As the previous post stated. Brandon had been suspended from school for taking a pocket knife. I still wonder why his fingers are so graby but they are. So we have been working with him and trying to talk and find out why he is taking trinkets. As I thought, he does not really know.
These are not conversations you have with your kids over dinner, these are conversations you have briefly and just here and there. You have to learn when to talk to your child.
Brandon does not remember well, and yet when he does he won't talk about it. It is too hard for him to process. he starts to giggle and laugh and act very childish. He does this when he is confused, afraid or when he truly does not remember. He is an eleven year old with a emotional ability of a five year old. That is truly a very difficult conversation. He wants to make every thing silly so he does not have to deal with reality.
However, life is in reality and not a comic. So we have to limit a lot of his life and kept him close to us and have had some talks in reality. I don't think he realizes what he is doing but that is ok. We will have to guide him. Have to talk things through and explain and show what he is doing and how if affects his world around him. This is not easy and it takes lots of time. A child can only learn when he is able and not when YOU want them too. They have to be emotionally ready. So that is what we need to do, remind him we are here and support him. Have him feel extremely safe and open to discussion.
How do you lose the emotionaly piece and not have him secure? I am learning a child with FAS can attach and love and be very responsible. However, their processing skills are limited and at times when their world is coming apart they don't know what or how to deal with it. Like many kids, however, instead of having a huge meltdown or crisis they tend to let it fester becasue they don't know it is there. They feel a frustration mounting but they don't know what it is and then just as quickly it is gone. They are mad or angry in the moment and then poof they are happy. They are truly happy. There is nothing wrong with their world. So you don't see it. This is the piece I am trying to learn and be ahead off. I know he has his triggers but life does not work with anticipating things it happens. Things happen that you have no control over and that is why a routine and constant reminders help.
I think I have an emotionally healthy child but I don't. So when this happens we will secure him and slowly over time he will pull away and I hope by writing this I will not forget. You learn many things by constant repitition, even parenting you need repitition with life to review and guide.
I think this post is for me but I thought I would share.
These are not conversations you have with your kids over dinner, these are conversations you have briefly and just here and there. You have to learn when to talk to your child.
Brandon does not remember well, and yet when he does he won't talk about it. It is too hard for him to process. he starts to giggle and laugh and act very childish. He does this when he is confused, afraid or when he truly does not remember. He is an eleven year old with a emotional ability of a five year old. That is truly a very difficult conversation. He wants to make every thing silly so he does not have to deal with reality.
However, life is in reality and not a comic. So we have to limit a lot of his life and kept him close to us and have had some talks in reality. I don't think he realizes what he is doing but that is ok. We will have to guide him. Have to talk things through and explain and show what he is doing and how if affects his world around him. This is not easy and it takes lots of time. A child can only learn when he is able and not when YOU want them too. They have to be emotionally ready. So that is what we need to do, remind him we are here and support him. Have him feel extremely safe and open to discussion.
How do you lose the emotionaly piece and not have him secure? I am learning a child with FAS can attach and love and be very responsible. However, their processing skills are limited and at times when their world is coming apart they don't know what or how to deal with it. Like many kids, however, instead of having a huge meltdown or crisis they tend to let it fester becasue they don't know it is there. They feel a frustration mounting but they don't know what it is and then just as quickly it is gone. They are mad or angry in the moment and then poof they are happy. They are truly happy. There is nothing wrong with their world. So you don't see it. This is the piece I am trying to learn and be ahead off. I know he has his triggers but life does not work with anticipating things it happens. Things happen that you have no control over and that is why a routine and constant reminders help.
I think I have an emotionally healthy child but I don't. So when this happens we will secure him and slowly over time he will pull away and I hope by writing this I will not forget. You learn many things by constant repitition, even parenting you need repitition with life to review and guide.
I think this post is for me but I thought I would share.
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