Christmas is over but not done. We are now celebrating with all the fun toys the boys received. This keeps our time at home quiet but only for a little bit. Brandon is starting to complain about going back to school and this is really hard. He makes comments that tug at my heart and as you go into this it doesn't seem that bad but I am not there to make that call. Something is happening that he can't wrap himself around to explain. So I will have to make time and just sit with him and find out what is happening when he can explain it better.
Right now he is so overwhelmed with toys and things to do. He can't handle days without purpose. Just to hang and play is lost on him. He needs a routine and direction. So I must make one for him today when he awakes. Right now he is still sleeping... he has a cold and it is affecting him. Which means he is learning how to let his guard down and relax and let mommy take over for him. This is nice, however he still gets quite upset over little things but I am ready to take on the day to help.
Josh has been building his lego's for days. He got the big police station and he is in heaven. I should take a picture and post. I am bad at this, taking photo's and posting them to make the story sound and look better....
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Update on Mom
Well it is good and bad news. The cancer is spreading which isn't good, but they are going to try a different chemo, (which will make her very tired) and hope the tumor will shrink. This is a fast acting chemo that if it doesn't do any good we shall know before the end of January. Apparently when my mom was doing good in late Spring they stop chemo to give her body a rest and more cancer came back faster. A risk you take but it didn't seem such a huge risk at that time.
On another note, my sister just got diagnosed with breast cancer. Crap. Good news is, it was caught early and is stage one and after treatment she will be fine. Lots of test to make sure it is located in one area and has not spread and proper treatment. She is doing great and has a wonderful attitude. This has helped my folks. It has even made my mom seem to perk up and do more so that she will be more available to her. Which is sad that such trauma got my mom going. However, it got her going and worrying about her daughter which I pray will help her.
If you are wondering, yes I get yearly mamograms and have for the past ten years. I do worry but I can't let it creep into my every thought.
On a better note, Josh woke me up this AM at 6:00 because he could not sleep because Santa is coming. He is so excited and nervous. Nervous? I guess anxious and can't wait until the 24th,..... the good part is he is willing to go to bed early so the next day will come. :)
On another note, my sister just got diagnosed with breast cancer. Crap. Good news is, it was caught early and is stage one and after treatment she will be fine. Lots of test to make sure it is located in one area and has not spread and proper treatment. She is doing great and has a wonderful attitude. This has helped my folks. It has even made my mom seem to perk up and do more so that she will be more available to her. Which is sad that such trauma got my mom going. However, it got her going and worrying about her daughter which I pray will help her.
If you are wondering, yes I get yearly mamograms and have for the past ten years. I do worry but I can't let it creep into my every thought.
On a better note, Josh woke me up this AM at 6:00 because he could not sleep because Santa is coming. He is so excited and nervous. Nervous? I guess anxious and can't wait until the 24th,..... the good part is he is willing to go to bed early so the next day will come. :)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Christmas is coming
Christmas is coming and the boys are getting excited. It really picks up the holiday cheer for me. My mom is not doing well and it is scary. Today she goes to the doctor and finds out what the test results are. Hopefully it isn't anything horrible becasue they said they would call about it so we can only wait and see. However, she is barely getting out of bed and moving. This is not a good sign. So I am hoping that if she gets news that there is no cancer she will start moving and feeling better. It is so hard to tell.
Meanwhile my boys are so excited for Christmas that they can't contain themselves. Brandon is bouncing off the walls and Josh is doing everything Christmas. It is funny to watch. A bit tiring at times but funny still. They can't go to sleep at night and they can't concetrate on homework and they can't think straight. At least I hope this will settle down as soon as Christmas is over. The sad reality is they really aren't getting what they request..... electronics is not what Santa thinks they need this year.
Meanwhile my boys are so excited for Christmas that they can't contain themselves. Brandon is bouncing off the walls and Josh is doing everything Christmas. It is funny to watch. A bit tiring at times but funny still. They can't go to sleep at night and they can't concetrate on homework and they can't think straight. At least I hope this will settle down as soon as Christmas is over. The sad reality is they really aren't getting what they request..... electronics is not what Santa thinks they need this year.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Daily Holiday Life
With Christmas approaching, we get pretty busy around here, like most folks. I look at blogs and I see kids dressed up so fancy and smiling faces it is hard to believe many have lots of struggles just to take the photos. but they do and the kids look wonderful.
We are struggling this Christmas but for other reasons. My mother's health is not well. She is in chronic pain from the radiation or arthritis or chemo in her hip. They don't know what is causing it. So last Thursday they took an X-ray to see what is happening. Luckily we have not recieved a call saying the cancer is back and spreading it will be something else since they don't meet with the doctor until Wed. Meanwhile Mom is taking lots of pain meds and living in la la land. Which is hard to watch your parent be so out of it or sleeping in a bed all day with her pj's on. My dad is getting more depressed and struggling to get the strength to carry on. I live an hour and half away and I cannot see them daily. But I am making an effort to go at least once a week. A very depressing time. The sad part is not knowing what is going to happen. so I would like to have the strength of my brother and believe this is just a painful time for her and things will get better. Chemo can do this... but this is our second round. So I wait and try to look for strength... and guess where I am finding it? In my son.
Yes, my difficult son that challenges me everyday. I see a healthy little guy with so much strength that he so unaware of what he has. He can get out of bed and dress and run and play. He can sit still and complete his homework, or a task of some type. My mother cannot get out of bed. How can this make me happy? Because when he can't get dress, because he won't, I simply remind him of what he is capable of and not get angry and he gets dress. He is getting ready in the morning pretty good. We still have struggles, but I have learn to time them and move on. He can do this at school and I hope he will learn at home.
A child with FAS looks at things differently. The other moring his choice was to get his shoes and coat on for school... and then play with his Santa. He chose to play with Santa. When we left he had his shoes and coat in hand and got into the van. As we pull out, we see the Christmas lights are on the Christmas Tree. Josh jumps out of the van to go and turn them off. Since we are now in the driveway the cold air comes rushing in..... Brandon's response to all this by screaming that Josh made him cold... UHM HOW does Josh make you cold? because he is sitting without his shoes and coat. But it is all Josh's fault because he open the door. I calmly remind him that if he had taken the choice of putting on shoes and coat before playing with Santa he would not be cold. This takes awhile for him to comprehend, because in his mind it is Josh's fault. Sadly it is not, but this is a fine line because I don't want Brandon to feel bad about himself or lower his self esteem, I want him to understand that he is smart and needs to learn how to make better choices. A very fine line.
We are struggling this Christmas but for other reasons. My mother's health is not well. She is in chronic pain from the radiation or arthritis or chemo in her hip. They don't know what is causing it. So last Thursday they took an X-ray to see what is happening. Luckily we have not recieved a call saying the cancer is back and spreading it will be something else since they don't meet with the doctor until Wed. Meanwhile Mom is taking lots of pain meds and living in la la land. Which is hard to watch your parent be so out of it or sleeping in a bed all day with her pj's on. My dad is getting more depressed and struggling to get the strength to carry on. I live an hour and half away and I cannot see them daily. But I am making an effort to go at least once a week. A very depressing time. The sad part is not knowing what is going to happen. so I would like to have the strength of my brother and believe this is just a painful time for her and things will get better. Chemo can do this... but this is our second round. So I wait and try to look for strength... and guess where I am finding it? In my son.
Yes, my difficult son that challenges me everyday. I see a healthy little guy with so much strength that he so unaware of what he has. He can get out of bed and dress and run and play. He can sit still and complete his homework, or a task of some type. My mother cannot get out of bed. How can this make me happy? Because when he can't get dress, because he won't, I simply remind him of what he is capable of and not get angry and he gets dress. He is getting ready in the morning pretty good. We still have struggles, but I have learn to time them and move on. He can do this at school and I hope he will learn at home.
A child with FAS looks at things differently. The other moring his choice was to get his shoes and coat on for school... and then play with his Santa. He chose to play with Santa. When we left he had his shoes and coat in hand and got into the van. As we pull out, we see the Christmas lights are on the Christmas Tree. Josh jumps out of the van to go and turn them off. Since we are now in the driveway the cold air comes rushing in..... Brandon's response to all this by screaming that Josh made him cold... UHM HOW does Josh make you cold? because he is sitting without his shoes and coat. But it is all Josh's fault because he open the door. I calmly remind him that if he had taken the choice of putting on shoes and coat before playing with Santa he would not be cold. This takes awhile for him to comprehend, because in his mind it is Josh's fault. Sadly it is not, but this is a fine line because I don't want Brandon to feel bad about himself or lower his self esteem, I want him to understand that he is smart and needs to learn how to make better choices. A very fine line.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Christmas is coming
OK not for anothe month but I am getting ready. I hate last minute shopping and the crowds, yet I love going out on black friday. Go figure.
This is also the time of year when we came home with our boys... it will be 10 years. I am very blessed and love to share the joyous news. However, my little boy does not, he is at the age it is no longer a big deal. I know I know from his perspective it is just a reminder for him there is a birth mother that left him and that really bothers him. This makes me sad. I wish he could really see how excited it makes me and happy we have become a family.
Even with difficult times, we are a family. My husband had to go off last saturday night with lots of his frustrations... and some were due to the fact the boys have changed from their sleeping room to their own rooms. The struggles we go through with the changes. But some of these difficulties are not showing because my kids have grown and changed. There are making wonderful progress that he doesn't see but yet he does.
Sometimes, you have to really STOP and see where you have been and where you are going. Brandon has made some wonderful strides lately and the main one is communicating to us some of his frustrations. We gave him some tools to use and I hope he does use them, appropriately. Time will tell.
This is also the time of year when we came home with our boys... it will be 10 years. I am very blessed and love to share the joyous news. However, my little boy does not, he is at the age it is no longer a big deal. I know I know from his perspective it is just a reminder for him there is a birth mother that left him and that really bothers him. This makes me sad. I wish he could really see how excited it makes me and happy we have become a family.
