Great Mother's Day photos...

Brandon and Mom

Josh and Mom

something was funny

he was done with photos

The difference between FASD and attachment in the AM

As you know I blog a lot about Brandon and the FASD piece of our world.  It can be very exhausting at times and overwhelming and then things go well or there is a moment of calm that you don't really notice until after it passes because you don't see it.  It is not notice until after because something happens and then you are internally frustrated but then you STOP and go hey this was not like that the other day.... hmmm progress. 

This morning was one of those mornings.  I work Brandon up as usual which consist of a quick back rub and some silly song sang quietly and bring him his medicine and water and quick chat of our day.  So what is the difference with attachment and FASD??

Well here it is in my opinion... with attachment you spend a little longer on the touching and reassurance that they are loved and part of a wonderful family.  Then you may leave the room and as a 12 yr old, if attached (somewhat) they will proceed to get dressed and get ready for the day.  This is all mainly for a school day....

The FASD child?  You do all of the above, however you have to add... you need to get dressed, you need to put your (pull up in garbage) and dirty clothes in hamper , you need to turn on the radio AFTER you are dressed for school, you need to turn off your night light, and you must worry only about you getting ready, you need to be downstairs for breakfast by the time the clock reads 6:30.... also ou may not bother your brother, you are not to worry about him, you are not to go near his room, or stand in the hallway and look in and you cannot tell him what to do.  You will focus on and what you need to do. 

Then you have the child repeat this, and they do, and then you leave, only to come back with the radio on and their pj's still on or sitting naked on bed with a book... the meds for the day (for ADHD) are still on the headboard with the glass of water.... so then you stand there while they take the meds and you repeat the above.... please get dressed and being downstairs before 6:30..and you get the "I know Mom" and I smile and say well are you dressed?  Is your pull up put away?  Night light off?  and then I get "well Josh is not"... OH>> honey we do not worry about Josh, only you and what you need to do....

I leave so he can make decisions on his own to get ready.  There are days when he will get up and take his meds and get dressed and leave his brother alone and then there are days that if I am NOT standing on top of him, nothing gets done.   Then there are days I have to stay with him so he takes his meds and then he does ok. 

This is and has to be done everyday.... Daily, if I miss don't bother your brother, he is right there bothering his brother.... there is screaming and fighting and it will not stop until we are on our way to school... there is no way to bring the child back to reality.  He is off and into his own way of how things need to be done.  Luckily for now, he mainly does this with us.  However, what will happen in the future when he is with strangers and other people that is not his family that he is comfortable with..... how will he do?  I know I can;t worry about this and just be in the moment.  But you do.  It is hard to remove yourself from this.....

This is why there are days simple things can be exhausting.