did learn to really interesting facts of fas kids that I will share that I also knew about however, just never put into words.

They will get something on their mind and can't let it go.  They become so consumed by this thought that any logic or world around them is gone.  Case in point, child knew we were going to Green Lake to visit family and some of our friends and the "possibility" of fishing was on the table.  He was so consumed with fishing and wanting to fish that he was LOUD and carry on about everything else.  He could not or would ot settle down to what was happening around him.  He just took things to the extreme.  Then this past Sunday he fished with some friends and when he was done we went home.   He made a two hour car ride home easy and he ate like never before and was happy and content with what was happening.

What happen?  He was so consumed with fishing he was out of control until he went and he did for a short while but it is what he remembered and what he wanted so until then nothing mattered.  He could not articulate that he wanted it so bad but he would by being aggressive in other areas.  Just very grabby and impulsive and like he had to go to the bathroom all the time.  He was just worried he would not go fishing (even though reassured that he would) he could not settle into himself and around him until it happen.

This happens alot with a child with FAS kid that has a lot on their brain and they become obsessed with it and can't let it go and the sad part cannot really articulate what it is... you just have to know and learn them to understand and help them through this.  We figured it out.

Also they don't like to be in trouble (who does) but they will give you the answer you want to hear and not what is happening.  He had an accident the other night and hubby asked if he had wet the bedding... so not to get in trouble (even though he won't) he said "no" well when hubby checked he did have wet bedding and that was not a happy situation.  I told hubby that you cannot ask a question directly to the child because they will give you what you want to hear not what is happening.  So what he needed to do was say to child..'"it seems your PJ's are wet, how are the sheets?"  well yes the sheets are wet so he will tell you they are wet or you get more creative asking these questions than just a direct question.  They are honest but yet know when to tell you what you want to hear.... a mix up of brain activity...





 

Summer 2013 - Busy

What can I say tyring to keep two boys from sitting still is not happening.  Actually we went up to visit Grandpa and some cousins for a few days.  It is nice when Brother RJ takes time off and we went to the Discovery Center in Milwaukee. 

Then after we got home, packed up again and headed to some friends at church to their lake house near Madison and stayed a day. 

So today in Sunday and we are resting and I think we will for the week.  Or so I hope.  next weekend brings a family reunion in Green Lake, WI (we should just move to WI) with the Sattler's clan.

Now we only have 40 more days til Disney.... can you say relax??
 

as for the other child

I tried to comment on the other child below and it would not let me continue.  So I posted a picture of them together. 

THis is Josh's birthday month and he gets really excitied and really sad.  He is living an emotional roller coaster with his birthday.  On one had it is great to celebrate and on the other, that means somewhere there is his birth mother who gave him up. This makes him sad and confused.  He is trying to understand this but who really can.  It is upsetting.  He loves us and feels very much a part of our lives but this is the month he is extremely sensitive.  I have to remember that.  This can be hard because I don't think of him as any other than my child.  So hopefully I will have a minimum of issues with me because I am aware and being very sensitive to this.  As best as I can, we did not or are not traveling this month for his birthday so he can celebrate with his family!!

2002:

to now

 

Finally summer and start bio feedback

We are finally having those lazy days of summer.  It is nice not to be so rushed here and there.  I would like to think I have a clean house now... but that isn't happening either.

Anyway, to a child or many kids with no organization they get a bit out of whack.  A child with FAS will get more out of whack and then some.  However, I did read an article on the outbursts and how they are related to FASD.  They will say things without really realizing what they are saying or what they are meaning.  Either way they are hurtful at times and can zing you to frustrations but you learn it is not a true thought process but still it is hard.

So I enrolled Brandon in some bio feedback program.  He had the initial consult last week to get the baseline.  He did not like the hair gel because it hurt.  I realized it wasn't hurting it was cold and that was confusing. 

He wasn't very fond of this but likes watching the movies.  Supposedly he will be able to watch movies and train his brain to controll impulses.  It will be interesting to see if he really will automatically learn this.  It is still a training in process but time will tell.  constant repetition is very key to getting this and training the brain manually with reminders and rehersals.  I hope some of the shouting out outburst will subside or he will learn to control some of them.  I will keep you posted.

As for the other child,



 

Reading books on FAS

I read a book recently in regards to raising an FAS child.  The back of the book said to use humor and gave ideas on how to handle the many challenges/differences a parent has to deal with than raising a child without FAS.  Unfortunately for me, the book just gave me situations the mother faced but not hot to DEAL with the situation or try to make it better.  It just said "this would happen" and "this is how I felt."  This does not help a parent trying to learn how to handle things better or differently because things stayed about the same.  It made me realize I am not alone but I know that already.

