Well we made it throught the Christmas holidays. What was really nice was we were able to even stop giving Brandon the Benadryl at night because he was tired and relaxed enough to get some sleep. Usually we are having to help him get some rest for the holidays at night because he is so wound up he can't relax and go to sleep. That was nice to see and enjoy. He has a cold now so we will see how things go.
Speaking of not relaxing, we spent the holidays at my folks and my brother has a very excited boy as well. He is only 5 but he was so worked up for the holidays that by the time he was able to open his gifts Christmas morning he threw up. I think Brandon gets a bit overworked but he has never thrown up over all the commotion. We know my brother's son was worked up because there was no fever and 1/2 way through the day he felt better.
Josh had a great holiday but didn't like the sense of humor on one of his gifts. We gave him an Xbox, but it wasn't the toy...or video game it was a plain white box with an X on it. Couldn't resist giving him the toy. He took it in good stride, and so for Dad's birthday he will give him a rock with the word band on it... rockband...
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I am not alone
I read a few blogs that are out there. I feel for some people and what they have to go through I really do. It is interesting when you read other blogs about people and when they bring their child home and you hear or read how wonderful things are and how they couldn't be happier. And then you see the blog where it goes wrong and there is trouble.
Now I have to admit, there are times I am truly jealous when families bring home their babies and things are going wonderful..... I didn't have that experience. What makes me sad is at one point their blog is turn off or password protected etc.. then you find out they are having lots of issues. Then I feel sad and bad for the families. I want to reach out but I really don't know how, my issues are not the same and some people don't want ot hear from strangers... (shut off their blogs). What is the proper thing to do?
Some respond and are glad to hear from you and don't feel so alone and well some get offended. So for now I just read and only make comments to people I have talked to some how.
I guess I post this because I just got off reading of one family that brought their daughter home and she was doing remarkable and then they vanish from blogging for months... then one day appeared and said their child was RAD, and they posted some of their problems. I really feel for this family. They have worked with her for 1 1/2 years and still some of their closest friends and family don't believe there are issues. Well I have to say if you every questions a family that has adopted and things look wonderful, go and talk with a social worker/ couselor with adoptive kids. They will give you the stats and how this is a HUGE problem in the adoptive world, it is workable and kids can be just fine, but there is lots of help and support from family and friends that are needed.
I guess it made me realize sometime you need ot put yourself out there so others might contact you instead of you contacting them. If anyone is reading my blog.
Now I have to admit, there are times I am truly jealous when families bring home their babies and things are going wonderful..... I didn't have that experience. What makes me sad is at one point their blog is turn off or password protected etc.. then you find out they are having lots of issues. Then I feel sad and bad for the families. I want to reach out but I really don't know how, my issues are not the same and some people don't want ot hear from strangers... (shut off their blogs). What is the proper thing to do?
Some respond and are glad to hear from you and don't feel so alone and well some get offended. So for now I just read and only make comments to people I have talked to some how.
I guess I post this because I just got off reading of one family that brought their daughter home and she was doing remarkable and then they vanish from blogging for months... then one day appeared and said their child was RAD, and they posted some of their problems. I really feel for this family. They have worked with her for 1 1/2 years and still some of their closest friends and family don't believe there are issues. Well I have to say if you every questions a family that has adopted and things look wonderful, go and talk with a social worker/ couselor with adoptive kids. They will give you the stats and how this is a HUGE problem in the adoptive world, it is workable and kids can be just fine, but there is lots of help and support from family and friends that are needed.
I guess it made me realize sometime you need ot put yourself out there so others might contact you instead of you contacting them. If anyone is reading my blog.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I said something stupid today
OK, so I have been wanting Brandon to stay home this week because his cold has gotten worse. Brandon has been insisting on going to school since they have started roller skating in gym... he loves it. So this morning he was sleeping so peacefully I didn't wake him and just woke Josh.
This is working out and I have breakfast with Josh and talking about school and I mention I might do some Christmas decorating today in the hallway. Thinking he would just say ok.... well he didn't say anything but when I went to sign his agenda for school he got very upset with me. I didn't need to sign it, I do it wrong and he will be on yellow it is all my fault... I was like what is wrong with you ? We have to go to the bus please talk to me? He is crying and carrying on and HE was very ANGRY and won't walk with me or talk to me..... so I don't get him on the bus ...
SMACK ME ON THE HEAD: "we are decorating" Brandon was staying home and Josh was going to school... do you think he a bit upset? Could I blame him? I had to apologize, my bad.
This is working out and I have breakfast with Josh and talking about school and I mention I might do some Christmas decorating today in the hallway. Thinking he would just say ok.... well he didn't say anything but when I went to sign his agenda for school he got very upset with me. I didn't need to sign it, I do it wrong and he will be on yellow it is all my fault... I was like what is wrong with you ? We have to go to the bus please talk to me? He is crying and carrying on and HE was very ANGRY and won't walk with me or talk to me..... so I don't get him on the bus ...
SMACK ME ON THE HEAD: "we are decorating" Brandon was staying home and Josh was going to school... do you think he a bit upset? Could I blame him? I had to apologize, my bad.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Back to School/ Conferences
We have two boys in school today!! Brandon still has a cough, but it is only in the morning and not during the day. Josh has been fever free for three days and his coughing is almost gone. So I cross my fingers and hope this was as bad as it will get. My husband is home with a bug but his fever is gone, he did get the flu.
Had our teacher conferences last night. Can't say I didn't hear anything that surprised me it was just what I expected. Brandon need lots or redirecting. (Hmmm) and that he is focusing less than earlier in the year.. Let's see, he is settle into the routine, more to start looking around, and the holidays are here and I think he will be a bit more distracted until after the holidays... Sorry teacher and his one on one, it is what we deal with every year and every day. Are you finally figuring this out? Do you think I don't know this, have I not mention this many times? The quote "he is easily distracted" We have mention this for years and I was told many kids are at this age... (psst, it isn't improving).
Josh is doing well. His teacher said "Josh, what can I say, he is such a joy in class" with a giggle, "I was just tickled I got him in my class this year... I wanted to have him since he was in Kindergarten" .. It is so nice to hear that the teachers fight over who gets your child. I guess all the 2nd grade teachers wanted Josh. I am glad his teacher really appreciates having him. He is doing well, just needs to slow down and take his time. :)
Had our teacher conferences last night. Can't say I didn't hear anything that surprised me it was just what I expected. Brandon need lots or redirecting. (Hmmm) and that he is focusing less than earlier in the year.. Let's see, he is settle into the routine, more to start looking around, and the holidays are here and I think he will be a bit more distracted until after the holidays... Sorry teacher and his one on one, it is what we deal with every year and every day. Are you finally figuring this out? Do you think I don't know this, have I not mention this many times? The quote "he is easily distracted" We have mention this for years and I was told many kids are at this age... (psst, it isn't improving).
Josh is doing well. His teacher said "Josh, what can I say, he is such a joy in class" with a giggle, "I was just tickled I got him in my class this year... I wanted to have him since he was in Kindergarten" .. It is so nice to hear that the teachers fight over who gets your child. I guess all the 2nd grade teachers wanted Josh. I am glad his teacher really appreciates having him. He is doing well, just needs to slow down and take his time. :)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Flu or Cold?
Joshua has been coughing for a few days now... On Monday there were only 11 out of 25 kids in his class and then yesterday it was only 8. So yesterday I kept him home due to his cough, luckily he had no fever... but this am he rose with 100 temp and is now sitting on the couch watching TV looking miserable.
I just hope it doesn't get worse over time and that this will be the worst it is. It is the chronic cough that is getting frustrating. So the question is does Josh have a could or start of the flu?
I just hope it doesn't get worse over time and that this will be the worst it is. It is the chronic cough that is getting frustrating. So the question is does Josh have a could or start of the flu?
Thursday, October 15, 2009
New Thoughts
As my hubbie and I talked more last night about our Brandon we came to some realizations. One that every Fall through Christmas our son is a total wreck. We know this but we forget in the throws of frustration because we have gone from a somewhat normal life, to that of a constant disruptive life. Nothing horrible like some people experiences, but enough to remind us that something isn't quite right. We know that over time and remembering that our child, at this time in life, he has to be a two year old. It is the only way Brandon can cope with everything. He needs to regress to do well in school, play and life during the BTS - Holidays. Fall is hard. A very disrupted time for him, he left a hospital to go to an orphanage and then a year later in Fall he went from the orphanage to our house... major moves.
It hurts because you are angry the child is so dysregulated and you can't reach him. In order to cope, we have to step back to a time he is comfortable. That happens to be two years old, a time when we brought him into our lives and he must of felt some safety and love. Now as he is older we have to remind him and comfort him and baby him and let him go off so he can handle the world around him. It can be difficult when you have to regress but it is what we need to do for him.
The second thing is will finding a new label or diagnosis really help? Is he manic? Bi-polar? Maybe, but I don't think what we face everyday with Brandon it is something we need to know right now. He is only 8 and very immature (besides from above). He can hold it together for school and for other people, just not us. If we learn now, would we benefit from the stress we feel? I really don't know... constant appointments and putting him under a microscope doesn't seem to be the answer or solution for us right now. We realized after talking, we are frustrated but not that frustrated. Not like we were when we looked into attachment.