Even with difficult times, we are a family. My husband had to go off last saturday night with lots of his frustrations... and some were due to the fact the boys have changed from their sleeping room to their own rooms. The struggles we go through with the changes. But some of these difficulties are not showing because my kids have grown and changed. There are making wonderful progress that he doesn't see but yet he does.
Sometimes, you have to really STOP and see where you have been and where you are going. Brandon has made some wonderful strides lately and the main one is communicating to us some of his frustrations. We gave him some tools to use and I hope he does use them, appropriately. Time will tell.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
I am not a push over
somehow my dear spouse thinks I am a push over with the kids..... currently he is keeping them up to watch wrestling and let one child have a shake for dinner and the other a chocolate milk. I would of said milk or water for dinner, and watching wild wrestling before bed??
I have to have him watch two boys after school and do the homework, clean the house and make dinner before he can really tell me HOW I need to do it. He is a big a push over as me. Not as much but togther I think we make some pretty good ground rules.
For now I would like the kids to go to bed so they can get some reading and get up for church and activities tomorrow.
I have to have him watch two boys after school and do the homework, clean the house and make dinner before he can really tell me HOW I need to do it. He is a big a push over as me. Not as much but togther I think we make some pretty good ground rules.
For now I would like the kids to go to bed so they can get some reading and get up for church and activities tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
OK I have sent some emails to their teachers... and hmmmm Brandon's teacher's don't seem to have the time to reply. It is a bit frustrating since this is suppose to be my form of communication. It is not like I email and expect a reply the same day... but a week?
the famous line was said, my child is not the worst of their problems.... so I have to remind them, that he is my child and I have a responsibility to see that even though you don't see him acting out that he is deeply troubled and you are not helping him in thinking his focusing and dysregulation will get better without help??!?!
He is struggling internally. He is an emotionally 5 year old doing a 10 year old work load....it has many challenges.
the famous line was said, my child is not the worst of their problems.... so I have to remind them, that he is my child and I have a responsibility to see that even though you don't see him acting out that he is deeply troubled and you are not helping him in thinking his focusing and dysregulation will get better without help??!?!
He is struggling internally. He is an emotionally 5 year old doing a 10 year old work load....it has many challenges.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
I can't sleep
I can't sleep these days... why? becasue I have been working at my kids school as a Para in one of the rooms that happens to be in Brandon's hallway. It was and is a long term assignment. The second week I was working Brandon had a difficult night going to sleep and a LOT of stuff on his mind came pouring out. Needless to say, I stop a teacher or two and had some small chats. I apologized for coming in their rooms and I was told it was and it was ok, not to worry.
Well it really wasn't because I was called in by the vice principle and was told I was not to bother the teachers about my son while I was working. I had to write a note or email like I wasn't in the building. Could I do that or was this going to be a problem. Yes I could do it and no it would not be a problem. However, if you are a teacher and you have a persistant parent or one that does have concerns about their child and you don't like it set a meeting with the parent and make the guidelines. Don't run to the office like a child and complain. I don't know what upset me more, being called it and talked to like a child (that is the way our vp is with all) or the fact that a teacher would not say.. I would love to talk to you but lets make an appt because I have blah blah to do. Because Brandon is in middle school he has several teachers and a resource teachers.. and the ones I spoke with for a brief moment before school said I was not bothering them and it was ok to stop and ask anytime. Why say that when you don't mean it?
I do understand the need not to interupt a teacher and I can respect that. But show a parent that and not run to the office, I think if a teacher had said I will get back to you and then did that is fine, but when they don't it gets confusing. Sorry these thoughts are in my head.
I guess it is because when Brandon's mind is in the middle of something, now is when you deal with it. Talking about it later or bringing it back up, he might not be able too. He can't sometimes so I have to teach in the moment. Trying to get people to understand that can be really hard. There I think I feel better.
Well it really wasn't because I was called in by the vice principle and was told I was not to bother the teachers about my son while I was working. I had to write a note or email like I wasn't in the building. Could I do that or was this going to be a problem. Yes I could do it and no it would not be a problem. However, if you are a teacher and you have a persistant parent or one that does have concerns about their child and you don't like it set a meeting with the parent and make the guidelines. Don't run to the office like a child and complain. I don't know what upset me more, being called it and talked to like a child (that is the way our vp is with all) or the fact that a teacher would not say.. I would love to talk to you but lets make an appt because I have blah blah to do. Because Brandon is in middle school he has several teachers and a resource teachers.. and the ones I spoke with for a brief moment before school said I was not bothering them and it was ok to stop and ask anytime. Why say that when you don't mean it?
I do understand the need not to interupt a teacher and I can respect that. But show a parent that and not run to the office, I think if a teacher had said I will get back to you and then did that is fine, but when they don't it gets confusing. Sorry these thoughts are in my head.
I guess it is because when Brandon's mind is in the middle of something, now is when you deal with it. Talking about it later or bringing it back up, he might not be able too. He can't sometimes so I have to teach in the moment. Trying to get people to understand that can be really hard. There I think I feel better.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
needing attention in the worst way
OK so the boys are playing with a balloon and tossing it back and forth... not a big deal right? One has to throw himself on the floor over and over again... why? It makes a sound like a truck is coming through the living room. So I asked them to stop. They continue to play but one is no longer throwing himself on the floor.
It gets to the point no matter what one is doing it isn't right and the yelling and demanding starts... it gets to a point one runs into the bathroom and the other bangs his fist on the door. What do you do?
I have to pack for our trip, clean up the kitchen, wash some clothess.... I don't have time!! So I did what I have been doing for a month. I picked up one child and carried him to the stool in the middle of the kitchen. and set him down nicely... and take the other child by the hand and put him on our step stool in the doorway.. close where I can see them but where they can't see each other. Set the timer for 10 minutes (they are ten). I then start to clean the kitchen and I left for a moment to run upstairs to get some laundry.... heard yelling... set the timer back 2 more minutes. I then continued to clean the kitchen, straighten and some laundry while they were near by. No words just busy myself around them.
The timer goes off..... Me "why are you sitting"
Children "we are banging on the door and getting carried away"
Me "I am sorry your brother upsets you but you have to learn how to deal with him or anyone when they act this way getting aggressive is not a good choice" (this is because this child has biten his brother and has left a huge bruise on his shoulder)
child "I am trying to control my anger but it gets hard sometimes.. (but this is why he needs to practice frustration and learn how to deal with it appropriately)
the conversation goes on on how to do things without getting carried away and why they need reeled in sometimes because their choices become distorted and they make bad or incorrect choices. Why we are learning how to control ourselves etc etc...
So I ask them, do you want to sit all day because we can't make good choices? Or would you like to make good choices and help Mom get ready for our trip to the dells..... What would you like to do?
Help mom... one goes off to clean room, one is finally eating because he is hungry although he decides he is not hungry once food is put in front of him. So I tell him he must eat if he wants to make good choices and leaving food and not eating after stating he is hungry is not a good choice. So he eats his breakfast and goes to clean his room.
Now could all of this been avoided? Yes and no... I guess if I got them up and we discussed what needed to be done we might have started working together... however, I was not ready and I want my kids to be kids so I left them to play for a bit while I got organized and then would need their help. I think at some point maybe over something different they would test the limits no matter what is happening. This is what children do.... are you really there for us. well yes I am.
I think now after a few moments of silence and re grouping we are all ready.
One just finished his room and said he was going to clean the toilets.....
It gets to the point no matter what one is doing it isn't right and the yelling and demanding starts... it gets to a point one runs into the bathroom and the other bangs his fist on the door. What do you do?
I have to pack for our trip, clean up the kitchen, wash some clothess.... I don't have time!! So I did what I have been doing for a month. I picked up one child and carried him to the stool in the middle of the kitchen. and set him down nicely... and take the other child by the hand and put him on our step stool in the doorway.. close where I can see them but where they can't see each other. Set the timer for 10 minutes (they are ten). I then start to clean the kitchen and I left for a moment to run upstairs to get some laundry.... heard yelling... set the timer back 2 more minutes. I then continued to clean the kitchen, straighten and some laundry while they were near by. No words just busy myself around them.
The timer goes off..... Me "why are you sitting"
Children "we are banging on the door and getting carried away"
Me "I am sorry your brother upsets you but you have to learn how to deal with him or anyone when they act this way getting aggressive is not a good choice" (this is because this child has biten his brother and has left a huge bruise on his shoulder)
child "I am trying to control my anger but it gets hard sometimes.. (but this is why he needs to practice frustration and learn how to deal with it appropriately)
the conversation goes on on how to do things without getting carried away and why they need reeled in sometimes because their choices become distorted and they make bad or incorrect choices. Why we are learning how to control ourselves etc etc...
So I ask them, do you want to sit all day because we can't make good choices? Or would you like to make good choices and help Mom get ready for our trip to the dells..... What would you like to do?
Help mom... one goes off to clean room, one is finally eating because he is hungry although he decides he is not hungry once food is put in front of him. So I tell him he must eat if he wants to make good choices and leaving food and not eating after stating he is hungry is not a good choice. So he eats his breakfast and goes to clean his room.
Now could all of this been avoided? Yes and no... I guess if I got them up and we discussed what needed to be done we might have started working together... however, I was not ready and I want my kids to be kids so I left them to play for a bit while I got organized and then would need their help. I think at some point maybe over something different they would test the limits no matter what is happening. This is what children do.... are you really there for us. well yes I am.
I think now after a few moments of silence and re grouping we are all ready.
One just finished his room and said he was going to clean the toilets.....
