Well it is good and bad news. The cancer is spreading which isn't good, but they are going to try a different chemo, (which will make her very tired) and hope the tumor will shrink. This is a fast acting chemo that if it doesn't do any good we shall know before the end of January. Apparently when my mom was doing good in late Spring they stop chemo to give her body a rest and more cancer came back faster. A risk you take but it didn't seem such a huge risk at that time.
On another note, my sister just got diagnosed with breast cancer. Crap. Good news is, it was caught early and is stage one and after treatment she will be fine. Lots of test to make sure it is located in one area and has not spread and proper treatment. She is doing great and has a wonderful attitude. This has helped my folks. It has even made my mom seem to perk up and do more so that she will be more available to her. Which is sad that such trauma got my mom going. However, it got her going and worrying about her daughter which I pray will help her.
If you are wondering, yes I get yearly mamograms and have for the past ten years. I do worry but I can't let it creep into my every thought.
On a better note, Josh woke me up this AM at 6:00 because he could not sleep because Santa is coming. He is so excited and nervous. Nervous? I guess anxious and can't wait until the 24th,..... the good part is he is willing to go to bed early so the next day will come. :)
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Christmas is coming
Christmas is coming and the boys are getting excited. It really picks up the holiday cheer for me. My mom is not doing well and it is scary. Today she goes to the doctor and finds out what the test results are. Hopefully it isn't anything horrible becasue they said they would call about it so we can only wait and see. However, she is barely getting out of bed and moving. This is not a good sign. So I am hoping that if she gets news that there is no cancer she will start moving and feeling better. It is so hard to tell.
Meanwhile my boys are so excited for Christmas that they can't contain themselves. Brandon is bouncing off the walls and Josh is doing everything Christmas. It is funny to watch. A bit tiring at times but funny still. They can't go to sleep at night and they can't concetrate on homework and they can't think straight. At least I hope this will settle down as soon as Christmas is over. The sad reality is they really aren't getting what they request..... electronics is not what Santa thinks they need this year.
Meanwhile my boys are so excited for Christmas that they can't contain themselves. Brandon is bouncing off the walls and Josh is doing everything Christmas. It is funny to watch. A bit tiring at times but funny still. They can't go to sleep at night and they can't concetrate on homework and they can't think straight. At least I hope this will settle down as soon as Christmas is over. The sad reality is they really aren't getting what they request..... electronics is not what Santa thinks they need this year.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Daily Holiday Life
With Christmas approaching, we get pretty busy around here, like most folks. I look at blogs and I see kids dressed up so fancy and smiling faces it is hard to believe many have lots of struggles just to take the photos. but they do and the kids look wonderful.
We are struggling this Christmas but for other reasons. My mother's health is not well. She is in chronic pain from the radiation or arthritis or chemo in her hip. They don't know what is causing it. So last Thursday they took an X-ray to see what is happening. Luckily we have not recieved a call saying the cancer is back and spreading it will be something else since they don't meet with the doctor until Wed. Meanwhile Mom is taking lots of pain meds and living in la la land. Which is hard to watch your parent be so out of it or sleeping in a bed all day with her pj's on. My dad is getting more depressed and struggling to get the strength to carry on. I live an hour and half away and I cannot see them daily. But I am making an effort to go at least once a week. A very depressing time. The sad part is not knowing what is going to happen. so I would like to have the strength of my brother and believe this is just a painful time for her and things will get better. Chemo can do this... but this is our second round. So I wait and try to look for strength... and guess where I am finding it? In my son.
Yes, my difficult son that challenges me everyday. I see a healthy little guy with so much strength that he so unaware of what he has. He can get out of bed and dress and run and play. He can sit still and complete his homework, or a task of some type. My mother cannot get out of bed. How can this make me happy? Because when he can't get dress, because he won't, I simply remind him of what he is capable of and not get angry and he gets dress. He is getting ready in the morning pretty good. We still have struggles, but I have learn to time them and move on. He can do this at school and I hope he will learn at home.
A child with FAS looks at things differently. The other moring his choice was to get his shoes and coat on for school... and then play with his Santa. He chose to play with Santa. When we left he had his shoes and coat in hand and got into the van. As we pull out, we see the Christmas lights are on the Christmas Tree. Josh jumps out of the van to go and turn them off. Since we are now in the driveway the cold air comes rushing in..... Brandon's response to all this by screaming that Josh made him cold... UHM HOW does Josh make you cold? because he is sitting without his shoes and coat. But it is all Josh's fault because he open the door. I calmly remind him that if he had taken the choice of putting on shoes and coat before playing with Santa he would not be cold. This takes awhile for him to comprehend, because in his mind it is Josh's fault. Sadly it is not, but this is a fine line because I don't want Brandon to feel bad about himself or lower his self esteem, I want him to understand that he is smart and needs to learn how to make better choices. A very fine line.
