As my hubbie and I talked more last night about our Brandon we came to some realizations. One that every Fall through Christmas our son is a total wreck. We know this but we forget in the throws of frustration because we have gone from a somewhat normal life, to that of a constant disruptive life. Nothing horrible like some people experiences, but enough to remind us that something isn't quite right. We know that over time and remembering that our child, at this time in life, he has to be a two year old. It is the only way Brandon can cope with everything. He needs to regress to do well in school, play and life during the BTS - Holidays. Fall is hard. A very disrupted time for him, he left a hospital to go to an orphanage and then a year later in Fall he went from the orphanage to our house... major moves.
It hurts because you are angry the child is so dysregulated and you can't reach him. In order to cope, we have to step back to a time he is comfortable. That happens to be two years old, a time when we brought him into our lives and he must of felt some safety and love. Now as he is older we have to remind him and comfort him and baby him and let him go off so he can handle the world around him. It can be difficult when you have to regress but it is what we need to do for him.
The second thing is will finding a new label or diagnosis really help? Is he manic? Bi-polar? Maybe, but I don't think what we face everyday with Brandon it is something we need to know right now. He is only 8 and very immature (besides from above). He can hold it together for school and for other people, just not us. If we learn now, would we benefit from the stress we feel? I really don't know... constant appointments and putting him under a microscope doesn't seem to be the answer or solution for us right now. We realized after talking, we are frustrated but not that frustrated. Not like we were when we looked into attachment.
Anyone who has struggle with a child would understand, the difference between what is tolerable and what or when you need to seek outside help. Right now I don't think it would help us, only add some frustrations. Sometimes you need to vent and re group and think of your decisions.
1 comment:
Oh, I definitely know what you mean. There's not really any point having a true diagnosis unless there is something that can be done about it when you have it. If he was bipolar, then maybe medication would help him, but then, maybe not. We tried Ben on medication for ADHD and it made him worse. At least we tried it & now we know that's not what he's got. I think we look for answers to try to make our lives easier and if you are happy with the way things are now, you are better off just waiting it out for a while.
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