Friday, October 7, 2011
Josh Josh and learning of life
I never really talk about Josh. Who is he? Just a little boy in my home with the biggest heart in the world. He worries too much about life and it makes me sad. He wants to fix things especially things that confuse him. He is very causious about things... doesn't like change and likes things to be constant. He is struggling right now with wanting to know many things about his birth family and just being in our family. He loves his family and he has spoken many times he does not care about the family that birth him. And yet he does. Luckily not all the time does he worry about this but now and again it creeps into his mind and he gets sad and confused. I tell him over and over again that it is ok to love them and it is ok to be mad at them. He can get mad at me, right? I am still here but his birth family is not.... however, they are.
I have an address of his birth grandparents that I write to yearly. Just an update and some information and now and again I get a reply. They know Josh is living in America but not exactly where. When I had an inspector find the birth families I offered to send updates if they wished. The grandparents would love it and I could send more than once a year if I wanted. It also turned out that his birth mom and birth sister live in the home as well. Josh knows he has a birth sister that is older but does not know I have written to them. When he is angry and upset with why his birth mom gave him up and not his sister.... I tell him to write about it. He has a good cry and I hold him and then he is done with the birth family talk. This makes me sad for I know I write to the family and I would love it if he would too only if he wanted too. Then I wonder if it would be too hard on him with his big heart. He is still young and very confused. I feel bad for the birth family because they know about Josh but Josh does not really know much about them. I only give Josh the information he wants to know when he wants it. I would love to tell him I have photos of the house his grandparents live (compliments of the inspector) and some of his sister and birth mom but he has little interest, so I can't force. I just hope he won't be super mad when he learns all this... but I basically started to find out more when the kids got older and started asking questions and I stumble upon an inspector in Ukraine who searched.
I knew there would be questions and as a parent I wanted to learn more. I got some great news for Josh but nothing for Brandon. Josh birth mom made the decision before he was born to give him up for she knew she could not take care of him with no money and no home. Plus she did have a child so a decision she made was to place him in an orphanage right away. I believe she was at peace with this decision and knew he would find a good home, plus I had learn she did not drink or do drugs during her pregnacy.
However, what we found out about Brandon is just the opposite. The inspector could not find his birth family just the apartment complex they lived in when he was born. It was a place as we in America would say is a "crack" house, filled with drunks and people that floated through life. We have really inspected his birth paperwork and documents and have come to realize that his parents rights to keep him where taken away and he was forced into an orphanage. His birth mom gave up the rights when he was 4-5 months old because she "couldn't take care" but we believe the government step in and took the child away. We also know that she did drink and do drugs while pregnant. What we don't know is really where was Brandon for those few months??? at a hospital because he was left behind? Or living in the crack house being neglected. We don't know but I know he was neglected either way. That is why he is the way he is ... a scared little boy who need constant reassurances.
The sad part of this is when I listen to my boys talk. Josh will tell Brandon that he is lucky because his birth parents didn't give him up right away because they wanted to spend time with him (what kind of life if they did bring him home which we don't know but you can't explain that to a child about the horrors he might of endured to a child just yet) ... Josh thinks that Brandon was lucky because he got time with his family and Josh feels his mom didn't even look at him or kiss him good bye, she just left him. I tell him that I believe she did and that it was a hard decision. Over time he will learn that this is quite common in the Ukraine..but for now just constant reassurances are needed for him too. Only time and understanding of the world as they get older will help them understand. For now, lots of hugs from Mom (a job I don't mind doing) :)
I have an address of his birth grandparents that I write to yearly. Just an update and some information and now and again I get a reply. They know Josh is living in America but not exactly where. When I had an inspector find the birth families I offered to send updates if they wished. The grandparents would love it and I could send more than once a year if I wanted. It also turned out that his birth mom and birth sister live in the home as well. Josh knows he has a birth sister that is older but does not know I have written to them. When he is angry and upset with why his birth mom gave him up and not his sister.... I tell him to write about it. He has a good cry and I hold him and then he is done with the birth family talk. This makes me sad for I know I write to the family and I would love it if he would too only if he wanted too. Then I wonder if it would be too hard on him with his big heart. He is still young and very confused. I feel bad for the birth family because they know about Josh but Josh does not really know much about them. I only give Josh the information he wants to know when he wants it. I would love to tell him I have photos of the house his grandparents live (compliments of the inspector) and some of his sister and birth mom but he has little interest, so I can't force. I just hope he won't be super mad when he learns all this... but I basically started to find out more when the kids got older and started asking questions and I stumble upon an inspector in Ukraine who searched.
I knew there would be questions and as a parent I wanted to learn more. I got some great news for Josh but nothing for Brandon. Josh birth mom made the decision before he was born to give him up for she knew she could not take care of him with no money and no home. Plus she did have a child so a decision she made was to place him in an orphanage right away. I believe she was at peace with this decision and knew he would find a good home, plus I had learn she did not drink or do drugs during her pregnacy.
However, what we found out about Brandon is just the opposite. The inspector could not find his birth family just the apartment complex they lived in when he was born. It was a place as we in America would say is a "crack" house, filled with drunks and people that floated through life. We have really inspected his birth paperwork and documents and have come to realize that his parents rights to keep him where taken away and he was forced into an orphanage. His birth mom gave up the rights when he was 4-5 months old because she "couldn't take care" but we believe the government step in and took the child away. We also know that she did drink and do drugs while pregnant. What we don't know is really where was Brandon for those few months??? at a hospital because he was left behind? Or living in the crack house being neglected. We don't know but I know he was neglected either way. That is why he is the way he is ... a scared little boy who need constant reassurances.
The sad part of this is when I listen to my boys talk. Josh will tell Brandon that he is lucky because his birth parents didn't give him up right away because they wanted to spend time with him (what kind of life if they did bring him home which we don't know but you can't explain that to a child about the horrors he might of endured to a child just yet) ... Josh thinks that Brandon was lucky because he got time with his family and Josh feels his mom didn't even look at him or kiss him good bye, she just left him. I tell him that I believe she did and that it was a hard decision. Over time he will learn that this is quite common in the Ukraine..but for now just constant reassurances are needed for him too. Only time and understanding of the world as they get older will help them understand. For now, lots of hugs from Mom (a job I don't mind doing) :)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
disrespect better but not gone
Since we have had our little one just sit with me the last few days.....or month, things are better but we still have a ways to go. If it is not swearing or being loud and yelling then it is something else completely... making noises like banging silverware at the table, making animal noises while others are trying to have a conversation. The list could go on... it can be very frustrating at times. but if we just calmly say we don't need to make the noises and remind him he is a 10 year old and not a two year old we get some compliance. Just a simply reminder his is a 10 year old and we are here for him we know that he is in the room etc... and that we want to have a conversation with another person (his brother, my spouse) but he will have his turn and that it is ok for him to let others converse.
Such simple things to get through a day for some reason he feels he has to alter it. Normal conversations frighten him, makes him uncomfortable which is really sad.. When talked too he can have a very normal conversation and be in the moment and even express his dissatisfaction in a correct tone or manner instead of screaming and yelling and throwing a two year tantrum. All it takes is practice practice and practice...
Times it is tiring and at times.. makes for a better day.
Such simple things to get through a day for some reason he feels he has to alter it. Normal conversations frighten him, makes him uncomfortable which is really sad.. When talked too he can have a very normal conversation and be in the moment and even express his dissatisfaction in a correct tone or manner instead of screaming and yelling and throwing a two year tantrum. All it takes is practice practice and practice...
Times it is tiring and at times.. makes for a better day.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Respect respect respect
I don't know what happens in the 5th grade... but something does. My son, Brandon has been coming home being very disrespectful.... very disrespectful. I didn't know what to do. Now I know going to a new school is tough and it gets hard... but coming home and yelling and swearing at me did not seem to be the answer.
How do you cope? It got so bad that the week before labor day we had a family meeting. It became aparent the only way to get the kids to understand was to be with us. AT ALL TIMES/ If they could not show us respect they had lost their freedom elsewhere. Josh got it immediately. He stop some of his yelling and tried to do the right thing most of the time. Brandon decided it was time to make it worse. Were we really serious with this. He is learning the hard way or is a good way.
I mean this is a good way to learn for him. He does not grasp some consequences, it is difficult. But basically the last few weeks have been having him sit by us when he is not at school, doing homework, or sleeping. Ok he does get to go to cross country too. He day is getting up and going to school and coming home and doing homework.. then he follows me around until Dad gets home and then he follows his dad. Three nights a week he has cross country so he is out running around and getting good exercise. He does minimal complaining about being by us... a few whines here and there during the weekend so he has been ok to be by us. However, he is still sitting. He has his outbursts everyday after school over something...on a daily basis.. a few times a day. He isn't getting this but I think he is testing how serious we are... to keep him close.
So we have come to realize he does not want out... he wants us near but he does not know how to communicate this. Brandon needs us now more than ever so he is acting out to get unwanted attention so he has to stay near. This is okay too. We can deal with this. he either is not getting it or he is and he is very afraid. So we keep him near. Now we are working on the swearing and finger gestures to keep them minimal. He is getting better. We had a good morning.. last night was good as well.
I see improvement but I don't see enough to set him free. I think when we talked about it being ok to stay with us all the time and learn how to be a family person, how to treat each other etc... he wants it but is still testing. The other night I had him write a sentence that I get a hug instead of anger... he took three tries to get it right.. not the best but I made him write the sentences nicely. The next day he wanted 20 or so hugs and kisses in the morning. So he got them. I am getting exhausted standing over him and trying to get him to see what he is doing but after a few good outcomes and nice moments I will have to press on. He asks now and again for the Wii and when we tell him he is not ready he is not really putting up a fight... he is accepting this.
It is hard to believe a week and a half ago I was crying my eyes out over his disruptions and how to cope with them. I feel more in control of the family and us.... I feel the relationship coming together in a positive way. Yet, I have not lost my focus on him regressing and going into the frustrations.. I am hoping they are spacing out.