Anyone who has struggle with a child would understand, the difference between what is tolerable and what or when you need to seek outside help. Right now I don't think it would help us, only add some frustrations. Sometimes you need to vent and re group and think of your decisions.
It hurts because you are angry the child is so dysregulated and you can't reach him. In order to cope, we have to step back to a time he is comfortable. That happens to be two years old, a time when we brought him into our lives and he must of felt some safety and love. Now as he is older we have to remind him and comfort him and baby him and let him go off so he can handle the world around him. It can be difficult when you have to regress but it is what we need to do for him.
The second thing is will finding a new label or diagnosis really help? Is he manic? Bi-polar? Maybe, but I don't think what we face everyday with Brandon it is something we need to know right now. He is only 8 and very immature (besides from above). He can hold it together for school and for other people, just not us. If we learn now, would we benefit from the stress we feel? I really don't know... constant appointments and putting him under a microscope doesn't seem to be the answer or solution for us right now. We realized after talking, we are frustrated but not that frustrated. Not like we were when we looked into attachment.
Anyone who has struggle with a child would understand, the difference between what is tolerable and what or when you need to seek outside help. Right now I don't think it would help us, only add some frustrations. Sometimes you need to vent and re group and think of your decisions.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Life as we know it
I have been reading other blogs and some families are in Ukraine right now adopting their children. I am so happy for them. It makes me remember my journey there and everything we went through and how far we have come.
We have our monthly meeting for attachement challenge children and Don and I were the focus of everything. We got on a roll about Brandon's behavior at bedtime. Now you are not suppose to focus in on his behaviors but rather "why" he is having this behavior and we keep coming up with "he is afraid to go to sleep" and someone mention maybe he is afraid we will be gone in the morning.. we have woken up with him for the last 7 years so that is hard to fathom. And yet it is very true... traumatized childrne live in constant fear and sometimes these fears don't really go away and they learn to cope. However, Brandon is not learnign to cope, he handles it like he always does, he gets loud and disruptive in the home.
So what to do? It was dicussed last night it might be more than fetal alcohol and more manic depression. How do you know if a 8 yr old is manic or bi-polar? We think it is time to test him and figure these things out. Scary because you really don't want to learn your child is manic or bi polar or anything more than you can handle. But on the other hand, I am told the medicines available now with the proper diagnose can help the child rather than harm or have the child live with a high and low.
We have our monthly meeting for attachement challenge children and Don and I were the focus of everything. We got on a roll about Brandon's behavior at bedtime. Now you are not suppose to focus in on his behaviors but rather "why" he is having this behavior and we keep coming up with "he is afraid to go to sleep" and someone mention maybe he is afraid we will be gone in the morning.. we have woken up with him for the last 7 years so that is hard to fathom. And yet it is very true... traumatized childrne live in constant fear and sometimes these fears don't really go away and they learn to cope. However, Brandon is not learnign to cope, he handles it like he always does, he gets loud and disruptive in the home.
So what to do? It was dicussed last night it might be more than fetal alcohol and more manic depression. How do you know if a 8 yr old is manic or bi-polar? We think it is time to test him and figure these things out. Scary because you really don't want to learn your child is manic or bi polar or anything more than you can handle. But on the other hand, I am told the medicines available now with the proper diagnose can help the child rather than harm or have the child live with a high and low.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
September and off and running
I am not very good at keeping up with this blog. I get lazy and think I have nothing to write and then I sit and realize there are many things to write about.
Brandon has started third grade. He is growing up and yet he is still my little child. There are days he is so dysregulated that I have to stop and re think how far we have come. In pre-school he would come home and be angry all the time, we found out he was emotionally challenge and had attachment issues. So we start Kindergarten and encourage this behavior to teach our dysregulated son that we are here for him. So in Kindergarten, Brandon comes home everyday and has a meltdown that last for almost two hours.... I am talking screaming yelling, biting, hitting and just pure frustration. 1st grade he comes home and it is fighting mainly with his brother and he is angry but not as bad.... can't focus on homework and we are still working on attaching. 2nd grade, it took us til almost the end of the year for Brandon to start processing homework and actually doing it. Spelling words, like his brother in first grade.... took prompting but was getting it with some meltdowns but nothing like in K.
NOW- coming home and regrouping and then for the most part can pull himself together and do some homework, with little or no issues and re-directing. A light bulb has turned on. I am amazed I still have my issues from time to time, but nothing like I used too.
Josh continues to amaze me. He gets it. He matures and he watches the daily struggles with his brother and he just thinks this is normal. There is nothing wrong with his dysregulated brother but there is. Josh is doing great in 2nd grade. The same issues as in every year, he needs to slow down and not rush as well as re-checking his work. His teacher is not worried about his acedemics... he is on target. He could be above but he hates to work too hard at it. So he gets by pretty easy and when it gets difficult then he gets frustrated.
Brandon has started third grade. He is growing up and yet he is still my little child. There are days he is so dysregulated that I have to stop and re think how far we have come. In pre-school he would come home and be angry all the time, we found out he was emotionally challenge and had attachment issues. So we start Kindergarten and encourage this behavior to teach our dysregulated son that we are here for him. So in Kindergarten, Brandon comes home everyday and has a meltdown that last for almost two hours.... I am talking screaming yelling, biting, hitting and just pure frustration. 1st grade he comes home and it is fighting mainly with his brother and he is angry but not as bad.... can't focus on homework and we are still working on attaching. 2nd grade, it took us til almost the end of the year for Brandon to start processing homework and actually doing it. Spelling words, like his brother in first grade.... took prompting but was getting it with some meltdowns but nothing like in K.
NOW- coming home and regrouping and then for the most part can pull himself together and do some homework, with little or no issues and re-directing. A light bulb has turned on. I am amazed I still have my issues from time to time, but nothing like I used too.
Josh continues to amaze me. He gets it. He matures and he watches the daily struggles with his brother and he just thinks this is normal. There is nothing wrong with his dysregulated brother but there is. Josh is doing great in 2nd grade. The same issues as in every year, he needs to slow down and not rush as well as re-checking his work. His teacher is not worried about his acedemics... he is on target. He could be above but he hates to work too hard at it. So he gets by pretty easy and when it gets difficult then he gets frustrated.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Back To School
We started back to school and just as I suspected... very difficult for Brandon and easy for Josh. Or so it seems. I think they both have very good teachers this year so I am very excited. Josh had a good teacher last year, but Brandon's teacher wasn't much for communicating with me.We had a wonderful summer and I was sad to see it end. Now that school has begun I really miss my summer. We were able to do so much this summer and not just vacations but going to the local pool, playgrounds, hanging with friends, visiting relatives, we had fun. Both boys could handle the travel around, the confusion of what to do and all the fun. HArd to believe Brandon needs so much routine because he handle last summer wonderfully. Ok we had our moments but mainly fun.
Now we are back to our routine of school. Very hard for Mr. B but over time I hope he can adapt to everything. I have to remember to be very very patience. I am not always calm and that does not help. He is so dysregulated he doesn't even make sense. Then I dont' make sense and then we all fall apart.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
4th of July
Well we made it to Six Flags Great America in Chicago this 4th. It was not very crowded like we had been told which is very nice. A lot of people have other plans on this holiday. It might have been the weather too. It was to rained all morning and it didn't look like it would be nice day either. But it wasn't going to rain in the evening for the fireworks show and since my kids really don't or can't do a lot of the rides we decided to give it a chance.
It rain for the first hour we were there and then stopped. I think it was because I got our slickers out and started carrying the big bag around. I told Don, I would rather hold the bag and carry it all day then put in the car and have it rain again. Guess what? It didn't rain after that.
We went to a dance party at the Hometown Square and then got invited to be in the parade in the evening. So I guess acting like an idiot with your kids, gets you a special ride on the trolley. We didn't get to see the parade, which was fine, we were in it. We got to meet the characters afterward, but my boys wanted to see the fireworks. They walked right by them to see the fireworks. This from two boys that stop to see every character whether they knew them or not.
It rain for the first hour we were there and then stopped. I think it was because I got our slickers out and started carrying the big bag around. I told Don, I would rather hold the bag and carry it all day then put in the car and have it rain again. Guess what? It didn't rain after that.
We went to a dance party at the Hometown Square and then got invited to be in the parade in the evening. So I guess acting like an idiot with your kids, gets you a special ride on the trolley. We didn't get to see the parade, which was fine, we were in it. We got to meet the characters afterward, but my boys wanted to see the fireworks. They walked right by them to see the fireworks. This from two boys that stop to see every character whether they knew them or not.
Monday, June 29, 2009
cleaning rooms
Ok so the boys are told to clean their rooms by Dad. They were so bad and I knew I would have them clean today, Monday, since we had no major plans... Finally a restful summer boring day.
Anyway Don made a nice stink about it so the boys were inform on Sunday night before bedtime that they would have to clean their rooms early Monday so they could play.
Anyway Don made a nice stink about it so the boys were inform on Sunday night before bedtime that they would have to clean their rooms early Monday so they could play.
This morning both boys are sleeping in and at around 8:00 am I heard a noise upstairs. I went to investigate and I go into Josh's room and he is trying to hang his clothes. (he can't reach the rack he is too short). I ask him what he is doing and he said he wanted to clean his room right away so he could go play. YEAH so I help him a bit and we finish and go downstairs. About an hour later Brandon wakes up and comes downstairs.