We are struggling this Christmas but for other reasons. My mother's health is not well. She is in chronic pain from the radiation or arthritis or chemo in her hip. They don't know what is causing it. So last Thursday they took an X-ray to see what is happening. Luckily we have not recieved a call saying the cancer is back and spreading it will be something else since they don't meet with the doctor until Wed. Meanwhile Mom is taking lots of pain meds and living in la la land. Which is hard to watch your parent be so out of it or sleeping in a bed all day with her pj's on. My dad is getting more depressed and struggling to get the strength to carry on. I live an hour and half away and I cannot see them daily. But I am making an effort to go at least once a week. A very depressing time. The sad part is not knowing what is going to happen. so I would like to have the strength of my brother and believe this is just a painful time for her and things will get better. Chemo can do this... but this is our second round. So I wait and try to look for strength... and guess where I am finding it? In my son.
Yes, my difficult son that challenges me everyday. I see a healthy little guy with so much strength that he so unaware of what he has. He can get out of bed and dress and run and play. He can sit still and complete his homework, or a task of some type. My mother cannot get out of bed. How can this make me happy? Because when he can't get dress, because he won't, I simply remind him of what he is capable of and not get angry and he gets dress. He is getting ready in the morning pretty good. We still have struggles, but I have learn to time them and move on. He can do this at school and I hope he will learn at home.
A child with FAS looks at things differently. The other moring his choice was to get his shoes and coat on for school... and then play with his Santa. He chose to play with Santa. When we left he had his shoes and coat in hand and got into the van. As we pull out, we see the Christmas lights are on the Christmas Tree. Josh jumps out of the van to go and turn them off. Since we are now in the driveway the cold air comes rushing in..... Brandon's response to all this by screaming that Josh made him cold... UHM HOW does Josh make you cold? because he is sitting without his shoes and coat. But it is all Josh's fault because he open the door. I calmly remind him that if he had taken the choice of putting on shoes and coat before playing with Santa he would not be cold. This takes awhile for him to comprehend, because in his mind it is Josh's fault. Sadly it is not, but this is a fine line because I don't want Brandon to feel bad about himself or lower his self esteem, I want him to understand that he is smart and needs to learn how to make better choices. A very fine line.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Christmas is coming
OK not for anothe month but I am getting ready. I hate last minute shopping and the crowds, yet I love going out on black friday. Go figure.
This is also the time of year when we came home with our boys... it will be 10 years. I am very blessed and love to share the joyous news. However, my little boy does not, he is at the age it is no longer a big deal. I know I know from his perspective it is just a reminder for him there is a birth mother that left him and that really bothers him. This makes me sad. I wish he could really see how excited it makes me and happy we have become a family.
Even with difficult times, we are a family. My husband had to go off last saturday night with lots of his frustrations... and some were due to the fact the boys have changed from their sleeping room to their own rooms. The struggles we go through with the changes. But some of these difficulties are not showing because my kids have grown and changed. There are making wonderful progress that he doesn't see but yet he does.
Sometimes, you have to really STOP and see where you have been and where you are going. Brandon has made some wonderful strides lately and the main one is communicating to us some of his frustrations. We gave him some tools to use and I hope he does use them, appropriately. Time will tell.
This is also the time of year when we came home with our boys... it will be 10 years. I am very blessed and love to share the joyous news. However, my little boy does not, he is at the age it is no longer a big deal. I know I know from his perspective it is just a reminder for him there is a birth mother that left him and that really bothers him. This makes me sad. I wish he could really see how excited it makes me and happy we have become a family.
Even with difficult times, we are a family. My husband had to go off last saturday night with lots of his frustrations... and some were due to the fact the boys have changed from their sleeping room to their own rooms. The struggles we go through with the changes. But some of these difficulties are not showing because my kids have grown and changed. There are making wonderful progress that he doesn't see but yet he does.
Sometimes, you have to really STOP and see where you have been and where you are going. Brandon has made some wonderful strides lately and the main one is communicating to us some of his frustrations. We gave him some tools to use and I hope he does use them, appropriately. Time will tell.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
I am not a push over
somehow my dear spouse thinks I am a push over with the kids..... currently he is keeping them up to watch wrestling and let one child have a shake for dinner and the other a chocolate milk. I would of said milk or water for dinner, and watching wild wrestling before bed??