The one thing it did mention over and over again was the power of prayer.  Not the power to change the child's ways but the power to give the parent strength to help their child.  To give the parent patience and understanding how the child is growing and trying to guide the child through difficult situations time and time again.  That is what is true about a child with FAS, the swiss cheese brain.  The child is so bright and for lack of a better word "normal/ or age appropriate," to being emotional a baby or toddler in the next.  This can be difficult to parent because your patience will wear thin.

On the other hand, the nice thing about a child with a swiss cheese brain is they forget and forgive very easily.  They will become friends with strangers and they will make friends with bad people.  That in itself is very scary but with proper guidance and teaching hopefully they won't fall into traps and become victims.  But only time will tell on that.

I have stopped  to look at Brandon and try to be patient.  It is difficult when I am tired or have alot on my plate.  I think what I get frustrated with the most is when I can't have a "normal" life.  I can't just pick up and run to the store to get an item, or realize I need to exchange because I bought the wrong thing.  I have to plan and figure out when and how I can take the time to do these things.  Then it gets added to the other things I have to do.  You don't just run to the store or do a special task because you can't.  It becomes very upsetting for a child with FAS. 

Brandon hates the store (I know many kids hate the store) but do they hate it so much that they scream and kick the back of the chair in the car or make it so miserable for the rest of us that you can't just walk and look at things?  He will fight with his brother, he makes things up in his head and he stays so angry at you because you won't buy him things or you take to long because you did pick up 6 things and you said 2 things that you are exhausted at the end of the trip of going to the store you have no energy for anything else.  This doesn't happen as much as it used too but it still happens. 

We live in an area that when I pick them up from school or go to an activity it is easier to go to the store, price of gas is not cheap.  I sometimes have it in my head to go to the store to pick up a gallon of milk etc that I think he knows and he doesn't.  I know that it is hard on him but I try to let him vent and then move  on and soemtimes that will work. 

 Yesterday was one of those days.  He had a dental appointment.  I told him in the dental office that we had to make a trip to Walmart.  He does NOT complain or get "very" frustrated when he is around other people, he saves all of this for just the family.  Anyway he was a bit frustrated and stomp his foot and he must of looked like a child that is very spoiled and not one with brain damage.  Anyway as we left he started talking really loud at me and saying "why do we have to go? can't you take me home?  I want ot play on the WII?  Unfortunately, right there, when that voice of impatients come and the anger, a lot is contributed to video playing.  So to offset this frustration I said there would be no WII today.  This made him angrier but at least that arguement was no longer. 

I had my own personal melt down that morning.  I cried and got sad that he needs to learn life does not go by playing video games and doing what he wants when he wants too.  He thankfully gets it at times when we are this upset with trying to deal with his emotions.  (we have them too) that he settled down and calmed down to "dealing" with the store.  As we walked in (he had the list of the 10 items) there was a display of drinks on sale.  (might add his favorite) I stopped and said, Brandon these are on sale and a good price, I am going to look at them is that ok?  I got the glare but he quickly realized I would pick one up and possibly his choice that he helped.  I then asked him was it so bad to shop when sometimes you can get things you like (not everytime) but if I stop and get to look at the specials... and on and on.  He smiled but was still ready to get out of the store.  I then wanted to stop at another spot and I told him to get the cans of cat food. 

Now the type of cat food we get in the cans are the Friskies Tasty Treasures in turkey/cheese and fish type and a special pate.   Now remind you, Brandon does not feed the cats unless you ask and when he does, he does not open the cans of cat food, he usually pulls the open one out from the fridge and puts it in a bowl.  This gets done by him maybe twice a month let me tell you it is not that often.  So I was amazed when he was gone so long and came back that he had EACH flavor in the cart and he had two each.  I really thought he would either come back and aske me questions  or grab whatever cans.

So yes he does pays attention to somethings or at that particular moment, he knew exactly what to do.  I was amazed and told him that I was happy he knew which type of cat food he liked etc.  He just look at me like why wouldn't I?  Because tomorrow when I ask you to feed the cats you won't know where we keep the cans of wet food or how much to feed them.

Such the roller coaster but it really has its "highs" and lows with sharp turns....



 

Great Mother's Day photos...