Good morning Brandon, did you see your brother clean his room. He smiles and says yes. Ok so when are you going to clean yours? Mom I already did.
You already did? Let me see and as I start to go upstairs Brandon is grinning from ear to ear over this... and then says... Yes I shoved it all under my bed.
Road Trip
We went on a roadtrip last weekend to Springfield. Don went to work while I packed up the car and we figured we would be on the road by one o'clock.
Josh woke up telling me he needed breakfast because his throat hurt. How bad does your throat hurt? I just need food, so I took his temp. it was only at 99.5 and I thought he might be a bit tired because we have had some busy summer weeks and he really hasn't been sleeping long. He started crying when I even suggested holding off on the trip and going another time. He kept telling me he was fine and that he wanted to go. His throat "quit hurting" after this exchange.
So we leave and start the road trip, about an hour and half in to the ride we decide to stop and eat some lunch. Josh goes to the booth and lays down. He complains of a headache and doesn't want to eat. I force a french fry on him telling him he hasn't really eaten and that may be why his head aches. While I hand him the fry I touch his forehead.... yep, he is burning up.. I go and get the thermometer to take his temp. (I thought I should take it along on the trip just in case) so I take it, and yes his temperature is now 103.3, Time to turn around and go home. And yes, he ended up throwing up those fries on the drive back home. Yeah, love stopping on the highway holding a cup for a child.
By 8:00 in the evening, he ate and drank and was fine and his temp went back to 99.0. A short lived flu, but enough to take him down for a day. Saturday was calm with little activity and his temp rose a bit, so another day of rest was needed. Luckily the hotel believes in not charging until 4:00 the day of check in. We called to cancel at 3:35 pm.
Josh woke up telling me he needed breakfast because his throat hurt. How bad does your throat hurt? I just need food, so I took his temp. it was only at 99.5 and I thought he might be a bit tired because we have had some busy summer weeks and he really hasn't been sleeping long. He started crying when I even suggested holding off on the trip and going another time. He kept telling me he was fine and that he wanted to go. His throat "quit hurting" after this exchange.
So we leave and start the road trip, about an hour and half in to the ride we decide to stop and eat some lunch. Josh goes to the booth and lays down. He complains of a headache and doesn't want to eat. I force a french fry on him telling him he hasn't really eaten and that may be why his head aches. While I hand him the fry I touch his forehead.... yep, he is burning up.. I go and get the thermometer to take his temp. (I thought I should take it along on the trip just in case) so I take it, and yes his temperature is now 103.3, Time to turn around and go home. And yes, he ended up throwing up those fries on the drive back home. Yeah, love stopping on the highway holding a cup for a child.
By 8:00 in the evening, he ate and drank and was fine and his temp went back to 99.0. A short lived flu, but enough to take him down for a day. Saturday was calm with little activity and his temp rose a bit, so another day of rest was needed. Luckily the hotel believes in not charging until 4:00 the day of check in. We called to cancel at 3:35 pm.
New Meds
I hate posting of the new meds for Brandon, because then things take a strange turn. Anyway, we took him off the Adderall and he is completely on Strattera only. So far, his attention is fine not too distracted... still distracted but more like an 8 yr old. But the great news, he is eating. He might be hitting a growth spurt too which may be why he is eating too. Plus it is summer and a lot more hanging around time that he thinks he need food. Being that he is so skinny and it is not alway junk food... I am ok with it.
Monday, June 8, 2009
VBS
We are starting vacation bible school this morning. School just ended last Wednessday and between a few appts on Thurs and then picking up report cards on Friday I don't feel we have starting summer vacation. A picnic on Sunday and Saturday was the last of soccer.
I want those lazy days where you get up and decide what you are going to do. So far this summer I feel like I have been going going going and it is suppose to be summer break. I can't even take a moment to write a complete thought on the boys website.
I do know my boys are growing and becoming more assure of themselves and life around them. It is very enjoyable to watch and be a part of. Brandon wants to only take one part of his meds. I don't know if is because I told him a while ago the goal was to get to one pill or if he realizes the one pill is too much. I don't think he is capable of that but then I don't know.
I don't know how people can update their websites every day. I barely can get in these thoughts and type them. Some people I know even post pictures!! UGH I need to remember to bring a camera with me everywhere.
More later..... when I have time (ha ha ha)
I want those lazy days where you get up and decide what you are going to do. So far this summer I feel like I have been going going going and it is suppose to be summer break. I can't even take a moment to write a complete thought on the boys website.
I do know my boys are growing and becoming more assure of themselves and life around them. It is very enjoyable to watch and be a part of. Brandon wants to only take one part of his meds. I don't know if is because I told him a while ago the goal was to get to one pill or if he realizes the one pill is too much. I don't think he is capable of that but then I don't know.
I don't know how people can update their websites every day. I barely can get in these thoughts and type them. Some people I know even post pictures!! UGH I need to remember to bring a camera with me everywhere.
More later..... when I have time (ha ha ha)
Monday, May 18, 2009
FAE or something else?
I know I don't go into big details about Brandon, but there has always been something a bit off about him. No necessary in a bad way but in a way that makes you stop and think.
Anyway we went to a seminar yesterday about FASD-Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. Basically this problem is very broad and very hard to diagnose. So there (FA groups) are advocating to get some legislation to help kids. This is a disease that is not curable or fixable. It is brain damage from in-utero. Woman taking drugs or alcohol during pregnancy. Which is quite common in EE countries that we have adopted from.
These types of kids cannot process things the way we can. They have to learn everything for every situations and have to learn it over and over again. Telling a child not to talk to strangers is not good enough. You have to go to parks, museums, schools, playgrounds and repeat this over and over. They dont' get it they way you or I would. They live in a dream world which is how I would describe it. They can't grasp reality.
Luckily for us, Brandon is not as severe as some but not enough for the "average" person to figure out something is not right. So currently he is going through school about average. I think after being at this seminar, I am going to see this slip as time goes on. From what I learned. I think his services will go up and they will wonder why he used to get it and now he doesn't. I already talk to the school and I get a smile and a aha.. from them but they don't see or understand the depths of it. They don't disagree there is an issue but how bad or severe it is won't be known until later in life.
For instant, this am Brandon was going on and on about how his brother would not change the channel on the TV. He told me that he had asked his brother nicely and said please but Josh would not change the channel. So I explaine that if his brother is watching a show and he came in after it started his brother didn't need to change the channel. And that if he was watching TV and his brother came in and asked him to change the chaneel he would not have too either.
So in his mind he said that he didn't need to change the channel when his brother asked because he would remind him that when he had asked nicely his brother didn't change the channel so he won't have to change the channel. Not quit grasping the situation, or why his brother didn't have to change the channel. It is not about because his brother didn't so he wouldn't have too. It is about what happen before you came in the room. That is the part he doesn't grasp. Even with repitition. And before all kids are like that, it is different and if anyone has dealth with an FAE child they would get it. It is not the same.
Anyway we went to a seminar yesterday about FASD-Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. Basically this problem is very broad and very hard to diagnose. So there (FA groups) are advocating to get some legislation to help kids. This is a disease that is not curable or fixable. It is brain damage from in-utero. Woman taking drugs or alcohol during pregnancy. Which is quite common in EE countries that we have adopted from.
These types of kids cannot process things the way we can. They have to learn everything for every situations and have to learn it over and over again. Telling a child not to talk to strangers is not good enough. You have to go to parks, museums, schools, playgrounds and repeat this over and over. They dont' get it they way you or I would. They live in a dream world which is how I would describe it. They can't grasp reality.
Luckily for us, Brandon is not as severe as some but not enough for the "average" person to figure out something is not right. So currently he is going through school about average. I think after being at this seminar, I am going to see this slip as time goes on. From what I learned. I think his services will go up and they will wonder why he used to get it and now he doesn't. I already talk to the school and I get a smile and a aha.. from them but they don't see or understand the depths of it. They don't disagree there is an issue but how bad or severe it is won't be known until later in life.
For instant, this am Brandon was going on and on about how his brother would not change the channel on the TV. He told me that he had asked his brother nicely and said please but Josh would not change the channel. So I explaine that if his brother is watching a show and he came in after it started his brother didn't need to change the channel. And that if he was watching TV and his brother came in and asked him to change the chaneel he would not have too either.
So in his mind he said that he didn't need to change the channel when his brother asked because he would remind him that when he had asked nicely his brother didn't change the channel so he won't have to change the channel. Not quit grasping the situation, or why his brother didn't have to change the channel. It is not about because his brother didn't so he wouldn't have too. It is about what happen before you came in the room. That is the part he doesn't grasp. Even with repitition. And before all kids are like that, it is different and if anyone has dealth with an FAE child they would get it. It is not the same.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Learning new things
So at breakfast this morning, my dear son Brandon showed me the lastest thing he learned at school.
Displaying his middle finger.
I asked him what did that mean? (because he had a smile on his face a mile wide)..... and he said.. Showing your middle finger? I then asked who showed you? A boy in my class......... you know the child - the one that sits in the principle office sometimes.
Well, honey we don't show that finger. Why not? Because it really represents something we don't need to say to others.
So then what does Josh do? Show me his middle finger!! LOL
Displaying his middle finger.
