I read a book recently in regards to raising an FAS child. The back of the book said to use humor and gave ideas on how to handle the many challenges/differences a parent has to deal with than raising a child without FAS. Unfortunately for me, the book just gave me situations the mother faced but not hot to DEAL with the situation or try to make it better. It just said "this would happen" and "this is how I felt." This does not help a parent trying to learn how to handle things better or differently because things stayed about the same. It made me realize I am not alone but I know that already.
The one thing it did mention over and over again was the power of prayer. Not the power to change the child's ways but the power to give the parent strength to help their child. To give the parent patience and understanding how the child is growing and trying to guide the child through difficult situations time and time again. That is what is true about a child with FAS, the swiss cheese brain. The child is so bright and for lack of a better word "normal/ or age appropriate," to being emotional a baby or toddler in the next. This can be difficult to parent because your patience will wear thin.
On the other hand, the nice thing about a child with a swiss cheese brain is they forget and forgive very easily. They will become friends with strangers and they will make friends with bad people. That in itself is very scary but with proper guidance and teaching hopefully they won't fall into traps and become victims. But only time will tell on that.
I have stopped to look at Brandon and try to be patient. It is difficult when I am tired or have alot on my plate. I think what I get frustrated with the most is when I can't have a "normal" life. I can't just pick up and run to the store to get an item, or realize I need to exchange because I bought the wrong thing. I have to plan and figure out when and how I can take the time to do these things. Then it gets added to the other things I have to do. You don't just run to the store or do a special task because you can't. It becomes very upsetting for a child with FAS.
Brandon hates the store (I know many kids hate the store) but do they hate it so much that they scream and kick the back of the chair in the car or make it so miserable for the rest of us that you can't just walk and look at things? He will fight with his brother, he makes things up in his head and he stays so angry at you because you won't buy him things or you take to long because you did pick up 6 things and you said 2 things that you are exhausted at the end of the trip of going to the store you have no energy for anything else. This doesn't happen as much as it used too but it still happens.
We live in an area that when I pick them up from school or go to an activity it is easier to go to the store, price of gas is not cheap. I sometimes have it in my head to go to the store to pick up a gallon of milk etc that I think he knows and he doesn't. I know that it is hard on him but I try to let him vent and then move on and soemtimes that will work.
Yesterday was one of those days. He had a dental appointment. I told him in the dental office that we had to make a trip to Walmart. He does NOT complain or get "very" frustrated when he is around other people, he saves all of this for just the family. Anyway he was a bit frustrated and stomp his foot and he must of looked like a child that is very spoiled and not one with brain damage. Anyway as we left he started talking really loud at me and saying "why do we have to go? can't you take me home? I want ot play on the WII? Unfortunately, right there, when that voice of impatients come and the anger, a lot is contributed to video playing. So to offset this frustration I said there would be no WII today. This made him angrier but at least that arguement was no longer.
I had my own personal melt down that morning. I cried and got sad that he needs to learn life does not go by playing video games and doing what he wants when he wants too. He thankfully gets it at times when we are this upset with trying to deal with his emotions. (we have them too) that he settled down and calmed down to "dealing" with the store. As we walked in (he had the list of the 10 items) there was a display of drinks on sale. (might add his favorite) I stopped and said, Brandon these are on sale and a good price, I am going to look at them is that ok? I got the glare but he quickly realized I would pick one up and possibly his choice that he helped. I then asked him was it so bad to shop when sometimes you can get things you like (not everytime) but if I stop and get to look at the specials... and on and on. He smiled but was still ready to get out of the store. I then wanted to stop at another spot and I told him to get the cans of cat food.
Now the type of cat food we get in the cans are the Friskies Tasty Treasures in turkey/cheese and fish type and a special pate. Now remind you, Brandon does not feed the cats unless you ask and when he does, he does not open the cans of cat food, he usually pulls the open one out from the fridge and puts it in a bowl. This gets done by him maybe twice a month let me tell you it is not that often. So I was amazed when he was gone so long and came back that he had EACH flavor in the cart and he had two each. I really thought he would either come back and aske me questions or grab whatever cans.
So yes he does pays attention to somethings or at that particular moment, he knew exactly what to do. I was amazed and told him that I was happy he knew which type of cat food he liked etc. He just look at me like why wouldn't I? Because tomorrow when I ask you to feed the cats you won't know where we keep the cans of wet food or how much to feed them.
Such the roller coaster but it really has its "highs" and lows with sharp turns....