How do you cope? It got so bad that the week before labor day we had a family meeting. It became aparent the only way to get the kids to understand was to be with us. AT ALL TIMES/ If they could not show us respect they had lost their freedom elsewhere. Josh got it immediately. He stop some of his yelling and tried to do the right thing most of the time. Brandon decided it was time to make it worse. Were we really serious with this. He is learning the hard way or is a good way.
I mean this is a good way to learn for him. He does not grasp some consequences, it is difficult. But basically the last few weeks have been having him sit by us when he is not at school, doing homework, or sleeping. Ok he does get to go to cross country too. He day is getting up and going to school and coming home and doing homework.. then he follows me around until Dad gets home and then he follows his dad. Three nights a week he has cross country so he is out running around and getting good exercise. He does minimal complaining about being by us... a few whines here and there during the weekend so he has been ok to be by us. However, he is still sitting. He has his outbursts everyday after school over something...on a daily basis.. a few times a day. He isn't getting this but I think he is testing how serious we are... to keep him close.
So we have come to realize he does not want out... he wants us near but he does not know how to communicate this. Brandon needs us now more than ever so he is acting out to get unwanted attention so he has to stay near. This is okay too. We can deal with this. he either is not getting it or he is and he is very afraid. So we keep him near. Now we are working on the swearing and finger gestures to keep them minimal. He is getting better. We had a good morning.. last night was good as well.
I see improvement but I don't see enough to set him free. I think when we talked about it being ok to stay with us all the time and learn how to be a family person, how to treat each other etc... he wants it but is still testing. The other night I had him write a sentence that I get a hug instead of anger... he took three tries to get it right.. not the best but I made him write the sentences nicely. The next day he wanted 20 or so hugs and kisses in the morning. So he got them. I am getting exhausted standing over him and trying to get him to see what he is doing but after a few good outcomes and nice moments I will have to press on. He asks now and again for the Wii and when we tell him he is not ready he is not really putting up a fight... he is accepting this.
It is hard to believe a week and a half ago I was crying my eyes out over his disruptions and how to cope with them. I feel more in control of the family and us.... I feel the relationship coming together in a positive way. Yet, I have not lost my focus on him regressing and going into the frustrations.. I am hoping they are spacing out.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
He is growing up
Sunday, August 28, 2011
School is in
We have started school and I think it is going well. Josh seems to like it but is having some social issues at recess. This is a bummer since he loves to be social. However, on the acedemics he likes it very much. But he still wants to go back to his old school next year. He wanted to move sooner but I told him thee was no space at his old school so he is ok with waiting until next year. Then if he still can't go to his old elementary the following year he plans on attending the Middle School. The Academy they are at right now will eventually go up to the 8th grade. Josh will be going to the BIG middle school.
Josh also received the notice for flag football so he is going to be doing this as well. He will still continue to do cross country on his days off so they can keep him on the roster until we know for sure. He likes to do the running and he is doing great at it. He started with only being able to do a 1/2 mile around and now he is up to a Mile and 1/4. which is great. So I hate for him to give it up and yet he really likes his football.
Brandon is doing well at school. However, there is one teacher that I am worried about. She has a way that I just sort of clash with. Maybe it is the way she says things or maybe I am too sensitive. I walked in the school the other day and her words to me were "Brandon missed his detention." What my Brandon had detention? Turns out it was for another teacher at recess that he missed the detention.... So why was she telling me this and not the actual teacher?. The teacher that gave him the detention showed me the sheet he needed to do and we talked to Brandon how important is was to get done and he smiled and said he would. We got it done right away.
This other Teacher_ Miss B (give her a name) always has assignments that look HUGE... but when you piece it out it is not that bad. However with a child that becomes so overwhelmed quickly... this is a task. She sent home a 12 page project and wrote Brandon needs to finish. I looked it over and I asked him if he did this in class. He said yes but it was too confusing for him. I think he is afraid to ask for help or does not know how to ask for help. It was a bunch of maps with different directions on each page. It really wasn't anything difficult but you could barely read some of the maps... so I pulled out ours and we used ours to answer. I have a feeling over time I will be clashing with this person. All his other teachers are on board. Time will tell.
Josh also received the notice for flag football so he is going to be doing this as well. He will still continue to do cross country on his days off so they can keep him on the roster until we know for sure. He likes to do the running and he is doing great at it. He started with only being able to do a 1/2 mile around and now he is up to a Mile and 1/4. which is great. So I hate for him to give it up and yet he really likes his football.
Brandon is doing well at school. However, there is one teacher that I am worried about. She has a way that I just sort of clash with. Maybe it is the way she says things or maybe I am too sensitive. I walked in the school the other day and her words to me were "Brandon missed his detention." What my Brandon had detention? Turns out it was for another teacher at recess that he missed the detention.... So why was she telling me this and not the actual teacher?. The teacher that gave him the detention showed me the sheet he needed to do and we talked to Brandon how important is was to get done and he smiled and said he would. We got it done right away.
This other Teacher_ Miss B (give her a name) always has assignments that look HUGE... but when you piece it out it is not that bad. However with a child that becomes so overwhelmed quickly... this is a task. She sent home a 12 page project and wrote Brandon needs to finish. I looked it over and I asked him if he did this in class. He said yes but it was too confusing for him. I think he is afraid to ask for help or does not know how to ask for help. It was a bunch of maps with different directions on each page. It really wasn't anything difficult but you could barely read some of the maps... so I pulled out ours and we used ours to answer. I have a feeling over time I will be clashing with this person. All his other teachers are on board. Time will tell.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Meeting with Teachers
I got to meet with Brandon's teachers. They all (but one) seem to be really considerate and trying to understand Brandon's disability. They don't get it, because he does fine in school or as a parent calls it.. holding it together. The meltdowns are for me!! Only me. I think they understood though that Brandon does seem to get a bit lost and confused and that constant consistant repitition is key. I think they will see it more as school wears on. They do see that he is unorganized or that he needs some prompting for task but overall not too out of place. They have more quirky kids at the school.
We shall see over time how this goes. I don't think I explain myself well enough. It is hard for me to express myself with 5 eyes upon me to talk to people. I am not explaining myself here.
I just got off the phone from the kids old elementary school and yes I am going to noon aide over there tomorrow for the first day of school. This should be interesting without my kids there. We did go by the school the other day and well it made Josh cry. He misses some of the friends he had there. I think part of that was he had an issue or problem with one of the kids at his new school and it made things hard on him. It all takes lots of time to figure out. I give it another month and we shall see where we stand at the new school.
We shall see over time how this goes. I don't think I explain myself well enough. It is hard for me to express myself with 5 eyes upon me to talk to people. I am not explaining myself here.
I just got off the phone from the kids old elementary school and yes I am going to noon aide over there tomorrow for the first day of school. This should be interesting without my kids there. We did go by the school the other day and well it made Josh cry. He misses some of the friends he had there. I think part of that was he had an issue or problem with one of the kids at his new school and it made things hard on him. It all takes lots of time to figure out. I give it another month and we shall see where we stand at the new school.
Monday, August 15, 2011
We started school!!
We have had two weeks of school. However, only 3 days in each week. So this week we are going all week. Brandon is having a difficult time with it. His emotional stge is really beginning to show. He is struglling with the other new students but seems to be doing ok with the teachers. This is great. Time to adjust to everything new and see where we go. He likes his new technology class and that is cool, one of the main reasons we are going to this school. I have a meeting today after school with all of his teachers and I hope I feel like I accomplish something. Will post later.
Joshua is loving his new school. I think he really enjoys new challenges. He likes his teacher and he is enjoying the new routine and making his mark. I think he will like it and he even talks about next year!! YEAH
Joshua is loving his new school. I think he really enjoys new challenges. He likes his teacher and he is enjoying the new routine and making his mark. I think he will like it and he even talks about next year!! YEAH
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
School is starting
Summer is coming to an end for us. We start school next week on Wednesday. It is a new school for the boys. It is called a magnet school but how correct that is will be seen. I want my kids to go there for different reasons than the acedemics. Granted, the extra time in math and science is great and I think will benefit my kids however that is not all. We have to wear a uniform.
When I first told Josh about the uniform he was excitied. He said "great, then the kids won't make fun of my clothes." REally? kids have been making fun of your clothes? I guess certain T shirts, football teams kids will make their comments known.
Trying to explain to Josh and Brandon to ignore this gets to be difficult. How much do kids have to ignore other kids that are disruptive and have to put other kids down to feel liked. One of the more well liked girls in Josh's class last year would make him feel bad. She just had to say your smile was wrong or his breathe smelled and the kids would ignore him etc. Where as last year, before this girl came he was welled liked. He had lots of friends in class and now not as much. Why did this little girl who is completely adorable and nice and sweet (what I have seen) have to put down other kids? Is she that insecure in herself... it makes you wonder if her parents either put her on a pedasil or make her feel worthless to have this girl make other kids feel bad. She put down a lot of the kids in class than my Josh. So I am happy with the uniform to make this a consistent with all kids... takes off the compitition.
Anyway, the new school is going to be all year school, but have as many school days as the rest of the district. So that means we will have some time off in Oct. and more in Nov. and extra holiday time etc. I am happy for this. We like to travel and go places and these are good times to go cheaper. So that was my first thought. OK so it wasn't academic but my kids need breaks from school. There are so many days in a row kids can go to school and deal with other kids insecurities. My kids need the break to re group and feel special and know that these kids they deal with have the problems. I am hoping with the uniform, a new school with "supposedly" good teachers are hired and told to keep it exciting and the local superindentent is having his kids go there will make a difference. They were hired and told to make the day exciting for the kids and want them to come back. We shall see.
When I first told Josh about the uniform he was excitied. He said "great, then the kids won't make fun of my clothes." REally? kids have been making fun of your clothes? I guess certain T shirts, football teams kids will make their comments known.