I have to have him watch two boys after school and do the homework, clean the house and make dinner before he can really tell me HOW I need to do it. He is a big a push over as me. Not as much but togther I think we make some pretty good ground rules.
For now I would like the kids to go to bed so they can get some reading and get up for church and activities tomorrow.
I have to have him watch two boys after school and do the homework, clean the house and make dinner before he can really tell me HOW I need to do it. He is a big a push over as me. Not as much but togther I think we make some pretty good ground rules.
For now I would like the kids to go to bed so they can get some reading and get up for church and activities tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
OK I have sent some emails to their teachers... and hmmmm Brandon's teacher's don't seem to have the time to reply. It is a bit frustrating since this is suppose to be my form of communication. It is not like I email and expect a reply the same day... but a week?
the famous line was said, my child is not the worst of their problems.... so I have to remind them, that he is my child and I have a responsibility to see that even though you don't see him acting out that he is deeply troubled and you are not helping him in thinking his focusing and dysregulation will get better without help??!?!
He is struggling internally. He is an emotionally 5 year old doing a 10 year old work load....it has many challenges.
the famous line was said, my child is not the worst of their problems.... so I have to remind them, that he is my child and I have a responsibility to see that even though you don't see him acting out that he is deeply troubled and you are not helping him in thinking his focusing and dysregulation will get better without help??!?!
He is struggling internally. He is an emotionally 5 year old doing a 10 year old work load....it has many challenges.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
I can't sleep
I can't sleep these days... why? becasue I have been working at my kids school as a Para in one of the rooms that happens to be in Brandon's hallway. It was and is a long term assignment. The second week I was working Brandon had a difficult night going to sleep and a LOT of stuff on his mind came pouring out. Needless to say, I stop a teacher or two and had some small chats. I apologized for coming in their rooms and I was told it was and it was ok, not to worry.
Well it really wasn't because I was called in by the vice principle and was told I was not to bother the teachers about my son while I was working. I had to write a note or email like I wasn't in the building. Could I do that or was this going to be a problem. Yes I could do it and no it would not be a problem. However, if you are a teacher and you have a persistant parent or one that does have concerns about their child and you don't like it set a meeting with the parent and make the guidelines. Don't run to the office like a child and complain. I don't know what upset me more, being called it and talked to like a child (that is the way our vp is with all) or the fact that a teacher would not say.. I would love to talk to you but lets make an appt because I have blah blah to do. Because Brandon is in middle school he has several teachers and a resource teachers.. and the ones I spoke with for a brief moment before school said I was not bothering them and it was ok to stop and ask anytime. Why say that when you don't mean it?
I do understand the need not to interupt a teacher and I can respect that. But show a parent that and not run to the office, I think if a teacher had said I will get back to you and then did that is fine, but when they don't it gets confusing. Sorry these thoughts are in my head.
I guess it is because when Brandon's mind is in the middle of something, now is when you deal with it. Talking about it later or bringing it back up, he might not be able too. He can't sometimes so I have to teach in the moment. Trying to get people to understand that can be really hard. There I think I feel better.
Well it really wasn't because I was called in by the vice principle and was told I was not to bother the teachers about my son while I was working. I had to write a note or email like I wasn't in the building. Could I do that or was this going to be a problem. Yes I could do it and no it would not be a problem. However, if you are a teacher and you have a persistant parent or one that does have concerns about their child and you don't like it set a meeting with the parent and make the guidelines. Don't run to the office like a child and complain. I don't know what upset me more, being called it and talked to like a child (that is the way our vp is with all) or the fact that a teacher would not say.. I would love to talk to you but lets make an appt because I have blah blah to do. Because Brandon is in middle school he has several teachers and a resource teachers.. and the ones I spoke with for a brief moment before school said I was not bothering them and it was ok to stop and ask anytime. Why say that when you don't mean it?
I do understand the need not to interupt a teacher and I can respect that. But show a parent that and not run to the office, I think if a teacher had said I will get back to you and then did that is fine, but when they don't it gets confusing. Sorry these thoughts are in my head.
I guess it is because when Brandon's mind is in the middle of something, now is when you deal with it. Talking about it later or bringing it back up, he might not be able too. He can't sometimes so I have to teach in the moment. Trying to get people to understand that can be really hard. There I think I feel better.
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