I asked him what did that mean? (because he had a smile on his face a mile wide)..... and he said.. Showing your middle finger? I then asked who showed you? A boy in my class......... you know the child - the one that sits in the principle office sometimes.
Well, honey we don't show that finger. Why not? Because it really represents something we don't need to say to others.
So then what does Josh do? Show me his middle finger!! LOL
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Retreat
I went to a retreat last weekend and had an interesting time. I never realized my emotions were buried deep. However, they really weren't buried, they we not coming out. In other words, I have a voice and I need to use it. I come from a family where you didn't say much about feelings but you knew what the other were thinking. You just did, and if you didn't, someone would tell you. But now I have learn you have to say your thoughts so people know. But you don't need to shout, and sometimes your feelings are your feelings, they just are and nothing more about it.
So when a child hits that cord in you and you want to shout, you need to stop and breathe. Something from your past makes you "freeze" and "react" however, children with special needs due to adoption backgrounds are not going to respond when you "react" they fight. They learn from you by being influence by you and teaching. So I learn to stop take a breath and think about my feelings, let it be and then to Not put my feelings on the child but to be with the child in the now to help him. So if Brandon acts out, instead of screaming at him "reacting" just to stop and breath to have my "feelings" and then to move on and help Brandon through his.. be in the moment/now. We did an exercise where I was angry and my coaches told me it was ok to be angry and I was safe... boy did that hit home. I could honestly relax and feel my body be angry. I also realized the many times I have held Brandon and said those words, "ok to be angry" and "you are safe" and I realize how much those words with touch can help you. It is very calming.
I also learned that it is ok for me to be happy. To enjoy the moments I have with my kids and not to worry when the other shoe will fall. To be in the now and relax and enjoy and be happy and in the now with my boys, spouse etc. The happiness might end but I can be ok with that. If my spouse is not happy I can still be happy. Those are his feelings, not mine.
So when a child hits that cord in you and you want to shout, you need to stop and breathe. Something from your past makes you "freeze" and "react" however, children with special needs due to adoption backgrounds are not going to respond when you "react" they fight. They learn from you by being influence by you and teaching. So I learn to stop take a breath and think about my feelings, let it be and then to Not put my feelings on the child but to be with the child in the now to help him. So if Brandon acts out, instead of screaming at him "reacting" just to stop and breath to have my "feelings" and then to move on and help Brandon through his.. be in the moment/now. We did an exercise where I was angry and my coaches told me it was ok to be angry and I was safe... boy did that hit home. I could honestly relax and feel my body be angry. I also realized the many times I have held Brandon and said those words, "ok to be angry" and "you are safe" and I realize how much those words with touch can help you. It is very calming.
I also learned that it is ok for me to be happy. To enjoy the moments I have with my kids and not to worry when the other shoe will fall. To be in the now and relax and enjoy and be happy and in the now with my boys, spouse etc. The happiness might end but I can be ok with that. If my spouse is not happy I can still be happy. Those are his feelings, not mine.
Ramblings, flu and summer
The schools have been closed for the last two days due to the Swine Flu. Now the CDC says, hey you don't need to close the schools. Oh well, we were getting out on a Monday but now it moves to Wednessday. I guess I would rather have three days used in a week for school versus one. What do you do with one day of school left and it is on a Monday?
But if the last few days are any indication on how our summer is going to be... I have to set some serious rules for the boys. Getting out 5 things without putting anything back is going to drive me crazy. So I think some rules as to the number of things to do before they move on will be enforced. Having friends over and eating me out of house and home and then complain to me when they have to go to the grocery store....
I think we are at the age where a bit of responsibility on them is in order. And practicing how to be polite to one another. The "I hate my brother" is a bit old and troublesome to me. I remember hating my siblings growing up and fighting but this is a whole new level for me.
Starting new meds with Brandon, the 15 mg was too much and the 10 mg is not enough, so we will go to the lower level of 10mg and start the Stratera (?) since the Stratera takes about 6 weeks to fully get into his system. Supposedly this will help with his inabiltiy to sleep. I would always find a reason, birthday, Easter but I think it is the meds.
But if the last few days are any indication on how our summer is going to be... I have to set some serious rules for the boys. Getting out 5 things without putting anything back is going to drive me crazy. So I think some rules as to the number of things to do before they move on will be enforced. Having friends over and eating me out of house and home and then complain to me when they have to go to the grocery store....
I think we are at the age where a bit of responsibility on them is in order. And practicing how to be polite to one another. The "I hate my brother" is a bit old and troublesome to me. I remember hating my siblings growing up and fighting but this is a whole new level for me.
Starting new meds with Brandon, the 15 mg was too much and the 10 mg is not enough, so we will go to the lower level of 10mg and start the Stratera (?) since the Stratera takes about 6 weeks to fully get into his system. Supposedly this will help with his inabiltiy to sleep. I would always find a reason, birthday, Easter but I think it is the meds.
Monday, April 27, 2009
He might be getting it.
I haven't written in awhile because nothing too eventful. Just the usual stuff, Brandon crashes from his medicine and has a fit and throws a tantrum. We are getting better at handling them and trying to work him through it.
However, on some levels, Brandon is using appropriate words to things. He is stating things like I hate when you do that or this because it makes me feel sad, bad, mad, or uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? Yes, he is saying uncomfortable and miserable or feeling hurt inside. This is amazing since his vocabulary is huge but he never could really communicate what he is truly feeling inside. Now he is. So now to help him grow more in this Don and I have to acknowledge this and not say anything more.
It makes him uncomfortable when we have to remind him, so we have to say we are sorry you were uncomfortable or sad, and nothing more. You really want to say "well if you would focus and stay on task or do it when you are told or whatever" it is a mute point. He can't understand more than that we acknowledge his feelings. So to strenghten our relationship with him.. the only thing we can do is to acknowlege and empathize. He won't understand why we say things to him or what he could do not to get to that place of uncomfortablenesss, he is not ready. He just needs to know we understand him and his feelings. How long do we need to do this? I would say awhile before we can help him or offer him some more advice on how to handle things. It is like teaching a two year old, lots of baby steps. It is just remembering not to say too much.
It is true less is more. This is really true with a child with ADHD and other issues. What exactly is Brandon's other issues? We are not really sure. We are letting things run their course and see how he develops.
Joshua is so typical. Right now he wants to play with the older kids and when I talked to him about this he said he is tired of being the little guy. Playing with the older , bigger guys makes him feel older and taller. I guess he is the shortest kid in his class (I don't think so) and everyone is calling him little man. He is so darn cute though I don't notice how little he is. But he does and I am sure this brings us lots of mixed emotions for him as to wondering about his birth family. Why is he so short? He is not tiny he is short and I am wondering about hormone shots but that would be painful from what I understand. He was so malnorished when he came home that it does effect him through life. He has grown a lot this year so far but still not quit on the height scale. It makes him angry sometimes. Again understanding this and big hugs help him through it.
However, on some levels, Brandon is using appropriate words to things. He is stating things like I hate when you do that or this because it makes me feel sad, bad, mad, or uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? Yes, he is saying uncomfortable and miserable or feeling hurt inside. This is amazing since his vocabulary is huge but he never could really communicate what he is truly feeling inside. Now he is. So now to help him grow more in this Don and I have to acknowledge this and not say anything more.
It makes him uncomfortable when we have to remind him, so we have to say we are sorry you were uncomfortable or sad, and nothing more. You really want to say "well if you would focus and stay on task or do it when you are told or whatever" it is a mute point. He can't understand more than that we acknowledge his feelings. So to strenghten our relationship with him.. the only thing we can do is to acknowlege and empathize. He won't understand why we say things to him or what he could do not to get to that place of uncomfortablenesss, he is not ready. He just needs to know we understand him and his feelings. How long do we need to do this? I would say awhile before we can help him or offer him some more advice on how to handle things. It is like teaching a two year old, lots of baby steps. It is just remembering not to say too much.
It is true less is more. This is really true with a child with ADHD and other issues. What exactly is Brandon's other issues? We are not really sure. We are letting things run their course and see how he develops.
Joshua is so typical. Right now he wants to play with the older kids and when I talked to him about this he said he is tired of being the little guy. Playing with the older , bigger guys makes him feel older and taller. I guess he is the shortest kid in his class (I don't think so) and everyone is calling him little man. He is so darn cute though I don't notice how little he is. But he does and I am sure this brings us lots of mixed emotions for him as to wondering about his birth family. Why is he so short? He is not tiny he is short and I am wondering about hormone shots but that would be painful from what I understand. He was so malnorished when he came home that it does effect him through life. He has grown a lot this year so far but still not quit on the height scale. It makes him angry sometimes. Again understanding this and big hugs help him through it.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Action Heroes
My boys love to dress up and play... they are Batman, Pirates and Indiana... They used to love being Fireman. I am beginning to wonder if they will grow up and do some type of work as a policeman or fireman or detective. I can buy a clearance costume for under $4.00 and they will have fun for hours. I guess it is better than playing on the Wii or computer games. Just had to show off a photo.
Monday, March 23, 2009
One Birthday Down
It is not like I am against birthdays or birthday parties I love them. It is just when this one birthday party takes a child to a whole new level of parenting I have to stop and think. Brandon had his 8th birthday on the 15th,. We have been through many struggles with Brandon and this year, for the first time, Brandon really understood what his birthday meant. This meant for him that he would have birthday presents and he even asked for a birthday party. What is so special about that? He never even knew when his birthday was before or what it really meant. He was excited for it and he started counting down for it.
