Retreat

I went to a retreat last weekend and had an interesting time. I never realized my emotions were buried deep. However, they really weren't buried, they we not coming out. In other words, I have a voice and I need to use it. I come from a family where you didn't say much about feelings but you knew what the other were thinking. You just did, and if you didn't, someone would tell you. But now I have learn you have to say your thoughts so people know. But you don't need to shout, and sometimes your feelings are your feelings, they just are and nothing more about it.

So when a child hits that cord in you and you want to shout, you need to stop and breathe. Something from your past makes you "freeze" and "react" however, children with special needs due to adoption backgrounds are not going to respond when you "react" they fight. They learn from you by being influence by you and teaching. So I learn to stop take a breath and think about my feelings, let it be and then to Not put my feelings on the child but to be with the child in the now to help him. So if Brandon acts out, instead of screaming at him "reacting" just to stop and breath to have my "feelings" and then to move on and help Brandon through his.. be in the moment/now. We did an exercise where I was angry and my coaches told me it was ok to be angry and I was safe... boy did that hit home. I could honestly relax and feel my body be angry. I also realized the many times I have held Brandon and said those words, "ok to be angry" and "you are safe" and I realize how much those words with touch can help you. It is very calming.

I also learned that it is ok for me to be happy. To enjoy the moments I have with my kids and not to worry when the other shoe will fall. To be in the now and relax and enjoy and be happy and in the now with my boys, spouse etc. The happiness might end but I can be ok with that. If my spouse is not happy I can still be happy. Those are his feelings, not mine.