Brandon and Mom

Josh and Mom

something was funny

he was done with photos

The difference between FASD and attachment in the AM

As you know I blog a lot about Brandon and the FASD piece of our world.  It can be very exhausting at times and overwhelming and then things go well or there is a moment of calm that you don't really notice until after it passes because you don't see it.  It is not notice until after because something happens and then you are internally frustrated but then you STOP and go hey this was not like that the other day.... hmmm progress. 

This morning was one of those mornings.  I work Brandon up as usual which consist of a quick back rub and some silly song sang quietly and bring him his medicine and water and quick chat of our day.  So what is the difference with attachment and FASD??

Well here it is in my opinion... with attachment you spend a little longer on the touching and reassurance that they are loved and part of a wonderful family.  Then you may leave the room and as a 12 yr old, if attached (somewhat) they will proceed to get dressed and get ready for the day.  This is all mainly for a school day....

The FASD child?  You do all of the above, however you have to add... you need to get dressed, you need to put your (pull up in garbage) and dirty clothes in hamper , you need to turn on the radio AFTER you are dressed for school, you need to turn off your night light, and you must worry only about you getting ready, you need to be downstairs for breakfast by the time the clock reads 6:30.... also ou may not bother your brother, you are not to worry about him, you are not to go near his room, or stand in the hallway and look in and you cannot tell him what to do.  You will focus on and what you need to do. 

Then you have the child repeat this, and they do, and then you leave, only to come back with the radio on and their pj's still on or sitting naked on bed with a book... the meds for the day (for ADHD) are still on the headboard with the glass of water.... so then you stand there while they take the meds and you repeat the above.... please get dressed and being downstairs before 6:30..and you get the "I know Mom" and I smile and say well are you dressed?  Is your pull up put away?  Night light off?  and then I get "well Josh is not"... OH>> honey we do not worry about Josh, only you and what you need to do....

I leave so he can make decisions on his own to get ready.  There are days when he will get up and take his meds and get dressed and leave his brother alone and then there are days that if I am NOT standing on top of him, nothing gets done.   Then there are days I have to stay with him so he takes his meds and then he does ok. 

This is and has to be done everyday.... Daily, if I miss don't bother your brother, he is right there bothering his brother.... there is screaming and fighting and it will not stop until we are on our way to school... there is no way to bring the child back to reality.  He is off and into his own way of how things need to be done.  Luckily for now, he mainly does this with us.  However, what will happen in the future when he is with strangers and other people that is not his family that he is comfortable with..... how will he do?  I know I can;t worry about this and just be in the moment.  But you do.  It is hard to remove yourself from this.....

This is why there are days simple things can be exhausting.   

another wow moment

School is back in swing again and it seems we are calming down about things around here.  Structure structure sturcture..

Brandon still won't do his homework, that is ok.  I am learning this is his responsibility.  NOt mine.  It is hard to do however, he needs to understand that it is not just me or his father that are concerned about this.  It is his and he needs to take the ownership and work with it.  He is smart and he can do this.  It will take lots of energy on his part, which we are trying to get him to learn now and understand this.

It is not easy, it is difficult. 

However, what was really nice was that last night as we were driving home from church Brandon ask me a question about bedtime.  I said that they would be going to be at 8:00 PM.  Brandon looked at the dashboard of the van and said "it is 7:12 now, so I guess I have about 45 minutes. "  YES YOU DO!!!  he figured it out... and on his own.  this is from the child earlier that set his phone up for 13 hours til bedtime at 4:30 pm.

Little improvements but they are there.  I still will not leave him home by himself because I think he would just play video games and get lost and I would never get him to get out of the video mode and he will be angry.  There is more to do than video games but he has to find them and he will.

As for Josh, he is trying to understand his brother, but as a brother goes... he is a brother and a pain in his side.  He has trouble with him and I understand that but teaching him what to do is hard for a 11 year to grasp.  Why can't he just do things etc etc.  So from time to time Josh will challenge us in a very negative way to see if he can get attention.  Then when he does, he is not happy. 

 

Little victories??

Brandon has been acting out lately.  Enough of this acting out that it has became a very big frustration in our home.  I am expecting this since we are on spring break and doing lots of traveling to visit relatives and changing of the daily life schedule.

I am not prepared for my husband to have a total breakdown over this child and HIS expatations on how this child should be.  However, it got to the point where my hubby broke down and cried because he does not know what to do or how to handle this child.

I asked him how old he thought the child was acting and he replied an "infant" even though he is 12 yrs old.  I said then "treat him like an infant."  and he said he didn't know how.  So I suggested when we got home that evening to just open the door of the van for Brandon and pick him up and carry him upstairs for bed.  Very little words need to be spoken and "yes" the child needed to be held gently and talked to softly.

