Conversation this am at bus

Brandon waves to a girl down at the other corner and says to Josh

B “that is Melissa, she is in my class”
J “oh”

B” yeah Melissa is new and when she came here Destiny (another second grader) called her name at recess and then lifted her shirt and showed her her bra”

J “ what is a bra”

B “ you know those things that hold them”

J ‘hold what?”

B “Mom tell Josh what a bra does”

M (slient)
Brandon then points to my chest and says “you know those things”

J “oh”
B “you know she wears one under her clothes”

Mom ”Just something women wear”

Other people now come to the bus stop.

End of conversation

Dinner

Well, we went to the dinner. Usually the kids eat with supervision and the adults go in another room and chat and discuss life with attachment challenged children.
Well because it was a special "family night" with the pot luck we all sat together. Which was fine and could of been quite enjoyable. There was a family to my right with two kids that are relatively new and enjoy hearing from us because the dad is very similar to my husband in the approach to parenting and how to change. So it was nice to talk to them.
Now on the other side of us by me was another family that I love dearly. The mom and I get along, and we are the same age same feelings etc... but the dad. He understands the issues with these type kids but yet has the uncanning ability to rival mine up and think nothing about it. I even had to explain to him twice not to get my child wild up. He laughs like it is nothing. I mean he leans over and tells Brandon "have you heard this one? Beans beans the more you eat the more you toot.." Yes it can be amusing however, if your child already has a hard time coping with the crowd other distrations and can't focus on eating the last thing you want to do is get him more wild.
He would say other things etc... finally when Brandon was jumping out of his chair and not eating and talking very silly it dawns on him that he should have keep it a bit more low key.. duh. I must say that was the most frustrating thing to do last night trying to explain to another adult that also has a disregulated child not to engage in silly behaviors at the table. Especially when you are at an event that deals with kids and their disregulation.
It makes you wonder then what they do with their kids at home, do they let them act wild at the dinner table and be crazy? Some kids can be distracted and wild and still eat a balanced meal and some people don't mind a crazy dinner table at home.. I know it is hard sometimes to be sitting or eating for my one child at the dinner table but when they feel the need to start jumping around and acting all goofy and being loud and disruptive then I have a problem. I don't think I am expecting them to sit with their hands folded and sitting straight etc... I am not, but some manners is appreciated.

Dinner with CHASI

Tonight is our monthly meeting. We are doing a potluck so I have to create a side dish for it. I am to have help with my kids and do a family thing or a bonding thing. So I take a non interested child and a child that has no attention span and make a dish to pass. I will let you know how it goes.

Ramblings

Every month we meet with a group of people that have or had attachment issues with their kids. It is a local chapter called Children's Home and Aid Society. We meet and discuss our woes with kids and how to help. Don and I are considered the experts, which makes us laugh. However, we are the only ones that have been their the longest and we are not afraid to share our experiences and how we deal with things and how we cope. Also, we are not afraid to share our shortcomings are mistakes and things that have added to our situation.

It is hard to admit you have issues with your kids and some of the issues are with yourself. Really what are you afraid of? This is the main question posted by Heather Forbes. The theory is your children live in a fear and flight mode all the time and you need to help calm the fear and help them. However, the fear your child has is a fear you can have or a different fear that you need face within yourself in order to help your child. I think I found mine. Fear of confortation was mine. I have a child with constant confortation which I had a hard time dealing with. It took about 6-8 months to really figure it out. Along the way I learn many things about myself. I think my husband is still working on it. He is getting better but there are times I think he still lives in the me mode. Not really the me mode but he wants to be too in control and when he cannot control he has a hard time dealing with it. Almost like it is not his fault but others, which sometimes can be true but at times he really needs to look at himself closer. But then I think most men are not as nurturing as woman and don't feel it like we do and blame others than look closer at themsleves. To me that is a me person, not my fault, but others and that is not as nurturing, but then most men are not as natural at nurturing as women.