Trying to explain to Josh and Brandon to ignore this gets to be difficult. How much do kids have to ignore other kids that are disruptive and have to put other kids down to feel liked. One of the more well liked girls in Josh's class last year would make him feel bad. She just had to say your smile was wrong or his breathe smelled and the kids would ignore him etc. Where as last year, before this girl came he was welled liked. He had lots of friends in class and now not as much. Why did this little girl who is completely adorable and nice and sweet (what I have seen) have to put down other kids? Is she that insecure in herself... it makes you wonder if her parents either put her on a pedasil or make her feel worthless to have this girl make other kids feel bad. She put down a lot of the kids in class than my Josh. So I am happy with the uniform to make this a consistent with all kids... takes off the compitition.
Anyway, the new school is going to be all year school, but have as many school days as the rest of the district. So that means we will have some time off in Oct. and more in Nov. and extra holiday time etc. I am happy for this. We like to travel and go places and these are good times to go cheaper. So that was my first thought. OK so it wasn't academic but my kids need breaks from school. There are so many days in a row kids can go to school and deal with other kids insecurities. My kids need the break to re group and feel special and know that these kids they deal with have the problems. I am hoping with the uniform, a new school with "supposedly" good teachers are hired and told to keep it exciting and the local superindentent is having his kids go there will make a difference. They were hired and told to make the day exciting for the kids and want them to come back. We shall see.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Josh's Birthday
Good news... we got to celebrate Joshua birthday with minimal fuss from his brother. Last year it was miserable... Brandon could not understand why his brother got things and he didn't, even though he did.
So this year I had Brandon involved in everything for his brother (except presents) and he did really good, quite remarkable. He did have a small melt down once he saw all the gifts but it was short lived. I showed him some photos of his birthday and I showed him how many he got and what he had for his birthday and then he was able to enjoy his brother's a bit. It was such a great moment to spend with both the boys. Josh really loved the one gift I threw togther today because I was in a rush... wrestling cards with some money. His big present I don't think he quite got it. We are going to see the WWE wrestling LIVE in Rockford and he is sitting 5 rows back from the center ring... I don't think he got how good the seats were but as he tells his friends he is more excited. The seats cost a good chunk of change but as Don said, this is a once in a lifetime deal so we thought what the heck. This should be interesting. Both boys will be flying after the show..
I think having Brandon makes suggestions and getting involved was the best idea yet, also I think he is maturing in some ways and the Benadryl (see below)
I think having Brandon makes suggestions and getting involved was the best idea yet, also I think he is maturing in some ways and the Benadryl (see below)
Benadryl?!?!
I have notice that since we have given Brandon Benadryl at night he seems to do better in the day. Is he finally getting enough sleep? Is it just being home for the summer? I took him off the Benadryl for a few nights because I didn't want him to be on it so much that when we started school he would not be able to use it but it made a difference. When I took him off, he got more upset easier and quick to get a nasty temper over everything. Almost aggressive but not physical but his voice and all gets loud and he wants to argue everything. So last night I gave him the benadryl and as of the am he is still sleeping.
We started Focalin at a small dose and he is eating and it seems to work. At least without big crashes but once school starts I think we may need more meds. We shall see. I don't have him study or have to concetrate much more than playing and swiming so don't really know if the meds are helping with staying focused.. I mean it is but is it enough? I notice he is not as grabby but if it something he is interested in... well then he becomes my two year old which is something we are working on.
We started Focalin at a small dose and he is eating and it seems to work. At least without big crashes but once school starts I think we may need more meds. We shall see. I don't have him study or have to concetrate much more than playing and swiming so don't really know if the meds are helping with staying focused.. I mean it is but is it enough? I notice he is not as grabby but if it something he is interested in... well then he becomes my two year old which is something we are working on.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
which way?
It has been a very busy summer and I can't tell you what we have done. a lot but nothing specific. The other day I quit giving Brandon's his ADHD meds. He said they didn't work. He was exhausted from camp and so I thought why not?
Then it happen.. he grabbed at everything and hitting things for sound and jumping all around and getting wild up over little things. But he was calmer about it... had to be re directed a bit but calm.. not angry but mellow er if that is a word. So then we got to the point he was so grabby and so in your way that I thought let me medicate him so we can get on without 3,000 re directs (ok a bit exacterated). He was great with his brother but they both had 12 hours of sleep. Then it happen... a moment that turn the whole day ugly. Why we can't get past this... I will never know. a small incident but enough for Brandon do think the worst in everything after that.. His focus althoug much better, was self absorb.. He was focused but ony worried about himself not the others around him and yet yesterday he was good with this.
So which do I want? An angry person over one thing because it stays in his mind or a mellow boy who you have to stay on top of and re direct.. redirect.... redirect... redirect...
Then it happen.. he grabbed at everything and hitting things for sound and jumping all around and getting wild up over little things. But he was calmer about it... had to be re directed a bit but calm.. not angry but mellow er if that is a word. So then we got to the point he was so grabby and so in your way that I thought let me medicate him so we can get on without 3,000 re directs (ok a bit exacterated). He was great with his brother but they both had 12 hours of sleep. Then it happen... a moment that turn the whole day ugly. Why we can't get past this... I will never know. a small incident but enough for Brandon do think the worst in everything after that.. His focus althoug much better, was self absorb.. He was focused but ony worried about himself not the others around him and yet yesterday he was good with this.
So which do I want? An angry person over one thing because it stays in his mind or a mellow boy who you have to stay on top of and re direct.. redirect.... redirect... redirect...
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
fire flys
We are starting to get into the dail grind of summer. However I can't seem to get into a real routine. Things just pop up and then the day is over. What I really want to do is catch fire flys with my guys. I see them when the sun goes down and want to run outside with the boys and catch them and release them. However, I worry will this wild up Brandon so much he won't sleep> Do I not worry until it is done? Will he keep everyone else awake because he can't sleep? Thes unknow make me stop and think about this. I have to not worry and just have some fun. The boys deserve it. I deserve it. so I will let you know.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Camp Anikijig
One is off to camp. Brandon went to a mini camp in Wisconsin. He should be able to ride a horse and do some archery. If it stops raining. It is only in the 60's up north and they have to take a swim test. Ouch he hates the cold and it will be a big challenge for him.
Another challenge will be the shoes he wears. He struggles with putting on his high tops most times but wanted to bring them or should I say had to bring them with all of his choices. It can be exhausting ... I try to let him pick his pair of shoes but he struggles to get them on (wont losen them enough) and when he ties them... the laces have to match exactly- never mind that he always pulls from one side of his shoe laces to tighten, they still have to match... Explaining this has become mute but I try too. I don't know why so we will have to practice for school.
Josh has been home being a big video geek. A bit too much that I have to put a lid on this today. There is fun and then you can have fun running around outside. So we will have to make some adjustments to this. THis is suppose to be my time with my son... only he wants to play with his friend and have a friend over all the time. Which is what a normal 4th grader would do I know but I feel left out and that is ok. He will just hang with me eventually. I hope. We still have more time. Brandon calls tonight to see if he wants to stay or not. It will be interesting. If he stays, then Josh and I have 3 more days to hang and do things together. What we will do I don't know, we have seen a movie with his friend ...
Another challenge will be the shoes he wears. He struggles with putting on his high tops most times but wanted to bring them or should I say had to bring them with all of his choices. It can be exhausting ... I try to let him pick his pair of shoes but he struggles to get them on (wont losen them enough) and when he ties them... the laces have to match exactly- never mind that he always pulls from one side of his shoe laces to tighten, they still have to match... Explaining this has become mute but I try too. I don't know why so we will have to practice for school.
Josh has been home being a big video geek. A bit too much that I have to put a lid on this today. There is fun and then you can have fun running around outside. So we will have to make some adjustments to this. THis is suppose to be my time with my son... only he wants to play with his friend and have a friend over all the time. Which is what a normal 4th grader would do I know but I feel left out and that is ok. He will just hang with me eventually. I hope. We still have more time. Brandon calls tonight to see if he wants to stay or not. It will be interesting. If he stays, then Josh and I have 3 more days to hang and do things together. What we will do I don't know, we have seen a movie with his friend ...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Our Trip
It seems it was a bit overwhelming for Brandon on our trip. I know the mornings are hard because he can't figure out what the day will be like. It really isn't mapped in stone, however once we get going he does great. However, his eating schedule was a bit goofed up and so when we were all starving he was not hungry. It is so hard to get him to eat when he is like that, and snacks can only help a little bit.
So we had a few moments of discomfort. Brandon is still trying to have his temper tantrums like a two year old even though he is 10. He struggles with this and we struggle with this. Huge emotions for little things become exhausting for us. It is not ok to disrupt everyone when you are upset. You may be upset but making everyone miserable is not good. Disrespect has become his way of dealing and we need to teach him how to be upset but not get everyone upset. It is ok to be angry or upset but making it a huge emotion and being disrespectful is not. He is trying but he keeps forgetting. I read in another blog how they have manage to get their child to start regulating herself. Brandon does not, and some days I feel he can't and some days I feel he won't try. But I know he is trying, he can't remember what to do so we have to practice. We have to go through routines to help him. Make him stop and just sit by us and breathe. He is getting better but we have a long road to go. The sad part is as you work on this you have in the back of your mind, what will happen later how bad is this going to get etc.... and you can't you have to stay in the moment and work through this because it is my fear of the future not his.
Last night Brandon had his first track practice, what I saw of it he did great. However, coming into the car he was mad and upset and kicking stones and tried to kick me. I stopped and said until he was calm we would not drive home. I know he was upset but I was not going to get into the van until he could be calm for me and his brother. He got in the van after settling down and proceeded to tell me how awful everything was. Now I think he enjoyed parts of it HOWEVER, there was a boy there that was very disrespectful to Brandon. Apparently he spit on him and hit him with a baton. Now I don't doubt these things happen, but I know from watching Brandon he was laughing and joking with this boy along with running by him at one time and going hahahaha to his face. So Brandon was not respectful to this boy. So now Brandon does not want to go. But this is a good learning tool for him. If he can remember, he needs to stay away from this boy and tell the coaches not to put them side by side on the track. I will also talked to the coaches and let them know all that happen yesterday to make them aware of this child. Let them know Brandon is learning the proper social things to do with kids that upset him, right now he looks like he is having fun with them when he is not.