So hubby picked him up and carried Brandon to bed..ok the bathroom and reminded him to brush his teeth..  Brandon has a tendency to goof around and forget what he is doing and says he knows but doesn't know... proceeded to clean his teeth and go to the bathroom and got on HIS PJ's and got into bed quickly and without fuss.

The next morning I took Brandon to church for a function and then on the way home I had a small chat with him...  He says he laughs when his Dad talks to him because he doesn't want to get angry.  I told him that getting angry is an OK emotion as long as it is justified.  (another brotherly love story for later)..  Anyway as we talked and I asked him if he like that his father took him upstairs to bed.. he pause and thought about it.

He said "yes"  So Brandon "why did you enjoy Dad carrying to bed last night."  Brandon said "I don't know."  and so I waited and asked him again..  Brandon said "I liked it."  and I asked "why?" and my dear son said... "because it felt like Daddy cared about me."

So, who says "children are not aware"  I beg to differ, Brandon is away of the anxiety but he is causing frustration in the house.  So he just needs guidance on how to express his anxiety and how to communicate this to us.  Not an easy tasks since it will change daily but I think we achieve something today. 
 

Had a Great Titls

I had a great title and a super great story to tell.  I waited so long to post I have now forgotten it.  I know it had to do with some amazing things that have happen, however, now I am struggling.

Oh wait I remember, my son has a difficulty with dates and money and time.  His birthday was coming up and he looked at the calandar and was actually counting the days!!  He gets excitied after Christmas because his birhtday is in March and he can't wait. (yes there is a gap that he can't grasp)... However, it is a LONG wait.  So he struggles with this. 

This year he noticed on the calandar that in February the next month it becomes March :)  So in the middle of Feb. he went to the calandar and starting counting down the days to his birthday.  It didn't sound like the right amount of days but I was astonished that he figured out his birthday was not right away and that he had to count til his birthday.  Before he would know it was his birthday and he could not sleep for months til it came.  He could not process the time and days in between.  Is it because he is maturing?  So busy at school?  I am not really sure but I am happy he knows he has to wait and he is happy to count.

Anyway, as he counts one morning I look at the calandar and I have to tell him that the day he is counting to is only March 1st... his birthday is when??  and he answers.. the 15th..  He puts his head down and seems a bit upset but said rather quietly.. "ok I have (counts on his hands) another 15 days to go..  "  This is really a great step.  He did not bang his head or get angry at everyone in the room he had to stop and think... but handled it well.  I gave him a big hug and said it will come.... and he said that he knew this... 

These are the small steps that are amazing when you look at the past and his maturity.  Everything takes a lot of time and baby steps to get through each phase.  I am really impressed.

now the reason I forgot??? we are in spring break with little structure and travel and things get a bit topsy tervy... but that is for another post.

old web sites

I am about to put a new website under my favorites when I look at my list on current favorites.

I realized I had many websites for newly adopted parents when I was a newly adopted parent and some of them have continue to blog even after they get home etc.  I have some that they have quit posting but still have the blog up and then some that really don't exist.  Some of these are 10 year old favorites!!

And yet, I keep them there?  Why because it is my past.  My past when I struggled with my kids.  When I needed to find other parents like me that had smililar struggles and how they coped and how they did things and what really seem to work and what really didn't.

I learned a lot and I try to bring the good things into my house and then I fail and I pick up and try again.  It gets really hard to stay calm and re think but it can be done.  I realized I spend the first 4 years of my kids life looking at what others did to make things look so easy that I really didn't with my own.  I mean I was there for them and did things but I don't think I listen enoughed or understood a lot of where they are coming from.   Now I think I do as best as anyone can.

We are now heading into puberty.  AGH and I find that I can do this on my own.  I know it will be a big struggle and what people say how I handle and how I don't is their issue not my own.  There is no right or wrong way but a path you learn with your kids of what works and what doesn't.  So far love and trust go a very long way.  You want your kids to feel loved and that you trust them.  when the trust is broken, how to get it back on track.  You will repeat this process many times but somewhere there is a glimmer of understanding and respect that grows with each other.

I have a friend who is struggling with her kids.  I see it and I was with her.... yet she won't reach out and talk to people.  She is hiding inside and trying to cope and that is not going to work.  She is depressed.. so why don't I pull her out and talk to her?  Because she isn't ready to listen.  She won't hear what I ahve to say.  She will continue to cope until she is ready to learn and open up and see that she isn't alone.  I offered a tip the other day that made her open a bit... but time will tell.