Unfortunately he was so excited he couldn't take it. He couldn't sleep about three weeks before his birthday and then he was very upset when I couldn't schedule his bowling birthday party until the 22nd. "That is not my birthday date" but he slowly adapted. Although he couldn't sleep well and was very restless until the big day I have to say for his birthday party he was a great little host. He bowled and was not controlling, shared the lane with friends. He thanked everyone for his gifts as he open them ( a bit of coaching prior by mom) but he remembered and was very happy with all his gifts. He even was helpful in handing out the goody bags I had made up. At first, he wanted all the bags, he didn't quit get that he would get presents and they got the bag. But he did and he was an true 8 year old.
This is when you have to stop and think of progress. Josh understood his birthday at 4 and that family got him gifts and sang to him and that you need birthday candles... or as he used to call them "dunnies".. had a bit of a speech problem. But even with a speech problem he could communicate what he wanted. It was nice to see Brandon trying to communicate what he wanted. He got a bit upset at times because he could not put into words or thoughts of what he needed but he is learning. He was like a four year old at times this past month and yet he was an 8 year old.
Unfortunately he was so excited he couldn't take it. He couldn't sleep about three weeks before his birthday and then he was very upset when I couldn't schedule his bowling birthday party until the 22nd. "That is not my birthday date" but he slowly adapted. Although he couldn't sleep well and was very restless until the big day I have to say for his birthday party he was a great little host. He bowled and was not controlling, shared the lane with friends. He thanked everyone for his gifts as he open them ( a bit of coaching prior by mom) but he remembered and was very happy with all his gifts. He even was helpful in handing out the goody bags I had made up. At first, he wanted all the bags, he didn't quit get that he would get presents and they got the bag. But he did and he was an true 8 year old.
This is when you have to stop and think of progress. Josh understood his birthday at 4 and that family got him gifts and sang to him and that you need birthday candles... or as he used to call them "dunnies".. had a bit of a speech problem. But even with a speech problem he could communicate what he wanted. It was nice to see Brandon trying to communicate what he wanted. He got a bit upset at times because he could not put into words or thoughts of what he needed but he is learning. He was like a four year old at times this past month and yet he was an 8 year old.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
George George George
OK so our big cat George is technically an indoor cat. We got him from the Humane Society so they prefer to keep them indoors. However, when you live by fields and the other cat goes outside everyday, it is a losing battle. BUT this cat everytime he goes out, George ends up injuring himself. I don't like to let him go outside. As Spring has come I have been letting him out as I take the boys to the school bus and then bring him in when I return. It has been cold enough that he wants out for a bit. Well the other morning I let him out earlier in the dark because it was warm out and the other cat wanted out so bad so I sent both.
George did not come home.
I had to go to a seminar and I didn't want to miss it, and I called everywhere. Looked through the fields, I mean he had only been gone an hour how far can he go? Far away I guess, and I could not locate him. I was bumming and figure he would turn up while I was gone. No show. Then in the evening we looked and looked and looked. No George. I went to the neighbors and no has seen him. I went to the cranky neighbors (long story) You begin to wonder if someone has taken him in. He is very friendly. I even called the sanitary dept. to make sure they have not picked up white road kill.
Two nights in a row without the cat coming home. Two nights of staying up and checking every two or three hours to see if he is at the back door to come in.
Finally this morning, he came home. He was gone almost 48 hrs. And yes he wanted out again today and I am like "no way". I need sleep.
George did not come home.
I had to go to a seminar and I didn't want to miss it, and I called everywhere. Looked through the fields, I mean he had only been gone an hour how far can he go? Far away I guess, and I could not locate him. I was bumming and figure he would turn up while I was gone. No show. Then in the evening we looked and looked and looked. No George. I went to the neighbors and no has seen him. I went to the cranky neighbors (long story) You begin to wonder if someone has taken him in. He is very friendly. I even called the sanitary dept. to make sure they have not picked up white road kill.
Two nights in a row without the cat coming home. Two nights of staying up and checking every two or three hours to see if he is at the back door to come in.
Finally this morning, he came home. He was gone almost 48 hrs. And yes he wanted out again today and I am like "no way". I need sleep.
Monday, March 9, 2009
School Bus
So this morning Josh is being a real pill. He is having an attitude with me this morning. I know he is upset that he has to go to shool and his brother is staying home to go to the doctors. He is also a bit mad because I won't let him have hot lunch and I won't let him eat breakfast at school. I am sorry but I am not going to pay money so he can have a breakfast bar, I have them here.
After asking him twice if he wants two sandwiches (they are small) he starts to cry. I ask him what is wrong and go over to hug him. He yells "don't touch me" and I pick him up to hold him and he lets out a big wail I mean a loud wail that wakes up his brother. He puts his head on my shoulder and starts to really cry.
He then wants to stay home with me and not go to school etc.. after a bit of coaxing I get him to tell me the reall problem. He is being bullied on the school bus. The kids he has to sit next to are mean to him they take his hat and call him short and other things that kids do. So I ask if he tells the bus driver and he said no, but he has hit him back "not real hard" but I tell him that is not good.
After we discuss the situation and what he can do instead on the bus to help him he feels a bit better. Then I offer to take him to school today. THis makes him happier, he might need a little help from Mom today and feel special with his brother staying home.. Besides we are running out of time and his brother is awake now anyway.
So on the drive to school, Josh tells me how last year he got moved on the bus. Why were you moved Josh, I got into a fight. WHAT? So who is the bully here?
I am sure he does not help the situation, but I don't think he is starting it. I had to explain it is tough for me to argue that you are being bullied when you are being moved for hitting. So he is not alowed to hit, but to say to the other kid "please stop" and then tell the bus driver. I think I have to be a bit more attentive to what is going on on the bus. I wish I could be a fly on the wall to find out what is going on. I will let you know.
After asking him twice if he wants two sandwiches (they are small) he starts to cry. I ask him what is wrong and go over to hug him. He yells "don't touch me" and I pick him up to hold him and he lets out a big wail I mean a loud wail that wakes up his brother. He puts his head on my shoulder and starts to really cry.
He then wants to stay home with me and not go to school etc.. after a bit of coaxing I get him to tell me the reall problem. He is being bullied on the school bus. The kids he has to sit next to are mean to him they take his hat and call him short and other things that kids do. So I ask if he tells the bus driver and he said no, but he has hit him back "not real hard" but I tell him that is not good.
After we discuss the situation and what he can do instead on the bus to help him he feels a bit better. Then I offer to take him to school today. THis makes him happier, he might need a little help from Mom today and feel special with his brother staying home.. Besides we are running out of time and his brother is awake now anyway.
So on the drive to school, Josh tells me how last year he got moved on the bus. Why were you moved Josh, I got into a fight. WHAT? So who is the bully here?
I am sure he does not help the situation, but I don't think he is starting it. I had to explain it is tough for me to argue that you are being bullied when you are being moved for hitting. So he is not alowed to hit, but to say to the other kid "please stop" and then tell the bus driver. I think I have to be a bit more attentive to what is going on on the bus. I wish I could be a fly on the wall to find out what is going on. I will let you know.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Typical Morning?
OK so as usually Brandon is very distracted and cannot seem to get ready for school. I am getting frustrated but staying calm. He had to take a quick bath this morning and well an added step in a routine is not good for an ADHD child.
Anyway while I keep following up on him, Josh is running around the house with a new backpack which really isn't a new backpack but one he used to use and decided that he should start using it again. As I am being disstracted by Brandon I am not really paying attention to Josh as he mumbles something and goes downstairs with his backpack.
So when I get downstairs a bit frustrated at Brandon because now I really have to keep him focus which can be exausting because you have to stay calm and focus for him...
Then I go downstairs to find Josh has been cutting his backpack. Why is he cutting his backpack??? Josh wants only one shoulder strap that he can place over his body cross ways, like over one shoulder and then across his front with one strap not two. So in his mind he should just cut off the other strap. He was like Mom can you cut this off? I just started to laugh and told him that it isn't necessary to cut off the strap but to keep it "in case" someday he might want to use it as a backpack.
All you can do is laugh. One is keeping you on your toes and the other child you let wander about because he can make some smart decisions but sometimes you need to stop and really pay attention to the other one. Luckily he wasn't in the mood to cut his bangs.
Anyway while I keep following up on him, Josh is running around the house with a new backpack which really isn't a new backpack but one he used to use and decided that he should start using it again. As I am being disstracted by Brandon I am not really paying attention to Josh as he mumbles something and goes downstairs with his backpack.
So when I get downstairs a bit frustrated at Brandon because now I really have to keep him focus which can be exausting because you have to stay calm and focus for him...
Then I go downstairs to find Josh has been cutting his backpack. Why is he cutting his backpack??? Josh wants only one shoulder strap that he can place over his body cross ways, like over one shoulder and then across his front with one strap not two. So in his mind he should just cut off the other strap. He was like Mom can you cut this off? I just started to laugh and told him that it isn't necessary to cut off the strap but to keep it "in case" someday he might want to use it as a backpack.