I feel this is a good practice for him to work on learning to deal with these types of kids... there are 40 other kids and they are fine so Brandon found the one. Or did this child find Brandon. I don't know. He is starting school in the fall and he is worried about this happening, so while I can be there and the only thing they need to teach is running (not school) we can work on the social part. Or so I hope!!
So we had a few moments of discomfort. Brandon is still trying to have his temper tantrums like a two year old even though he is 10. He struggles with this and we struggle with this. Huge emotions for little things become exhausting for us. It is not ok to disrupt everyone when you are upset. You may be upset but making everyone miserable is not good. Disrespect has become his way of dealing and we need to teach him how to be upset but not get everyone upset. It is ok to be angry or upset but making it a huge emotion and being disrespectful is not. He is trying but he keeps forgetting. I read in another blog how they have manage to get their child to start regulating herself. Brandon does not, and some days I feel he can't and some days I feel he won't try. But I know he is trying, he can't remember what to do so we have to practice. We have to go through routines to help him. Make him stop and just sit by us and breathe. He is getting better but we have a long road to go. The sad part is as you work on this you have in the back of your mind, what will happen later how bad is this going to get etc.... and you can't you have to stay in the moment and work through this because it is my fear of the future not his.
Last night Brandon had his first track practice, what I saw of it he did great. However, coming into the car he was mad and upset and kicking stones and tried to kick me. I stopped and said until he was calm we would not drive home. I know he was upset but I was not going to get into the van until he could be calm for me and his brother. He got in the van after settling down and proceeded to tell me how awful everything was. Now I think he enjoyed parts of it HOWEVER, there was a boy there that was very disrespectful to Brandon. Apparently he spit on him and hit him with a baton. Now I don't doubt these things happen, but I know from watching Brandon he was laughing and joking with this boy along with running by him at one time and going hahahaha to his face. So Brandon was not respectful to this boy. So now Brandon does not want to go. But this is a good learning tool for him. If he can remember, he needs to stay away from this boy and tell the coaches not to put them side by side on the track. I will also talked to the coaches and let them know all that happen yesterday to make them aware of this child. Let them know Brandon is learning the proper social things to do with kids that upset him, right now he looks like he is having fun with them when he is not.
I feel this is a good practice for him to work on learning to deal with these types of kids... there are 40 other kids and they are fine so Brandon found the one. Or did this child find Brandon. I don't know. He is starting school in the fall and he is worried about this happening, so while I can be there and the only thing they need to teach is running (not school) we can work on the social part. Or so I hope!!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
going on a trip hope it helps
Brandon has been so dysregulated lately. Screaming and yelling and giving us lots of disrespect It has become exhausting. A few nights ago Don had it out with him in a loving manner.. talked about how smart he was and how much love he has but the disrespect had to stop. We came to the realization that he is emotional at 5 and is trying to set his boundaries and see what type of control he can have etc... a testing thing to us. Also he is going to a new school in a few months and that is freaking him out.. had that talk with DOn. Now Don made a comment many moons ago about going to a new school and how it was not fun and scarey.. but he never elaborated. Oops put in some strange thoughts with this child.
Both boys are nervous for going to the new school but once we get into the routine etc they will enjoy or so I hope. Anyway, after this long discussion and being held by Don for an hour or so the next day Brandon did much much better. So now we are heading to Springfield for a family vacation and I hope this continues. Now with the family vacation, Brandon does much better because we are all together and all doing the same thing and having fun for most of the time. He relaxes and can stay with us and not get too many triggers to set him off to dysregulate. We have a ball at Disney and Dells, without much trouble.. it happens with minimal food or drink or sleep... hopefully we will not have too many triggers to set him off. We shall see and I will let you know.
Both boys are nervous for going to the new school but once we get into the routine etc they will enjoy or so I hope. Anyway, after this long discussion and being held by Don for an hour or so the next day Brandon did much much better. So now we are heading to Springfield for a family vacation and I hope this continues. Now with the family vacation, Brandon does much better because we are all together and all doing the same thing and having fun for most of the time. He relaxes and can stay with us and not get too many triggers to set him off to dysregulate. We have a ball at Disney and Dells, without much trouble.. it happens with minimal food or drink or sleep... hopefully we will not have too many triggers to set him off. We shall see and I will let you know.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Is this Progress?
How do you define progress? In my world it is weird wonderful things. I was talking with my mother in law this morning about Brandon and how he was wigging out because it was the last day of school. One thing he was not doing was getting his shoes on. I asked him to get his shoes on and he didn't. He played with the cat and I reminded him again and again. Then I got frustrated and walked away. Now I know he is regressing and I should just put his shoes on for him durnig this difficult time. But I am thinking this is not new. He had to put on his shoes all school year. It is a daily function he needs to learn. It is not a new thing today, it is something he needs to do everyday regardless of what is happening around him.
So I walked away and came to grips that he might not make the bus, he will be late to school and he might not wear shoes today. Not the senerio I want but I have to let it be. So I come out of my bathroom to go downstairs, and Brandon walks into the hallway and shows me his hands. They are wet. He informs me he has washed his hands. Yes, this was something I had asked him to do when I asked him to put on his shoes... so he has one task completed. I say thank you I really appreciate that and I apologize for getting upset that he didn't put his shoes on. Then I walked down the stairs. Brandon stops and puts on one shoe and follows me. (he has one shoe on not tied but on). He tells me as he walks down the stairs that he is going to miss his friends when school gets out. So I tell him that that this would make me more determined to get my shoes on so I could get to the last day of school and see my friend. As I look back at him, he has sat down at the bottom stair to put on his other shoe.
I keep walking to talk to Josh about getting ready to go. Brandon comes into the kitchen and his shoes are on but not tied. I ask if he is going to tie his shoes. He does not reply but starts struggling to put on his rain poncho. I do not comment and continue on with my tasks. Brandon after playing around with his poncho comes over to me and asked me quite nicely to tie his shoes. I told him very nicely that I would love to tie them for him but I had to ask him many times to put on his shoes that I can no longer help him. As we continue to get ready Brandon is hiding under his rain poncho and talking about things that upset/scare him. I walk around and finish things up and support him and talked to him about the last day of school and how hard it is for everyone. That is is sad but he will see his friends over the summer.
As I get ready to go to the van Brandon stands up and I notice his shoes are tied. He had been tying them under his rain poncho as he talked to me. I thank him again and I give him a big kiss and I get a great big smile from him.
Now I had to stop when I was telling my mother in law this story because in the Fall putting on shoes for Brandon was a very difficult thing. He would scream in frustration and anger and he would throw his shoe across the room. He would bang his head out of frustration because they would not go on right or the tie was not straight enough.... he would get so upset he would hit his brother. After the holidays I got him to get his shoes on but he would scream very disrespectfully to me to tie them or help him. It took to Spring to get him to put them on and if he needed help to aske me nicely/respectfully so I would help him.
Now we come to a place where even though it took some prompting he got his shoes on but at his pace. It may of taken us over 20 minutes to get the shoes on but there was no fit throwing, no head banging.
To me this is progress, he got his shoes and tied. It took 20 minutes and he did it in an order that I don't understand but one where he is in control and he can do it. I am ok with this. This is something I feel he has to learn how to do no matter what is happening around him. It is a basic skill that needs to be done daily. I think he has learned it. He just needs some time to complete this task and I have to learn to let it be how he can complete it. We made some progress.
So I walked away and came to grips that he might not make the bus, he will be late to school and he might not wear shoes today. Not the senerio I want but I have to let it be. So I come out of my bathroom to go downstairs, and Brandon walks into the hallway and shows me his hands. They are wet. He informs me he has washed his hands. Yes, this was something I had asked him to do when I asked him to put on his shoes... so he has one task completed. I say thank you I really appreciate that and I apologize for getting upset that he didn't put his shoes on. Then I walked down the stairs. Brandon stops and puts on one shoe and follows me. (he has one shoe on not tied but on). He tells me as he walks down the stairs that he is going to miss his friends when school gets out. So I tell him that that this would make me more determined to get my shoes on so I could get to the last day of school and see my friend. As I look back at him, he has sat down at the bottom stair to put on his other shoe.
I keep walking to talk to Josh about getting ready to go. Brandon comes into the kitchen and his shoes are on but not tied. I ask if he is going to tie his shoes. He does not reply but starts struggling to put on his rain poncho. I do not comment and continue on with my tasks. Brandon after playing around with his poncho comes over to me and asked me quite nicely to tie his shoes. I told him very nicely that I would love to tie them for him but I had to ask him many times to put on his shoes that I can no longer help him. As we continue to get ready Brandon is hiding under his rain poncho and talking about things that upset/scare him. I walk around and finish things up and support him and talked to him about the last day of school and how hard it is for everyone. That is is sad but he will see his friends over the summer.
As I get ready to go to the van Brandon stands up and I notice his shoes are tied. He had been tying them under his rain poncho as he talked to me. I thank him again and I give him a big kiss and I get a great big smile from him.
Now I had to stop when I was telling my mother in law this story because in the Fall putting on shoes for Brandon was a very difficult thing. He would scream in frustration and anger and he would throw his shoe across the room. He would bang his head out of frustration because they would not go on right or the tie was not straight enough.... he would get so upset he would hit his brother. After the holidays I got him to get his shoes on but he would scream very disrespectfully to me to tie them or help him. It took to Spring to get him to put them on and if he needed help to aske me nicely/respectfully so I would help him.