So I keep my old post of others just in case they come back and update, I would love to know how many are doing.  It gets harder as your kids get older.  I am not the best to talk because I do post infrequently and someone pointed out I don't do a lot of photos either.  So I am going to try to post more and keep my journal as much as I can.  Maybe someday write a book.  Ha

Life with FASD

Everyday I try to stay positive about my child.  I love to cherish the fact that he is very innocent and really looks at the world differently.  Then reality hits and it gets hard.

You have to learn how to take care of yourself and how to manage your time.  They cant' (fasd)  but B can learn this it just takes a lot of time and patience.  A lot of time.  We would like that someday he can hold a job and live a life that makes him happy.  We are in the throws of trying to let him make or try to make the proper decisions on things.  Explaining that homework and house chores are necessary and that video games and TV is a bonus extra in life.  Spending a lot of time on school work with him to keep him up to speed with his class and now we are exhausted.  He can only learn what he can.  He can't learn it all quickly.  He has to have repetition repetition repetition all the time for everything.

So even if we see the progress which we do... how long will everything take.  It gets upsetting at times and frustrating.  For me it is the lack of time I can spend with another child.  I am not mad at my child just frustrated at how to work out the time.  If the children were at two different ages I think it would be easier.  But they are the same age and are at the same level except there are nights I let my one child stay up just a bit longer because he can be responsible.   However, he is the difficult child getting up in the am so that is not a great idea.

I hate to think I really have to have a child stay after school for some respite time but I am really heading there.  Hopefully this will help.  I also hope working with him daily on homework and responsibility we might be somewhere when he is 15.

I am just rambling so early morning thoughts... because I know things get better.

He no longers screams, bangs his head and throw his shoe across the room when trying to get it on.

He can fill out his agenda at school (most times) and get ready to go home.

He changes a completely wet bed when needed.

He can bath and clean up with small reminders.

He does know how help smaller kids make good choices.

I believe in him and need to help him believe in himself.






 

IEP MEeting

I wanted to write a lot of what has been happening as funny and exciting etc but I have been working a lot at the school and I can't find the time to sit down and type.

But I had a vry CONFUSING IEP meeting I had to post.  First off I must admit the school seems to have a great handle on Brandon and his abilities.  They believe he can move forward and learn with lots of reminders and guidances.  They understand his lack of common sense and consequences and that everything he hears is very black and white.  They see his maturity level and that he is trusting and believes in what kids say even when they are making things up.

Now what was confusing is we had a meeting scheduled for a Friday after school.  I have been working at this school as a sub for a class for a para that took a pregnancy leave.  I told the one on one that I had to work until 2:30 PM and that once the kids were on the bus I could make it so could we change the meeting time from 2:20 PM to 2:30??  Sure no problem.

I get the kids on the bus, and I get to the meeting that is already started with my husband and hubby is talking and they are nodding and then they go with the school psycologist about Brandon.  We are in agreement on his disabilities and struggles (YEAH) because last year they felt he was more capable than we did now we are on the same page.  Then the teacher talked briefly and then his one on one set his goals and asked us if we are ok with these.  This all took place in 20 minutes or so.  Feeling very rushed and not focused on this.....

then the VP stands up and says that do to Union rules the teacher must leave the meeting... HUH>>  the Union rules is going to dictate how much time I have to talk with the team about my child??  I only get to spend up til 3:00PM??  Why do I not know this?  Why am I feeling I have to have all this shoved into a time frame when I was told all along "no problem."  My husband gets really upsets and stands up after the VP and his teahcer leaves and says "my child furture is based of what "the union" has allowed?  What happened when the talk is "about the children" but yet we have to be on a time frame??  He was on the verge of tears... so the one on one runs out and gets the VP back into the room.  The VP apologizes and we sit down to discuss Brandon some more but I feel like I am wasting their time.

Why do I feel that?  I don't know, and I know I shouldn't feel this way but I am feeling rushed and overwhelmed and I can't get my thoughts together.  I thought I had an hour and I only was "allotted" a half hour.  The one on one is willing to sit with us and so is the psychologist but I feel like I am taking up thier time I don't feel comfortable anymore and I am sad and disappointed.  They talk of a rescedule and I am like for what???  You gave us the goals and I feel good about them but I can't think of anything because I am numb.  Now I sit and wonder what I should do about this.

On one hand, the school gets my kid, and on the other I felt very rushed and mistreated at this meeting.  But "fear" of making people pissed (lack of a better word) that they don't assist my child makes me want to bite my tongue.   I have to mull this over some more.