All you can do is laugh. One is keeping you on your toes and the other child you let wander about because he can make some smart decisions but sometimes you need to stop and really pay attention to the other one. Luckily he wasn't in the mood to cut his bangs.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Meds, Birthday, Wii
OK, so for the last few weeks Brandon has been extremely restless. I mean not falling asleep until 10-10:30 at night. We still do the bedtime routine at 8:00 and hope and prayer he will sleep. We gave up trying to force it on him. We just told him that if he could not sleep instead of running around the house and being disruptive that he could stay in his room and do something quiet. He could read a book, play with his toys anything as long as it was in his room and would not be loud to keep his brother awake. That seem to work a few nights he would be up late and then he learn to put him self to sleep by 9:00 to 9:30. Improvement but not long lasting.
So then I got to thinking maybe it is the Wii, it seems everytime he plays extended time on the Wii he was not going to sleep. Or so the corrolation seems to be. Then we notice he was yelling and screaming more when he talks to us or rude and very mean to his brother. Talking with another mother with a child that has similar issues we realized playing video games brought out the ugly side of our children. Which is sad, becasue with a child with ADHD, video games are one thing they do focus on. However, that also can stimulate some part of the brain so it won't shut off and then the child becomes very disresptful... so you have to limit the game playing. Being that Brandon has other issues it might be too much for him.
I also wonder if the meds are too much for him. So last night as he is restless again and he can't sleep I try talking to him. What is going on Brandon, why can't you sleep? And Brandon tells me that he is so excited for his birthday party. He can't sleep. So simple.
A few years ago, Brandon would be so excited for Santa that he would not be able to sleep in the month of December, he would be this restless. We learn to help him by giving him some help with a tsp of Benadryl. Many people do this, I don't recommend this but it has helped us have a better holiday season when he could sleep.
Unfortunately, children with ADHD, attachment and issues have a very hard time with time concepts. So for them to wait, they really cannot. It can be very draining. Plus with little sleep it makes it worse. I am sure it is also a combo of the Wii and meds but you need to focus on one thing at a time. I will see how things go and the little bottle of Benadryl might have to be used.
As for school, things are going better. I am meeting with his teacher once a week and I am feeling better about him moving up a grade. I used to worry so much about it and now I am feeling better about it. He is a very smart child.
Speaking of smart, guess how smart Josh is... OK so he has a substitute teacher last week. So for the first night he is suppose to do his math facts. But he forgot his math flashcards at school so he can't do it. If his teacher was there and he had forgotten, he would have to have flipped his card for forgetting his work. However, he had a sub and she won't check if they brought them home or not and he knows he won't have to flip his card. So why bring it home? He knew what he had to do and what he could get away with. I call him my little stinker with a smile.
So then I got to thinking maybe it is the Wii, it seems everytime he plays extended time on the Wii he was not going to sleep. Or so the corrolation seems to be. Then we notice he was yelling and screaming more when he talks to us or rude and very mean to his brother. Talking with another mother with a child that has similar issues we realized playing video games brought out the ugly side of our children. Which is sad, becasue with a child with ADHD, video games are one thing they do focus on. However, that also can stimulate some part of the brain so it won't shut off and then the child becomes very disresptful... so you have to limit the game playing. Being that Brandon has other issues it might be too much for him.
I also wonder if the meds are too much for him. So last night as he is restless again and he can't sleep I try talking to him. What is going on Brandon, why can't you sleep? And Brandon tells me that he is so excited for his birthday party. He can't sleep. So simple.
A few years ago, Brandon would be so excited for Santa that he would not be able to sleep in the month of December, he would be this restless. We learn to help him by giving him some help with a tsp of Benadryl. Many people do this, I don't recommend this but it has helped us have a better holiday season when he could sleep.
Unfortunately, children with ADHD, attachment and issues have a very hard time with time concepts. So for them to wait, they really cannot. It can be very draining. Plus with little sleep it makes it worse. I am sure it is also a combo of the Wii and meds but you need to focus on one thing at a time. I will see how things go and the little bottle of Benadryl might have to be used.
As for school, things are going better. I am meeting with his teacher once a week and I am feeling better about him moving up a grade. I used to worry so much about it and now I am feeling better about it. He is a very smart child.
Speaking of smart, guess how smart Josh is... OK so he has a substitute teacher last week. So for the first night he is suppose to do his math facts. But he forgot his math flashcards at school so he can't do it. If his teacher was there and he had forgotten, he would have to have flipped his card for forgetting his work. However, he had a sub and she won't check if they brought them home or not and he knows he won't have to flip his card. So why bring it home? He knew what he had to do and what he could get away with. I call him my little stinker with a smile.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The Best Day Ever
Well we made it to the dells and had a great time. The boys didn't want to stop swimming so we spent the entire day in the water. We forgot to bring our camera and then decided we have been there enough we really didn't need to capture it. Then I am thinking, that is really dumb because we do need to capture the moments where your kids get along and are willing to try anything.
Josh is my cautious one, and won't try new things... but we push him enough he will try. And of course the minute you are done on a new water ride the first thing out of his mouth is "cool, can we do it again." Why don't your kids trust you the first time?
Brandon went on a ride that he was barely tall enough for and it ending up scaring him he got angry at his dad. Then after we got home and he thinks about his trip he decided the scary ride was the best thing ever.
Both boys were a bit tired yesterday and mad that the fun was all over. Now I have to teach them how to appreciate what they got.....................
Josh is my cautious one, and won't try new things... but we push him enough he will try. And of course the minute you are done on a new water ride the first thing out of his mouth is "cool, can we do it again." Why don't your kids trust you the first time?
Brandon went on a ride that he was barely tall enough for and it ending up scaring him he got angry at his dad. Then after we got home and he thinks about his trip he decided the scary ride was the best thing ever.
Both boys were a bit tired yesterday and mad that the fun was all over. Now I have to teach them how to appreciate what they got.....................
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Nothing on Sat
Well so far my weekend is not going as planned. Due do the snow storm that blew in late on Friday night into Saturday morning we decided not to go out early Saturday for the basketball game. I wasn't ready to drive in snow covered roads and see accidents or be in one. I am horrible when the weather gets bad and I have to drive. So we decided not to go to the basketball game. Which gave me more time to get ready for the Cultural Event.
However, some of the entertainers were North of us where the storm was worse and couldn't make it so we ended up cancelling the event to a later date. Don't know when it will be but later. It took the group almost two hours to decide if we should have the event or not. Then you have to stop and think of the kids, being on the roads and was it really worth it when things were so crappy. A very hard decision for all of us to make. But one I think after we made it, we were glad. I know we made a good decision when I was sitting at the computer and looked out the window and saw the snow coming down sideways due to the wind... and thought to myself there is no way I would want to drive in that.
Now we are suppose to get ready and go to the dells, however my dear husband and son (the one that can't sleep) are still sleeping............. to wake them up or not to wake them.
However, some of the entertainers were North of us where the storm was worse and couldn't make it so we ended up cancelling the event to a later date. Don't know when it will be but later. It took the group almost two hours to decide if we should have the event or not. Then you have to stop and think of the kids, being on the roads and was it really worth it when things were so crappy. A very hard decision for all of us to make. But one I think after we made it, we were glad. I know we made a good decision when I was sitting at the computer and looked out the window and saw the snow coming down sideways due to the wind... and thought to myself there is no way I would want to drive in that.
Now we are suppose to get ready and go to the dells, however my dear husband and son (the one that can't sleep) are still sleeping............. to wake them up or not to wake them.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
just life
OK, so I am taking the boys to choir practice last night and get half way there and almost end up in an accident. Why can't the city put down salt on busy roads when the weather changes from above freezing to below in a matter of minutes and snow and ice are accumulating on the roads. Why do they wait until there are accidents all over the place when the city realizes.. hmm maybe we should salt the icy roads. If they could be a bit pro active. I know we are low on salt but quickly doing the main roads will help, this way many people can get home safely.
We were almost in one accident and saw two accidents on the way home. I couldn't believe how quickly the roads were covered in sheets of ice and still people drive like the roads are dry and will ride your tail thinking you will speed up on icy roads. EERRRRRRRRRRRRR
Josh is feeling better, but he was very tired this morning because we got home later than usual last night. But I made him go to school, and I hope he is feeling ok. I would hate for him to relaspe and have to stay home this weekend. We are planning a big trip to the dells. Also, I didn't give Brandon his meds this morning. He has not fallen asleep until almost ten the last few nights and I don't know if it is because of his meds or playing the Wii or just worried about school. So we thought we would go a day without meds to see if he can cope and sleep tonight.
It is going to be a busy weekend. We have a basketball tournament and then we are going to a Cultural Event that I help put together with other adoptive moms. I will be making some borsht for it and other moms bring different food from various cultures or countries. It is fun to taste food from all over. Plus lots of desserts!! We also have some entertainment and crafts for the kids. Then we leave for the dells..
But now I just heard they is a snow storm coming this weekend!! AGH!
We were almost in one accident and saw two accidents on the way home. I couldn't believe how quickly the roads were covered in sheets of ice and still people drive like the roads are dry and will ride your tail thinking you will speed up on icy roads. EERRRRRRRRRRRRR
Josh is feeling better, but he was very tired this morning because we got home later than usual last night. But I made him go to school, and I hope he is feeling ok. I would hate for him to relaspe and have to stay home this weekend. We are planning a big trip to the dells. Also, I didn't give Brandon his meds this morning. He has not fallen asleep until almost ten the last few nights and I don't know if it is because of his meds or playing the Wii or just worried about school. So we thought we would go a day without meds to see if he can cope and sleep tonight.