Daily Life

I worked at the school yesterday and then at night I went back to help with the bookfair. Now I must admit that I was a bit nervous to go back with both boys with me and try to help out. I am visualizing them running around the place and disrupting the teachers etc. Luckily there is a girl there to help out whis is great but it takes mother reminder to help me.
Well, Josh wants to help me at the bookfair, which he can and does a good job. However, he kept wanting to open the door for people and be the door man. When it is 45*degrees out it gets very cold on the inside because he wants to keep the door open all the time so we are freezing where we were standing. Had to keep reminding him he needed to wait for the people to come to the dorr and not be a door prop.
Meanwhile, the young girl is entertaining Brandon. I think the meds are working. He was calm and focus off to the side. Until someone we knew from the past stop by to say hi and then he got all goofy. I know that is part of his personality but man does he go all bonkers when he feels he needs to entertain someone. Why he can't stay calm and focus drives me up the wall. He gets all silly and loud and jumps around, almost inappropriate but not quit. The girl watching him said that is enough and he quit. So there is hope, I am hoping he is just trying to figure out his personality at age 7.

I must admit there are a few good things with meds. One he is explaining himself better in some ways. more details about what is happening at school at play or times we are not around. This is good. The other he is eating more. now most kids lose their appetite he is EATING!! Yeah. Don't worry he is not eating enough to get heavy just more normal eating. Usually we have to fight him on food. Once we quit arguing it helps.

off from school

We had conferences with the teachers on Thursday for both boys. Joshua is doing really good, he just needs to slow down and take his time. He wants to rush through all his school work so his writing skills have a lot to be desired. He needs to breathe and write slower so he won't have to erase so much to make it legible for others. Speaking of erasing, did you ever notice that when kids (first graders) erase there stuff they use ONE swap through the pencil markings where the letters or numbers are still visible and then they write over it making it virtually impossible to read. Then you have to erase it more and more and the kids get mad that they have to write it again!! Child says "I just wrote it" I say ", but honey it is not visible for others." I help in my sons room so I see this every week. Very amusing to know your child is not alone it what he does.

Brandon teacher says he is doing well, we are always making progress which is a good thing but he still needs to have most of his school work modified. I hate having it modified so I wonder if he stays back a year in school would he catch up? I think the little boy has been through so much and he is so much in need of growing up that I want him to be able to relax and enjoy school and life for a while. In case you didn't know, we adopted him at 20 months and he had a major hernia that needed repair, so he was abandoned and in pain for the first two years of life. Then we discovered there was not attachment and went through therapy when he was 5, and now we have really bonded but discoved the ADHD ( which we knew was there many years ago but wanted to wait until we finish attachment). I guess you never finish attachment work it is a life on going experiences but we no longer visit a therapist. I guess in some ways this child is 5 years old emotionally or younger and we are making him do 2nd grade material. Yikes.

So we were off from school on Friday November 7th. I had every intention to go and visit my mother and hang out. However, we had to make more adjustments on Brandon's meds which took up almost the entire day and put me in a state of anxiety. I don't like feeling helpless to the doctors or anybody especially when it comes to my kids.

On a better note, we did make it to the discover center in Rockford and had a good time. I would have prefered to go to Betty Brinn in Milwaukee but that will be for a different day.

We discoverd that Joshua has a loose tooth. He is now losing his from tooth (he is growing up) makes me a bit sad.

Life with ADHD

OK so we put Brandon on his ADHD medicines. It has been an interesting ride. Is the meds making him remember more than before or is it maturity? Is he crashing hard off the meds or coming down with a cold. So many variables no wonder it takes forever to determine what dose you need when how long etc. It gets confusing but at least the dr and the nurse I talk too understand and realize we will be doing many many researches with meds to find the right one.
Currently, we up his meds and it seems to make things better but I am wondering if we could make it more better. You know? Little things are better but I often wonder... do you dose them until they are comatose so you know you have gone to far? I really don't want to do that but yet it makes you wonder if you are doing enough. We started the meds because keeping this child focus is an all day activity.

How do you know if you need meds? Well for starter this is our day..." Brandon please eat breackfast, honey time for breakfast, I know you find this entertaining but please eat your breakfast, Brandon you food... eat.... time to go soon finish..