Now we come to a place where even though it took some prompting he got his shoes on but at his pace. It may of taken us over 20 minutes to get the shoes on but there was no fit throwing, no head banging.
To me this is progress, he got his shoes and tied. It took 20 minutes and he did it in an order that I don't understand but one where he is in control and he can do it. I am ok with this. This is something I feel he has to learn how to do no matter what is happening around him. It is a basic skill that needs to be done daily. I think he has learned it. He just needs some time to complete this task and I have to learn to let it be how he can complete it. We made some progress.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Happy's Mother's Day to Me
I awoke to a child that was dressed and ready for church because he wanted to watch the movie he had recorded and he gave me my Mother's day present. It was a note that said I was a great Mom because I got him from Ukraine and if I didn't get him he wouldn't have an excellent life. The other part said that the favorite part of his day is when we hug each other cause it makes him feel safe.. aahh
The other child thanked me for doing what I do every day and care for him when he is sick. (which by the way he is never sick.) With the I love you.
My hubbie said " what's for dinner?" W-H-A-T?? Outside of the boys wanting to play with friend than be with their mother on mother's day... I was a bit upset. I felt like I was still trying to keep things going without any effort from anyone. Some things need to get done but come on... can you at least plan on a meal? I could not believe it and my hubby felt I should be angrier at the kids... and I was like what message are YOU showing them. I also cried my eyes out and had the poor me cry. Some of that is because I can't just pick up and go because I want to. I have a child that needs more directing and can't sometimes put into place a "spur of the moment" type thing. It would make him miserable and he would make us miserable so you learn to pick which way you want to go.. So I cried because I didn't have a normal child and I cried because it is NOT that child's fault for the way he is on some things. He has to learn things.
The other day he was in a disagreement with another boy. I found out through his brother that he had provoke the boy by talking back. The next night when Brandon was up for a snack because he could not sleep I talked to him about it. Brandon was telling me a story about a boy who did a nah nah to him and how it upset him... my perfect time and I said, the other day you did the nah nah to another boy and he did not like either. and Brandon replied Oh no mom I did not say nah nah to him .. I said ha ha.
He really can't grip that it means the same thing and yet that isn't the point. So I do have to explain that saying things sometimes can have many meanings and you HAVE to be aware of what you saying to not upset people... it went over his head at this time.
The other child thanked me for doing what I do every day and care for him when he is sick. (which by the way he is never sick.) With the I love you.
My hubbie said " what's for dinner?" W-H-A-T?? Outside of the boys wanting to play with friend than be with their mother on mother's day... I was a bit upset. I felt like I was still trying to keep things going without any effort from anyone. Some things need to get done but come on... can you at least plan on a meal? I could not believe it and my hubby felt I should be angrier at the kids... and I was like what message are YOU showing them. I also cried my eyes out and had the poor me cry. Some of that is because I can't just pick up and go because I want to. I have a child that needs more directing and can't sometimes put into place a "spur of the moment" type thing. It would make him miserable and he would make us miserable so you learn to pick which way you want to go.. So I cried because I didn't have a normal child and I cried because it is NOT that child's fault for the way he is on some things. He has to learn things.
The other day he was in a disagreement with another boy. I found out through his brother that he had provoke the boy by talking back. The next night when Brandon was up for a snack because he could not sleep I talked to him about it. Brandon was telling me a story about a boy who did a nah nah to him and how it upset him... my perfect time and I said, the other day you did the nah nah to another boy and he did not like either. and Brandon replied Oh no mom I did not say nah nah to him .. I said ha ha.
He really can't grip that it means the same thing and yet that isn't the point. So I do have to explain that saying things sometimes can have many meanings and you HAVE to be aware of what you saying to not upset people... it went over his head at this time.
Wow That Simple
I have two boys sound asleep by 8:00 PM. One was up all weekend because he want to get up and play the Wii or watch a movie.... the other unfortunately I gave him some Claritin non drowsey and lets just say that at 10:00 pm it was still non drowsey.
I hope tomorrow is a great day.
I hope tomorrow is a great day.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Disrespect and learning frustration
Lately my boys especially one of them think that being disrespectful is ok. No it is not. My problem I am facing these days is how to deal with this. He is yelling at me and when he is really upset tries to throw things at me. Luckily it is short lived but the intensity is there and my frustration shows. He really does know it isn't me he is mad at but can't seem to make that reach. He is angry at something at school but comes home and starts yelling at me. Sometimes I can nail it on the head of what is wrong and then there are times I can't.
I hope with the constant calm reminders and re teaching that it is not appropriate we will get somewhere. I think upping his meds for aniety didn't help and now we will lower them again and see how things go. Gosh why can't they make a pill that a child or person can take and it just does the job.
I hope with the constant calm reminders and re teaching that it is not appropriate we will get somewhere. I think upping his meds for aniety didn't help and now we will lower them again and see how things go. Gosh why can't they make a pill that a child or person can take and it just does the job.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Back to normal?
Josh no longer had pneumonia and is on the mend. It will be awhile until he is completely healthy but headed in the right direction. YEAH..
Brandon just got back from camp this past weekend. I can't wait to see the photos he took. The counselor said he dropped the camera nurmerous times and doesn't think we will get any photos. We will have to wait and see. But he had a great time. He just had a really horrible time trying to firgure out his emotions. Happy because he had fun but sad because he missed us. Feeling bad that he didn't miss us while at camp but yet mad because he did go to camp. He is still learning how to deal with his emotions. So as usual we had him in a two year old mold and he coped. He coped until he got home and wanted to play on the wii. (see below post) not a good choice when you are tired and emotional drained. That took anthoer 45 minutes to get through and then he played with friends.
He now wants to go to summer camp. So I have signed him up but we won't discuss this until three days before he goes. Then hopefully he won't get so worked up over it and full of anxiety. I just hope I can keep a lit on this. It shall be interesting.
Brandon just got back from camp this past weekend. I can't wait to see the photos he took. The counselor said he dropped the camera nurmerous times and doesn't think we will get any photos. We will have to wait and see. But he had a great time. He just had a really horrible time trying to firgure out his emotions. Happy because he had fun but sad because he missed us. Feeling bad that he didn't miss us while at camp but yet mad because he did go to camp. He is still learning how to deal with his emotions. So as usual we had him in a two year old mold and he coped. He coped until he got home and wanted to play on the wii. (see below post) not a good choice when you are tired and emotional drained. That took anthoer 45 minutes to get through and then he played with friends.
He now wants to go to summer camp. So I have signed him up but we won't discuss this until three days before he goes. Then hopefully he won't get so worked up over it and full of anxiety. I just hope I can keep a lit on this. It shall be interesting.
old post that never made it
Well some of the exhaustion I have been feeling is slowly going away. Brandon was upped on his meds and it seems to make a difference. That is until, he played on the Wii. My goodness he gets so out of sorts playing the video games. You think I was the world's worst mother because I limit the time playing. I have too because he becomes so upset and nasty to everyone that it takes awhile to come down.
I know I know the big question... why does he get to play? Well he is the kicker, he played once this week only. I spent two days getting the frustration and anger out and moved to a positive direction. I don't think the Wii is all that bad but for some reason he cannot handle it so he won't. Maybe when school gets out and he can overload and I can walk away we may tryp again.
The weird thing is he can play at other homes or grandma's and not get this upset. On a flip note... Josh has been coming up with some doosies of comments..
"china is a great state... they make good toys."
"I am not crabby... I am only crabby in the morning when I have to get up" (after being told he has to go to be)
After telling him that he was pushing my envelope he wanted to know if I wanted it open or closed..... more pushing I tell you.
I have been posting these on facebook while they are fresh in my mind. He still wants to know why I would have kids if I didn't want to deal with their issues....hmmm
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
A Great Morning
This morning only Brandon was going to school. Josh has been sick with pneumonia the past few days. Luckily Josh is getting better but still needs some rest.
Well as you know Brandon can be a bit of a pill and a real sweetie. This morning as we were watching a you tube video he looked over at me and gave me a big SMOOCH. Smack on the lips for a good 15 seconds. He has never done that before. I was surprised and said "wow what was that for?"
and he looked at me and sweetly said "that is for being so mean lately." AAWWW
I think he enjoyed a bit of one on one mommy/son time :)
Well as you know Brandon can be a bit of a pill and a real sweetie. This morning as we were watching a you tube video he looked over at me and gave me a big SMOOCH. Smack on the lips for a good 15 seconds. He has never done that before. I was surprised and said "wow what was that for?"
and he looked at me and sweetly said "that is for being so mean lately." AAWWW
I think he enjoyed a bit of one on one mommy/son time :)
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
What is going on?
After a weekend of constant fighting and blaming each other... they are now playing together nicely. Hmmmmm
Is it because they have been apart at school? Is it because I started a new chart systems on learning how to respectful. Is it because the Wii if off limits for awhile since we could not be nice to one another?
Or are they realizing they are brothers and they have each other? I am reaching here but I think they are learning how to play again together for some reason. Either way I should enjoy the moment and cherrish this and not really second guess it.
Is it because they have been apart at school? Is it because I started a new chart systems on learning how to respectful. Is it because the Wii if off limits for awhile since we could not be nice to one another?
Or are they realizing they are brothers and they have each other? I am reaching here but I think they are learning how to play again together for some reason. Either way I should enjoy the moment and cherrish this and not really second guess it.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Dealing with ones emotion
I have a child that doesn't get it. What he gets is how everyone or I should say his brother is out to get him. It doesn't matter that he screamed in his brother's ear or hit him in the arm and that got his brother so mad that he shoved him and unfortunately that shoved pushed him into the tub and he hurt his side. The only thing he remembers is that his brother shoved him into the tub. In his mind, his brother just walked into the bathroom and shoved him.