It is going to be a busy weekend. We have a basketball tournament and then we are going to a Cultural Event that I help put together with other adoptive moms. I will be making some borsht for it and other moms bring different food from various cultures or countries. It is fun to taste food from all over. Plus lots of desserts!! We also have some entertainment and crafts for the kids. Then we leave for the dells..
But now I just heard they is a snow storm coming this weekend!! AGH!
Friday, February 13, 2009
I have a clean house
Why do I have a clean house?? Because I have had a sick kid home all week. Yep it would be Josh. His fever was gone and coughing was less so off to school he goes. Then that evening his fever comes back and it is at 102.3... and the coughing gets worse. I guess I should have waited a day more before sending him back. This headline should be I screwed up... but you never really know with kids.
So I take Josh to the doctor yesterday and they check him out, he has Bronchitis and tested positive for the Flu or Influenza. I didn't know they had a test for it but they do, not the throw up kind but the fever and aches... So now I have a longer road a head of me. The Dr thinks he really started on Wed. Eve, not last Saturday like I had hoped. He had just been home with a bad cold. So now we have another week at home. Which is why I have a clean house. There is so much TV a person can watch and after seeing a movie once I am done. So while he lays around being miserable I am cleaning things that I never have and getting my house in order. Partly because I am home and need things to do (even though I am a SAHM)... and to keep the germs away from the rest of the family. Sigh.. I think all my kitchen cupbords will be organized by next week.
So I take Josh to the doctor yesterday and they check him out, he has Bronchitis and tested positive for the Flu or Influenza. I didn't know they had a test for it but they do, not the throw up kind but the fever and aches... So now I have a longer road a head of me. The Dr thinks he really started on Wed. Eve, not last Saturday like I had hoped. He had just been home with a bad cold. So now we have another week at home. Which is why I have a clean house. There is so much TV a person can watch and after seeing a movie once I am done. So while he lays around being miserable I am cleaning things that I never have and getting my house in order. Partly because I am home and need things to do (even though I am a SAHM)... and to keep the germs away from the rest of the family. Sigh.. I think all my kitchen cupbords will be organized by next week.
Monday, February 9, 2009
I am bad and I am good
So Josh runs a small fever all weekend his cough gets worse and this morning he says.."see Mom if you just let me stay home on Friday I wouldn't be sick today." Guess maybe I should listen to him.
Now getting Brandon ready this morning..... we had a bit of a problem. He wants to know why he doesn't get to stay home sick. Well honey you are not sick.
Now for the way Brandon handles things, it is just amazing and strange. He was in my arms this morning and was smiling at me looking into me eyes and we had our foreheads pressed together and then he took his head back slightly and popped me on the forehead with his… not hard but not necessary. So I set him down and told him that you don't head bang people at all. He then would not look at me or give me any eye contact and when I tried to explain it to him he would totally ignore me and look away. He was very uncomfortable. So I pulled him back on my lap and held him and told him I understood he would be embarrassed and not want to talk to me, but that he had to listen to me so that he could learn how to do things and not be so silly. I then placed my forehead on his and smiled and he would not look at me and so I told him I would not let go until he looked at me and he did and had to smile and I said if you really enjoyed this moment you need to give me a kiss or hug and not head bang me.
It is amazing how his mind works, he wants to enhance the moment but he does it the wrong way or inappropriate way and that can get very tiresome and sad. But you try to make these moments work and improve the relationship for you and for him to learn.
Now getting Brandon ready this morning..... we had a bit of a problem. He wants to know why he doesn't get to stay home sick. Well honey you are not sick.
Now for the way Brandon handles things, it is just amazing and strange. He was in my arms this morning and was smiling at me looking into me eyes and we had our foreheads pressed together and then he took his head back slightly and popped me on the forehead with his… not hard but not necessary. So I set him down and told him that you don't head bang people at all. He then would not look at me or give me any eye contact and when I tried to explain it to him he would totally ignore me and look away. He was very uncomfortable. So I pulled him back on my lap and held him and told him I understood he would be embarrassed and not want to talk to me, but that he had to listen to me so that he could learn how to do things and not be so silly. I then placed my forehead on his and smiled and he would not look at me and so I told him I would not let go until he looked at me and he did and had to smile and I said if you really enjoyed this moment you need to give me a kiss or hug and not head bang me.
It is amazing how his mind works, he wants to enhance the moment but he does it the wrong way or inappropriate way and that can get very tiresome and sad. But you try to make these moments work and improve the relationship for you and for him to learn.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Meeting at school
OK so now we had the meeting at school and it turns out Brandon is doing much better than we evern realize. Part of that is because his teacher is not communicating much to us about how he is doing and it is really hard to talk to her to create a communication. But now we are going to communication every Thursday for about 5 minutes about the week. This way I know what is happening with him and I can get a better feel on how he is doing.
Josh on the other hand claimed to have a sore throat this morning. So I took his temperature and of course he hass no fever, so I sent him off to school. I am having the school nurse look at him to see if his throat is red but I am not expecting a call. If I do I will feel like the worst mother ever, but he has had a sick day the last few weeks on Tues or Wed, so I am thinking there is something he doesn't like doing and I don't have a clue what it could be. He says he loves school so I don't think it is that terrible, but most likeely extra work. Time will tell.
Josh on the other hand claimed to have a sore throat this morning. So I took his temperature and of course he hass no fever, so I sent him off to school. I am having the school nurse look at him to see if his throat is red but I am not expecting a call. If I do I will feel like the worst mother ever, but he has had a sick day the last few weeks on Tues or Wed, so I am thinking there is something he doesn't like doing and I don't have a clue what it could be. He says he loves school so I don't think it is that terrible, but most likeely extra work. Time will tell.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Let it Out
This morning Joshua had a no holds bar fit this am. It started out as goofing around that got out of hand. Partly due to me and partly because he is 7 and doens't know when to stop. But I thought letting him scream and fight and get really angry he would feel better and move on.
Yes and no it worked. Didn't want to give me a kiss before he left for school and when the bus came he ran to be first in line. Then he looked over at me with that ha I don't need you look and I am going to get on the bus and there is nothing you can do... but after the bus doors open he stopped and started letting the other kids on the bus and he started toward the end of the line. He looked up at me and I went straight over and gave him a big kiss and hug and told him I loved him. I will see him later today at school so we shall see how the rest of the day goes.
It has been a week and I still don't know when the next meeting on Brandon is going to be. But the teacher will not help me on the meds that Brandon takes, she says she can't really say if they work or not, it will take more time. Uhm huh? He has been on them for two months and how much do you need? Even if we just switch the type of brand of medicine, she can't tell me if it has made any difference. So I am confused on what to do at this point. I think they need to be upped and may give it a try. Brandon's one on one teacher says she see improvement but he still is very distracted.
Yes and no it worked. Didn't want to give me a kiss before he left for school and when the bus came he ran to be first in line. Then he looked over at me with that ha I don't need you look and I am going to get on the bus and there is nothing you can do... but after the bus doors open he stopped and started letting the other kids on the bus and he started toward the end of the line. He looked up at me and I went straight over and gave him a big kiss and hug and told him I loved him. I will see him later today at school so we shall see how the rest of the day goes.
It has been a week and I still don't know when the next meeting on Brandon is going to be. But the teacher will not help me on the meds that Brandon takes, she says she can't really say if they work or not, it will take more time. Uhm huh? He has been on them for two months and how much do you need? Even if we just switch the type of brand of medicine, she can't tell me if it has made any difference. So I am confused on what to do at this point. I think they need to be upped and may give it a try. Brandon's one on one teacher says she see improvement but he still is very distracted.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
-5 Today
We are waking up to a -5 degree day, without wind chill. It is only going to be a high of -5 today.
Which stinks because this is the second time we have schedule a meeting with the school to discuss Brandon. The first meeting was held last Friday but had to be cancelled because his teacher called in sick that day. It was also a really bad snow day too. But at least Don and I got to sit around and talk with the one on one teacher and the social worker. So now we have to reschedule AGAIN.
Howeer, we did get the psycologist eval to review for the next meeting and nothing on there surprised us in fact this is the best part. Under the header Testing Observation:
Brandon came with the examiner for testing on one occasion. He presented as friendly, cooperative, and talkative. Rapport was easily established and maintained throughout testing. At times, Brandon needed some re-direction, as his attention seemed to shift to items and objects around the examiner’s room. Brandon often was observed to talk while he worked. Overall, the results of testing appear to be valid for the purpose of addressing the reason for referral.
Brandon stated that he does not like school that much. Being that Brandon was tested around Thanksgiving, he was very eager to talk about how much he likes Turkey. He then proceeded to tell the examiner that he also likes eating macaroni and cheese. Brandon also told the examiner that he and his brother Josh “broke up.” He said that they do not like each other anymore.
I had to laugh because Brandon hates turkey and doesn't eat any meat, and the relationship with his brother is priceless.