Or how about playing basketball with his brother. It is ok for him to block his brother and put his arms on his and grab the ball and practically run him over as they both go for a ball but when he fell.... who was to blame? his brother of course went out and tripped him. uhm what?? If your brother even came near him while he had the ball he would be screaming at him at how unfair he is.
Why doesn't he see his role in this? Because sometimes he can't and sometimes he can. The sad reality is when he can pull it out to the front of his brain he will get very nervous and you can see how uncomfortable this is for him to grasp. It truly is very sad to see him so nervous and anxious over this but I don't know of another way to teach him about himself. We must calmy remind him of what happened. We have to bring it up to him and go through the entire episode for him to grasb the reality of the situation. Explain his role in the situation over and over so he understands the world is not out to get him. How he is a part of the occurance, not just the bystander in this. I just hope that some day it will be understood by him and he will be able to make good choices.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Spring Break
We have been on Spring Break for 4 days. The first day was cleaning and organizing the house for a guest. The second and third day we went and had day trips to Chicago. We visited the Alder Planitarium and the next day Navy Pier. May I say my boys were well behaved and fun. Yes they were. We had a friend of mine join us and he was amazed at how well they did together. In the beginning he had the kids reversed and over a few hours figured out which child needed added help. He loved watching Brandon tie his shoe. He had to make it exact on each string and if it would not meet exactly he would pull one side up higher to meet the other string. He could not believe how OCD my little guy could be. But I must say they were both very well behaved and sweet and well could of used a bit more manners but did good. Josh would complain to my friend because he smelled like smoke and smoking was bad for you. Josh got a bit dramatic over it but he made his point quite clear to my friend.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Dealing with FAS/ ADHD
You know it is pretty sad when you celebrate the fact that your child is acting up at school. But that is how I felt. Brandon is becoming more distracted and it is getting exhausting and tiresome to deal with, for homework, getting ready, going to bed and I could go on. Now his teacher is starting to have trouble with this.
However, his teacher is noticing the oddity of Brandon. There are not bad but there are days he needs more one on one and direction and when you teach over 25 kids that can become difficult. But he is a really good teacher to catch Brandon in what he needs. His biggest fear is that if Brandon gets a teacher that yells or won't worry about the FAS piece that this teacher will think that Brandon is not doing his work and is being defiant and difficult and not the FAS. They will shift his workload on to his one on one and lose time set aside for math or they will send it home in homework or he will fail. This is scarey because Brandon will be lost and more confused and have more homework or resources that he really won't need. Now this is scarey and yet this is good.
The school is seeing Brandon's handicap and how it will affect in life. How he needs special services but unfortunately cannot be met because of restriction within the school system. They added a line that states due to the FAS the syndrome is becoming more apparent as he is getting older. They are planning on more difficulties and they want to make everyone aware of them now. He will need certain services that are not offered at all but are needed. They are trying to do the best that they can.
It is getting harder to see that Brandon is more immature than his peers however, there are some similar to him at school. It is hard to see him get upset that he has to upset the whole household to make us aware, it doesn't ahve to be so extreme. There are new struggles that we deal with as a family and hopefully they get better or easier to cope with so you don't feel you are constantly struggling.
However, his teacher is noticing the oddity of Brandon. There are not bad but there are days he needs more one on one and direction and when you teach over 25 kids that can become difficult. But he is a really good teacher to catch Brandon in what he needs. His biggest fear is that if Brandon gets a teacher that yells or won't worry about the FAS piece that this teacher will think that Brandon is not doing his work and is being defiant and difficult and not the FAS. They will shift his workload on to his one on one and lose time set aside for math or they will send it home in homework or he will fail. This is scarey because Brandon will be lost and more confused and have more homework or resources that he really won't need. Now this is scarey and yet this is good.
The school is seeing Brandon's handicap and how it will affect in life. How he needs special services but unfortunately cannot be met because of restriction within the school system. They added a line that states due to the FAS the syndrome is becoming more apparent as he is getting older. They are planning on more difficulties and they want to make everyone aware of them now. He will need certain services that are not offered at all but are needed. They are trying to do the best that they can.
It is getting harder to see that Brandon is more immature than his peers however, there are some similar to him at school. It is hard to see him get upset that he has to upset the whole household to make us aware, it doesn't ahve to be so extreme. There are new struggles that we deal with as a family and hopefully they get better or easier to cope with so you don't feel you are constantly struggling.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Getting on with Life
I have been working lately and it is now taking a toll on me. I have less energy in the evening to help Brandon and work him through some very intense times. And then I have to stop and realized HEY it is getting better.
Currently the biggest obsticle I face are his meltdowns or screaming two year old tantrums. As long as I can stay calm and reassuring I can get him to calm himself and move on. I went to a FAS Meeting the other day for parents. I would say the biggest thing to work with is knowing they know but that the child is unable to recall what he/she to know at the moment. That gets hard.
The other day we had stayed up late the night before school. Brandon had his meds late and was bouncing off the walls and stayed up til 11 pm/. I let him sleep in and figured I would take him in when I go. Needless to say Josh had a meltdown that his brother got to sleep in and go later. He ended up missing the bus and then I had to take both boys to school. BUT the interesting thing was after school. Brandon came home and was upset or livid that he had homework from the stuff he missed in the morning... which of course was his brother's fault. He was late because HIS BROTHER had cried about going on the bus. He totally didn't remember he SLEPT IN and he was up the night before. It all landed on his brother. I had to explain the reality to him. He was late because he had been up late and I had let him sleep in. His brother had nothing to do with it. It was him mom thinking he needed to sleep in and he was the reason why we all were late going in. But that is not what he remembered just his brother crying missing the bus. He can't be part of the blame or problem even when he is. This was my doing if anything.
Meanwhile while Brandon and I are talking, Josh is emptying his backpack and putting the stuff from his lunch away (ice pack in frig) and doing his homework. This is done without any prompting by me.
Currently the biggest obsticle I face are his meltdowns or screaming two year old tantrums. As long as I can stay calm and reassuring I can get him to calm himself and move on. I went to a FAS Meeting the other day for parents. I would say the biggest thing to work with is knowing they know but that the child is unable to recall what he/she to know at the moment. That gets hard.
The other day we had stayed up late the night before school. Brandon had his meds late and was bouncing off the walls and stayed up til 11 pm/. I let him sleep in and figured I would take him in when I go. Needless to say Josh had a meltdown that his brother got to sleep in and go later. He ended up missing the bus and then I had to take both boys to school. BUT the interesting thing was after school. Brandon came home and was upset or livid that he had homework from the stuff he missed in the morning... which of course was his brother's fault. He was late because HIS BROTHER had cried about going on the bus. He totally didn't remember he SLEPT IN and he was up the night before. It all landed on his brother. I had to explain the reality to him. He was late because he had been up late and I had let him sleep in. His brother had nothing to do with it. It was him mom thinking he needed to sleep in and he was the reason why we all were late going in. But that is not what he remembered just his brother crying missing the bus. He can't be part of the blame or problem even when he is. This was my doing if anything.
Meanwhile while Brandon and I are talking, Josh is emptying his backpack and putting the stuff from his lunch away (ice pack in frig) and doing his homework. This is done without any prompting by me.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
back to school
We are back from our winter break and the kids are in school. WHEW
It was a long break, and I am sad to see it end but glad to get back into a routine. More for the boys to get into a routine than for me. Brandon needs the routine. However, he is now obsessing over his birthday. It is not until March and I don't know if after coming off the holidays I can handle having him up at nights worrying about it.
We just got done with him obsessing over Santa and presents. Even though we kept stressing it was not the presents it was about the birth of Jesus. So now I am explaining his birthday is a celebration of his life like Jesus and it is NOT about the presents. It is so sad to see him so worked up over something that is not even here.
This gets so hard because he doesn't understand some things and that makes it harder for us to get him to understand anything. Yet I guess he in not worrying about his adoption and where his birth mother is because he has other things/issues to worry about. He still doesn't even seem to understand another person gave birth to him, which is ok.
Joshua is slowing getting the routine of things. I think he missed me yesterday at school. He was so happy to be home and settle down and did his homework and have some fun AT HOME. It was sweet to see. He went out to play but before he did he was wondering if he should or not.... do I stay home and do homework or play? He got his homework done so he decided to play, which is fine.
My Josh gets everything about his adoption and there are days he is fine with it and then there are times he gets upset over it. Right now he is getting tired and upset with his brother. He is slowly learning his brother is different, even though he is still Brandon. So hopefully over time, he will finally learn that his brother needs encoragement and strength from him instead of normal sibling jibbing. time will tell
It was a long break, and I am sad to see it end but glad to get back into a routine. More for the boys to get into a routine than for me. Brandon needs the routine. However, he is now obsessing over his birthday. It is not until March and I don't know if after coming off the holidays I can handle having him up at nights worrying about it.
We just got done with him obsessing over Santa and presents. Even though we kept stressing it was not the presents it was about the birth of Jesus. So now I am explaining his birthday is a celebration of his life like Jesus and it is NOT about the presents. It is so sad to see him so worked up over something that is not even here.
This gets so hard because he doesn't understand some things and that makes it harder for us to get him to understand anything. Yet I guess he in not worrying about his adoption and where his birth mother is because he has other things/issues to worry about. He still doesn't even seem to understand another person gave birth to him, which is ok.
Joshua is slowing getting the routine of things. I think he missed me yesterday at school. He was so happy to be home and settle down and did his homework and have some fun AT HOME. It was sweet to see. He went out to play but before he did he was wondering if he should or not.... do I stay home and do homework or play? He got his homework done so he decided to play, which is fine.
My Josh gets everything about his adoption and there are days he is fine with it and then there are times he gets upset over it. Right now he is getting tired and upset with his brother. He is slowly learning his brother is different, even though he is still Brandon. So hopefully over time, he will finally learn that his brother needs encoragement and strength from him instead of normal sibling jibbing. time will tell
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