Which stinks because this is the second time we have schedule a meeting with the school to discuss Brandon. The first meeting was held last Friday but had to be cancelled because his teacher called in sick that day. It was also a really bad snow day too. But at least Don and I got to sit around and talk with the one on one teacher and the social worker. So now we have to reschedule AGAIN.
Howeer, we did get the psycologist eval to review for the next meeting and nothing on there surprised us in fact this is the best part. Under the header Testing Observation:
Brandon came with the examiner for testing on one occasion. He presented as friendly, cooperative, and talkative. Rapport was easily established and maintained throughout testing. At times, Brandon needed some re-direction, as his attention seemed to shift to items and objects around the examiner’s room. Brandon often was observed to talk while he worked. Overall, the results of testing appear to be valid for the purpose of addressing the reason for referral.
Brandon stated that he does not like school that much. Being that Brandon was tested around Thanksgiving, he was very eager to talk about how much he likes Turkey. He then proceeded to tell the examiner that he also likes eating macaroni and cheese. Brandon also told the examiner that he and his brother Josh “broke up.” He said that they do not like each other anymore.
I had to laugh because Brandon hates turkey and doesn't eat any meat, and the relationship with his brother is priceless.
Monday, January 12, 2009
meds again
Ok so it was only been two days with the new medicine.... but this is what I notice.
Brandon was excitied to try something new, and it was a different color so that made it even more exciting... (yellow). I think he likes yellow because after the first day on Saturday of using it... he did say it helped him. Now he had no break downs and no major fits (fits but manageable) and he did seem to be more focused and willing to do things with us for us etc.
Then yesterday we asked him directly did he notice it helped and he said Yes they did and he wanted to take them. Does he like the color yellow???? Or a calm family time at home with the snow is what he needed.
However, one of our conversation went like this:
B “mom when are we getting the new shelves?”
M “It a couple of days”
B “So you mean in two days”
M “yes, it will be in two days”
B “So, today is Sunday so in two days that will be… Monday Tuesday. Tuesday right?
M “ yes on Tuesday we will get the new furniture.”
I was impressed he knew a couple of days were two and that the days of the week, what day it was and how long two day would take. This is a very different conversation than we normally would have. He could never tell you the day of the week even with lots of prompting. And now he figured it all out on his own.
Today he will come home from school so this will be interesting. Keep you posted.
Brandon was excitied to try something new, and it was a different color so that made it even more exciting... (yellow). I think he likes yellow because after the first day on Saturday of using it... he did say it helped him. Now he had no break downs and no major fits (fits but manageable) and he did seem to be more focused and willing to do things with us for us etc.
Then yesterday we asked him directly did he notice it helped and he said Yes they did and he wanted to take them. Does he like the color yellow???? Or a calm family time at home with the snow is what he needed.
However, one of our conversation went like this:
B “mom when are we getting the new shelves?”
M “It a couple of days”
B “So you mean in two days”
M “yes, it will be in two days”
B “So, today is Sunday so in two days that will be… Monday Tuesday. Tuesday right?
M “ yes on Tuesday we will get the new furniture.”
I was impressed he knew a couple of days were two and that the days of the week, what day it was and how long two day would take. This is a very different conversation than we normally would have. He could never tell you the day of the week even with lots of prompting. And now he figured it all out on his own.
Today he will come home from school so this will be interesting. Keep you posted.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
meds
I didn't think that Brandon's meds worked that well. I knew they helped him but I didn't see much. Then the other day I gave him his meds after school and he was calm focused and really listening. He still bounced off the wall and had some issues but less intense. So then yesterday I am thinking or not thinking he is ok and I don't give him his meds.... and WHOA he can't focus or follow any direction or stop and really listen to me. It got very frustrating so I gave him some meds and it got better. But then his brother left the house for choir and he had one on one with me, so I wonder was he freaking out because he knew his brother was leaving and after his brother left he was ok or did the meds help?
So now today I am going to get new meds and it should be interesting to see how these work. I hate changing because even if the other meds were not 100% effective you at least knew what to expect. Now we have to start all over and I won't be able to give him meds at all in the afternoon. AHHH
But at least Brandon is looking forward to trying something new. I think these are similar to the drugs he takes in the afternoon. He likes those better.
So now today I am going to get new meds and it should be interesting to see how these work. I hate changing because even if the other meds were not 100% effective you at least knew what to expect. Now we have to start all over and I won't be able to give him meds at all in the afternoon. AHHH
But at least Brandon is looking forward to trying something new. I think these are similar to the drugs he takes in the afternoon. He likes those better.
Monday, January 5, 2009
P & Q's
Wasn't minding your p & q's about manners? Well for me today it is PEACE & QUIET, what is that? It is where my kids go back to school and I stay home!!
Brandon complained of a sore throat but I told him, if it gets worse or you still can feel it tell your teacher and go to the nurses station. She can call me and I will come and get you. Amzing how you never hear from the child all day. They tend to forget how sick they are once they are at school. Hmmmm how does that happen.
Josh was ready to go and have a good time, he even had a pretty good attitude for Josh. He is not my morning person at all. Tonight it will be interesting to see how they hold up. After school I have to go to a friends house and they will have to play for a while, bummer. (smile) YEsterday we went to the local children's museum to let them run around and get tired. It worked they fell asleep before 8:00 p.m last night.
Brandon complained of a sore throat but I told him, if it gets worse or you still can feel it tell your teacher and go to the nurses station. She can call me and I will come and get you. Amzing how you never hear from the child all day. They tend to forget how sick they are once they are at school. Hmmmm how does that happen.
Josh was ready to go and have a good time, he even had a pretty good attitude for Josh. He is not my morning person at all. Tonight it will be interesting to see how they hold up. After school I have to go to a friends house and they will have to play for a while, bummer. (smile) YEsterday we went to the local children's museum to let them run around and get tired. It worked they fell asleep before 8:00 p.m last night.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
new year - ramblings
I have time to post and just going to ramble. Brandon is still very disregulated from the holidays. It will be interesting to see how he makes it through the week when he has to go back to school. I can see where the ADHD medicines helps him but yet he is so quick to yell and scream over so many things you want to scream at him. But I don't, I just calmly remind him that it is inappropriate. This is where I wonder whether this screaming behavior and disregulation is the medicine reaction, his attachment issues, or maybe FAE which he may or may not have. Or a combo of everything and I know he can't cope with so much down time.
Teaching a child how to cope with everyday life can be very exhausting. I listen to other families that have similar type "label" children and yet they go through so much more than we really do. You try to describe your child and you get this cross eyed look like all kids are like this. How do you explain that yes all kids get disregulated but it is when they stop or cope with it their behavior can change and yet your disregulated child, can't do that.
Josh on the other hand, will get disregulated and you can say go to your room or let him have a tantrum and he will get through it. Once he realizes that he would rather play than spend time in his room or he melts down he can move on. Brandon just can't. You explain it once or twice or ten times and then within the next hour he is at this odd behavior again. He doesn't get it.
Teaching a child how to cope with everyday life can be very exhausting. I listen to other families that have similar type "label" children and yet they go through so much more than we really do. You try to describe your child and you get this cross eyed look like all kids are like this. How do you explain that yes all kids get disregulated but it is when they stop or cope with it their behavior can change and yet your disregulated child, can't do that.
Josh on the other hand, will get disregulated and you can say go to your room or let him have a tantrum and he will get through it. Once he realizes that he would rather play than spend time in his room or he melts down he can move on. Brandon just can't. You explain it once or twice or ten times and then within the next hour he is at this odd behavior again. He doesn't get it.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year
We made it to the new year. The boys were very excited since we were going to a friends house to party. I figured we would stay up til 10 and go home.. and everyone would be exhausted. However, we made it until midnight!! Yeah, I don't think I have done that in 6 years.
We watch the ball drop with Dick Clark at 11:00 p.m. and we celebrated with poppers, blow horns (never again- with Brandon) and hats. The boys got a bit excited after that. They had started running around and screaming so we had to do threaten we would leave and they all settled down and we ended up to midnight.
The five boys stayed downstairs most of the evening while we woman sat upstairs and chatted and the men played Rockband 2. The men eventually had to quit and let the boys play with the Rockband. A good thing Santa brings this toy for the entire family. We had a good time. We left at 12:05 pm and the streets were empty. It was eerie but we figured everyone was now officially celebrating the New Year. It was kind of nice to be the only vehicle out on the road, I felt safe.
So I was impressed we stayed up so late even though we celebrated early, we made it to midnight!! I think today will be a mellow day. The boys have had some colds and cough so we will be lazy. But isn't every holiday day like that?
We watch the ball drop with Dick Clark at 11:00 p.m. and we celebrated with poppers, blow horns (never again- with Brandon) and hats. The boys got a bit excited after that. They had started running around and screaming so we had to do threaten we would leave and they all settled down and we ended up to midnight.
The five boys stayed downstairs most of the evening while we woman sat upstairs and chatted and the men played Rockband 2. The men eventually had to quit and let the boys play with the Rockband. A good thing Santa brings this toy for the entire family. We had a good time. We left at 12:05 pm and the streets were empty. It was eerie but we figured everyone was now officially celebrating the New Year. It was kind of nice to be the only vehicle out on the road, I felt safe.
So I was impressed we stayed up so late even though we celebrated early, we made it to midnight!! I think today will be a mellow day. The boys have had some colds and cough so we will be lazy. But isn't every holiday day like that?
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